IT’S ALL SNAKE OIL AND YOU ARE GOING TO VOTE FOR IT

The world is a stupid place filled with stupid people. I might be one of them but I can at least admit when I’m wrong, change my opinion based off of new information, and acknowledge that I do not know everything. This doesn’t have much to do with with me but it does have a lot to do with stupid people who vote.

 

Looking at this years election all I can see in many cases is the idea that you are all being sold snake oil. Yeah, it always is in politics but there are certain candidates that it looks as if that is all they are. Some are just old school political scum like Hillary Clinton. She isn’t selling shit except the fact she thinks she deserves the nomination because she is just an egomaniac. She is a Clinton only the one with the least amount of charm. Chelsea who has very little going for he other than money and the breeding can at least smile and you don’t believe she is thinking about murdering puppies when she does. At the best of times Hillary looks like an evil alien wearing a people suit yelling love me. Enough with the Clintons, enough with the Bush’s, enough with that one guy that already dropped out.

 

All other candidates aside the two who I think are the definition or snake oil are Trump and Sanders. It might be for two different reasons since one might actually believe in his bullshit but that is all are, snake oil salesmen. They did tap into the problem with American politics though. The Absolut disillusionment and hatred the average person has for the political class. I get that. I’m there with you guys. I hate the DC elite shitwads just as much as you I just think you are all being taken for a ride. They are selling you the same bullshit populism and failed economic theories people have been pushing for centuries. Yeah some of the things they say might be good or even reasonable but that does not stop all the other bullshit. One is mostly nothing more than a demagogue and the other is just bribing idiots for votes off of an economic platform that anyone with sense should know could never be able to deliver a fraction of its promises.

 

To make is simple if you believe that Trumps believes half the shit he says and it isn’t just to get elected you are a fool and I find s strange that you will ignore his lies and then complain about Clinton’s lies. On the other side if you think that the crap that Sanders says is either constitutional or even affordable you are lying to yourself.

 

Now is you must know I’ll tell you of the two Trump would probably be the least worst of those two as president but as a person I like Sanders better. I don’t dislike Sanders I just think he is a fool. He is the guy in the middle of a pyramid scheme that actually believes the things he is selling. But honestly believing in something doesn’t make it correct and doesn’t mean you aren’t selling snake oil.

 

I have never liked Trump as a person. Yes I am biased against him in this regard. I can’t stand the guy and never have. I didn’t like him 20 years ago well before he ever tried to run for office before he even had his own annoying reality show. I think he is scum. He is the exact type of businessman that is the problem with money in politics. He was an always has been a corporatist. He used Eminent Domain to get the government to take other people homes and businesses so he could make a profit off of the land and then sent in his kickbacks to the politicians that helped him in the form of campaign contributions and such. If you don’t understand why I said corporatist look up the idea of crony capitalism. That is Donald Trump. Trump is the guy that uses politicians to get away with all of the horrible things we accuse big business of. Yeah I know when the system is rigged the loser is the one that doesn’t have his hand in the cookie jar but how about we hold fuckers to a higher standard for once. How about we stop electing people that use the government to make themselves and their friends rich. Trump is nothing more than this cancer metastasized and invigorated through populist rhetoric and bullshit. He is the other side of Politicians like Clinton, he is the businessman that is buying them. At least he in honest about it though, but that doesn’t make it right and that isn’t something to celebrate him for.

 

I understand though. People are angry and they are telling you what you want to hear. You are angry and they have tapped into it but they are the in many ways the cause of the problems that cause your misery. Trump has been selling away the present while Sanders is taking the selling of your future and trying to mortgage it for a 7^th time.

 

And while Trump is trying to sell you on Corporatism Sanders if trying to bribe you with free shit no one can afford. Free college, free health care, free housing and free food. Are you sure that it is free? If it is free than the people supplying you with this health care, food, college and what not are working for your benefit without getting paid. What is a person called when they work for someone else’s benefit but does not get paid for their labor? To be honest they couldn’t even be called a slave. See a slave still costs the owner money. Yes they work for their master but the master still must feed, house and clothe them. You are asking to get the labor from these people but aren’t even willing to house and feed your own slaves. How sad are you that you can’t even take on the minimal responsibilities of a slave owner? Slavery is horrible and slave owners are fucking scum but you are less. You want the slave to have to work to feed himself and you. It’s a whole new level of exploitation. In Serfdom the lords was at least expected to protect his subjects. Is this what you are doing?

 

I’m going to go with a big fat no. No you are not doing anything and you are not contributing anything but you expect everything.

 

Sanders promises cannot be paid for. It doesn’t matter how much to tax the rich they cannot be payed. We can’t pay for the stupid shit we do now no matter how much we raise taxes. But since you are an idiot that thinks the world revolves around you you don’t really care as long as you get your’s right? We need to lower spending. Do you know what the Laffer Curve is? If you don’t you have no business talking about economics and taxation. Hell most people that do know what it is still shouldn’t. It was a general theory. It works but you need to remember that it isn’t a set amount just something you need to understand and deal with. If you have no idea what I just said you might as well consider yourself illiterate when it comes to economics. I’m a bloody accountant. I can’t say I’m a genius when it comes to economics but I do understand the idea of financial incentives. If you don’t you should. But what I really understand is debt. Debt is something you need to be very carful with. Temporary debt can be used to put yourself in a better situation but continuous debt is never good. It isn’t good if you are a business, if you are an individual and it isn’t good if you are a government. Think about this. If a company goes under their resources can then be bought and then used by other people that can do something with them and make a profit and help grow the economy. An Individual can move into a smaller home and try to build themselves back up. A government cannot collapse and sell off their assets to someone else that will build them into something else. A government collapse destroys a nation and the wealth of a nation. Granted sometimes a nation can come back but ask the Roman, Persian, Ottoman, and Austrian Empires where they are now? Ask yourself what are the consequences of the collapse of those empires?

 

We can’t afford either of these two idiots.

 

 

 

 

I’m Going to Culturally Appropriate The Shit Outta That.

Yep, I said it and that is what I’m fixing to do. Wait, one second I’m going to crack open a beer. Beer? Really did your people invent beer? Nope. Is it a beer native from my ancestral homeland? Also nope and I’m still gonna drink it. My people didn’t invent Tetris either but I’m still going to play the shit out of it when I’m waiting at the DMV.

Stop me. Please, go ahead and try to stop me cause I’m about to appropriate some motherfucking cultures. I’m going to zig when you thought I would zag and before you know it… something… Sports metaphor… something something… Yeah… there was a point in all of this and it was all about tacos.

I fucking love tacos! I also love English Common Law, beer, Representative Democracy, anything done to a sheep that involves curry and not sex, indoor plumbing and the aesthetics of pre-modern Japanese architecture. I love Japanese people playing Irish punk, German people playing Horror Punk and I’m still going to rock out to some metal from Botswana. Did I mention tacos? Have you ever had taco rice? It’s a common dish from Okinawa and it’s bloody awesome.

This isn’t some sort of multiculturalism BS where we have to fetishize other cultures this is just the reality of a world where we can know other cultures and learn from them while they learn from us and we don’t even have to kill each other to do it anymore. We can take the good things about those other people and incorporate them into ourselves. Did you know the potato is not native to Ireland or even Europe? Do you like Italian food? Who in their right mind doesn’t? Neither the tomato nor pasta originated in Italy. One didn’t even originate in the same hemisphere but for some reason Italy was able to take those two things mix them with some local delights and come up with glory.

Can you dig it?

No? Do you want to complain and be an over sensitive idiot? Fuck you I will keep going and you can’t do shit about it. Cultures and societies evolve in three ways. One is from changes and pressures within the society or culture, one from without or a mixture of both. Sometimes times they are exclusive of one another and other times they are the direct result of one another. Take a simple example of this from Japan. The Bakufu system (military rule by the Shogun vice rule by the Emperor) was from purely internal forces, the Meiji Restoration was the result of both internal and external forces and the current Japanese Constitution was the result of external forces. Is all change good? No, not always but sometimes it can be. You can argue that the Meiji restoration was a good thing in some ways for Japan but did lead towards the imperialism and horrors of WWII while at the same time setting up a basis where the current Japanese political system would end up being acceptable. The Meiji restoration led to both the idea of the Diet (the Japanese parliament) and the imperialism of the early 20^th century. The idea of a constitutional monarchy was born there and continues. Now has it all been good? No but remember me talking about our ancestors before? By the time WWII happened England had shrugged off the worst of its decades long imperialist abuses although to the Imperialism while Japan continued them. Remember all our ancestors are horrible people but this was the difference between the two empires at that time. One while not good was and had been getting better and one was, well mostly all bad.

How does this tie in to appropriating culture? As countries, cultures, religions clash they exchange their ideas for better or worse and mankind has been doing it for the entirety of its existence. Hell half of mankind isn’t fully H. Sapiens. Remember all the Neanderthals we fucked and or killed to get where we are today? Chances are unless you are 100% sub-Saharan African and have zero relatives from Madagascar one of your ancestors is a Neanderthal or Denisovan. Hell even if you are 100% sub-Saharan African you could still have blue eyes or you could be from a Pacific island and have blonde hair and blue eyes and no dirty European blood required. Genetics is silly and sometimes fun.

If you don’t get it yet humans are a mixed race. We mix ideas while we bloodlines and make good and bad things with it. The Iroquois Confederacy had a profound effect on the American colonist as well as the Roman Republic, English Common Law, Christianity and Greek philosophy and Democracy. And that is just the bloody goat fucking start. The Ancient Greeks were making Buddhist art 2000 years before white hipster twats in SF where annoying people with their fake enlightenment. If you don’t believe me look up the history of the Hindu Kush.

Our societies and our cultures are built off of the collective knowledge of the societies and cultures that came before us, how they interacted, collaborated, fought and learned from one another. It wasn’t always pleasant and it wasn’t always nice but to stop this exchange would be the destruction and death of the progress and evolution of mankind. We need the cultural exchange. Without it we wouldn’t have modern fucking medicine, mathematics, physics, or fucking indoor plumbing and fuck you I’m not going to go back to shitting in a random hole and using leaves and unlucky squirrels for ass wipe. My Car is Japanese, the TV Korean but you know damn well the computer is American. I’m drinking a Canadian beer, my lunch was Italian, my dinner Indian and the last pair of shoes I bought was made in Vietnam. I’m going to eat sushi, adobo, jerk chicken or a burger and fries. I’ll listen to Opera, watch American football and eat tacos while I drink Gin, Saki and Soju. I’m going to listen to African folk tales while dancing to gypsy songs in the middle of Lima, Helsinki or Bangkok while you . I’m going to appropriate the fuck out of your culture and I’m going to serve you mine on a platter of gold and if you don’t like it you should try to shove the world up your ass because that is where your head is and for once you might be able to see the place.

In the end it won’t matter anyway since these guys already appropriated all the awesomeness that was left in the world.

 

Fuck all you hipster and SJW cunts.

100,000 Years of Stupid

Hello people and the random sentient beings watching us angrily from the abyss. Since I haven’t been around for a while I’m going to take this slow and ease my way in back in to the swing of things. Don’t worry kids eventually I may get banned by the UN for my creative use of the English language, my ability to invent new and exciting obscenities and telling the truth but for now I’ll start off will telling you all that your culture sucks and your ancestors suck. Sorry did I forget to tell you that since you are no longer in your mother’s womb this is not only not a safe space but you will not be getting any participation trophies either. Yes, you, stop looking around thinking I’m talking to someone else. I’m talking to you. I’m talking to all of you and the more you think I’m talking to other people and this doesn’t apply to you the more it does so stop, quit down and listen before I beat you like your father should have done if he had stuck around. I know you don’t want to do that since people rarely like listening to anything that doesn’t conform to their preconceived notions and if for some reason you are already agreeing with me you better fucking stop that as well. You have no idea why I have said any of this yet so what exactly are you agreeing with? Are you agreeing with my ideas about your genetic or cultural heritage or your own biases and anger towards them? I don’t think we are in agreement, so stop, listen and wait to get angry till I have finished. You might learn something and if not its sounds like a whole lot of not my problem.

So let’s do this. Every single person on this planet is the descendent of rapists, slavers, genocidal maniacs, racists, murderers, imperialists, thieves and cannibals. Think about every horrible thing you can think of. Your ancestors did all of that and more. They did it to anyone and everyone they could find and they enjoyed it. And while your ancestors where doing that to everyone they could find everyone else’s ancestors where doing it to your ancestors and everyone they could find. Sometimes they even involved livestock in their shenanigans.

Are you angry? Are you uncomfortable? Good, now it’s time to learn something. None of this is your fault. Not a single thing your ancestors have ever done throughout all of history is your fault. And if we take that idea and expand on that idea not a single thing anyone else’s ancestors have ever done throughout all of history is their fault. The fault lies with individual person guilty of whatever crimes we want to talk about. Are you as an individual currently engaged in or have engaged in genocide, the slave trade, theft or rape? Has the person sitting next to you engaged in any of this behavior? Now since the answer on both accounts is most likely “no” unless you work at the UN I want you to stop and ask yourself this question. “If no ones ancestors are without flaws including my own should I be using the ancestors of others as a reason to hate that individual or in any way against them?”

There is one correct answer to that question.

Now remembering that everyone’s ancestors and culture at one time or another where horrible does that say that they always will be? Think back to history. Can people and culture change? Can they get better? Can they get worse? Yes they can on all accounts. You can look to history to see patterns, suggestions that a society is going from one to the other but that does not mean it will play out the same every time. Remember that time your culture invented something? Oh, I bet you can, now remember how you had absolutely nothing to do with it? Oh, you don’t want to think of it like that. I’m sorry about reminding you about that but… Wait… No, I’m not sorry you didn’t have shit to do with it. Is your pride married to the accomplishments of others or yourself? What did you accomplish this week? If your identity is wrapped around the accomplishments of others you may suck as a person.

The worlds cultural heritage is complex and sadly it is often horrifying but it isn’t always so. All throughout history many people have tried to do good things and live well but since they are people and not unicorns or The Ramones they had their flaws, what can we learn from them? Unless you are stupid you should already understand that nothing about culture or race is monolithic. Look at the individual first because if you do not you will repeat the mistakes of OUR ancestors without anyone learning all of the things they can they teach us.

Next time I’m going to explain to you why cultural appropriation is a good thing that should be encouraged and not just for the tacos, indoor plumbing and penicillin.

 

I hate is here…

21st Century Stupidity

I once dated a girl that was a hypochondriac and she owned a medical dictionary. The dictionary was at least 10 years old at the time and maybe more and how up to date is was is questionable but even that isn’t completely relevant to the point I am making. Here is the point.  A medical dictionary lists the name of a disease the cause(s) and the symptoms. It can be a handy reference but unless you are a trained Medical Doctor or other medical professional you should not even pretend to use it to diagnose someone especially not yourself. Do you know how many diseases list one of the symptoms as “congestion”, “fever”, or “upset stomach”? It is half of the fucking dictionary. Do you have a fever? Well flit to any page at random and that will be a symptom of at least one if the diseases listed, and sometimes all of them. Some diseases have the exact same symptoms but different causes and very different outcomes. Yes I understand that your lymph nodes are swollen, you have a headache and a fever but you do not have the Bubonic Plague you have the Flu. Have you been coughing all day? No you don’t have Tuberculosis is just the dust from the roadwork outside your office building.

Why have I brought this all up? Because motherfuckers are getting dumber and dumber by the minute, diagnosing themselves with more and more afflictions they do not have and in some cases don’t actually exist. Yes WebMD might be able to help you understand what a disease is and maybe convince you to see a bloody physician but it isn’t there for you to diagnose yourself and they fucking tell you that morons.

Why am I yelling about this? Well today I saw an article where some asshat claimed they had PTSD from an election that happened in 2008! Yes not only did this person get PTSD from an election they were still suffering from it almost 8 years later. They might have mental problems but PTSD is not it. And if that isn’t crazy enough half the fucking planet now has ADHD, Autism and thinks they are trapped in the wrong body. I’m really a woman, I’m really a horse, I’m really a dragon, I’m a vampire. No, no you are not. You are a confused kid trying to get attention or tying out for the Oppression Olympics and you have been doing it for so long you forgot how it all started. Shitty parents, praise without accomplishment everyone gets a trophy bullshit, narcissism, the complete disregard for reason and accountability and everything on Tumblr. It is an entire generation acting like rich 12-year-old girls with daddy issues only they are 27 and male! Fuck some of these idiots are in their 30’s or older. It is like Pajama Boy morphed into an even more annoying pile of first world problem crybaby shit. Fuck you the funny feeling you are having right now isn’t PTSD it’s the small part of your brain that hasn’t completely given up trying to tell the rest of you I’m right and getting punched in the face by the rotting cesspit you have turned the rest of your mind into. You claim you got PTSD from someone disagreeing with you on Twitter while millions are being enslaved, raped and murdered around the world. You have gone so far beyond First World Problems that we need to think up a new name for it. You have created a new religion of stupid. A religion without grace or set theology but a million gods who are supposed to worship at the alter of the Great and Special Snowflake that is You. This twisted faith, a faith of the damned are required to worship all the strange inanities and feeling in the vast and rotting abyss that has replaced your brains or face the unyielding wrath of the thousands screaming Special Snowflakes as all else is lies and heresy. You are a howling tsunami of lunatics. You have invented religions too silly even for the type of people that join suicide cults.

I know why some of you are so angry. Because deep down you know it’s all bullshit but you can’t admit it. You have created this vast and intricate web of lies and deities and entrenched yourself so deeply into it that to give up now would be betraying everything you have created about yourself. You can’t grow up and you can’t stop because once you admit you may have been wrong about one thing you may have to admit you are wrong about other things, maybe even everything and then you will not be just the heretic you rage against you will be the apostate. You are weak as you have never learned true suffering or how to be strong. You have an ego but no accomplishments, self esteem with no true sense of self worth, you are a god unto yourself but only the pawn in a raging mob self proclaimed deities in a never ending holy war no one controls or understands. It is a holy war that cannot be won since its goals are nebulous at the best of times, its target are constantly changing subject to the whims of whatever voice can shout loudest in the mob at any given second claiming the papacy of the cause whatever it might be this minute as its holy commandments and scripture never mean the same thing twice. If that isn’t a good enough explanation of it what is going on I’ll give you a better one.

You are all so all the way down into the rabbit hole of ideological bullshit that your head is so far up rabbits ass you are looking at the back of his teeth and calling the his cavities racists, sexists, misogynists and whatever other “ists” you made up today.

I hate it here…

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Many Stray Dogs Does It Take to Get Two Drunks Arrested On Vacation: This Episode Brought To You By Orion Beer And A Lack Of Shame.

I occasionally like to travel.  Most of the time it’s just an excuse to get drunk in new places with new people.  I like new people because new people are people that haven’t yet pissed me off and the great thing about being on vacation is that it’s temporary so the new people don’t usually have time to piss you off.  But this isn’t about my dislike of the human race but of my decent into the land of Orion beer and this wonderful concoction only a lunatic that knows how to cook could think up called taco rice (I’ll even be nice and give you my recipe for this confusing pile of awesome at the end).  This is about Okinawa, a tropical paradise of white sands, warm skies and fucking stray dogs on every other corner.  I think it’s the law that there must be at least one stray dog for every 6 kilometers of highway.  Anyway this isn’t a story about them it’s the story of one dog that wasn’t a stray but had strayed into the path of an oncoming car and a police station filled with wonder and probably a debate on whether or not I should be arrested.   So I went to Okinawa and it’s a nice place.  One of the funny things about Japan is that you can drink in the car as long as you aren’t the person driving (the DUI laws are so strict here 1 beer puts you over the limit) so my friend and I had taken turns on the driving day by day while the other dumped beer in a travel mug and took in the sights (we is classy).  Well the one day she was driving  (sober, one was always sober so they could drive) while I navigated and sucked down Orion in said travel mug and when rounding a corner we almost plowed into a dog.  My friend being the kind and loving person towards dogs to the point where I was seriously going to stab her in the neck if she mentioned how much she missed her little pooch back home one more bloody time swerved and pulled over on the side of the road and yelled at me to grab the little mutt.  I being in the state of mind of a person that not only does not have the urge to start a fight with nutcase when I’m too drunk to properly defend myself did what anyone would do and grabbed the mutt.  The dog had a lease so we figured it just ran away and its owner was looking for it so I walked the dog to the nearest 7-11 while she parked the car.  We tried to explain to the nice people at the 7-11 about the dog we found and if they could help but they just looked at us funny so we asked for the local police station and decided to head off there.  We tried to walk around the block first just in case the owner was around but that didn’t work so it was off to the police station.  The dog was a tweaker and after getting it into the car and trying to convince it not to jump out of the window or lick me one more time we finally made it to the local police station.  Now mind you I had been drinking all day and it was night by this point so I was feeling good if not looking a bit silly trying to drink a beer while holding the tweaker dog I named Wilson.  Well we get to the police and me being at least a little smart left the booze in the car but brought the dog and we went into the station.  Now neither one of us speaks Japanese well – hers being much better than mine – so I mostly smiled and played with the dog while she tried to explain to the cops what was going on.  The cops were not amused.  They were annoyed, maybe even angry with us.  Well after quite a few rounds of trying to explain ourselves they finally called another station and had someone that spoke English talk to us.  We explained the situation to them.  We found a dog, this is where we found said dog, dog has a lease but not tags please help find dog’s owner.  Mind you all pets in Japan (the ones not kept in a tank other than snakes) are supposed to have a tracking chip implanted in them incase this shit happens so we figured this was all good.  We were wrong.  We were oh so wrong.  At this point we had been at the station for a half hour Wilson was getting even more tweaker than he already was and the cops were even more pissed.  This is the point I think the wanted to arrest us.  I don’t know on what charge but I’m sure they could have thought of something.  The police in Japan are usually cool.  I walked into a police station one time with a beer in my hand to ask for directions to a concert hall and one of the officers actually walked my friend and I the couple blocks down to the place.  This time things weren’t going so well.  Well to say the least they decided they needed our ID’s and I was getting concerned being drunk and all but lucky for us they asked for my friends first since she was doing all the talking and lucky for us she had a diplomatic passport.  At this point they sort of gave up and didn’t bother to check me (I don’t have one of those get out of jail free cards) and just told us to leave the dog and to get the fuck out.  They did give us a warning that the next time we see a dog just to fucking leave it where it was.  I would have liked to say something witty like “What under the tires of our rental?” but knew better since I was drunk not suicidal.  We left, I dumped another beer in my travel mug and spent the hour it took us to get home to our hotel making jokes about the cops driving the dog back to the 7-11 we found him at and dumping him off there while my friend yelled about the cops and her dog at home.

Now earlier I had made a joke about stray dogs all over the place.  Well the strays aren’t in the most populated parts they’re out away from them and we hadn’t done a decent Island tour yet at that point.  Well the next day we did.  This time it was my turn to drive while she dumped Orion into a travel mug and it was off to see the Island.  Well rounding a bend at one point I almost hit a dog, this one didn’t have collar and there were the joke about don’t stop to help it or we will get arrested and then there was another and another then two, and then one.  Seriously once we were outside the most populated parts of the island there were stray dogs everywhere.  I saw a couple stealing a truck while one little puppy outside a gas station tried to sell me weed.  The only thing Okinawa has more of is U.S. military bases.  I never really understood why they were that pissed until I went there.  I don’t have a problem with the U.S. having bases in Okinawa but fucking hell the island isn’t that big how fucking many do you need?  They’re not even small.  They could dump all the shit on two of those bases and leave the rest of the island to the Okinawans and it wouldn’t cramp the military up for shit.  No wonder they are pissed, they are all surrounded by wild dogs and military bases.  Okinawa is a nice place though and lord was it fun but just remember leave the dogs alone.

I promised I would give you a recipe for taco rice so here is mine.

Ingredients:

1 lb. ground beef (or stray dog*)

1 onion – chopped

½ – 1 clove of garlic – chopped

Shredded lettuce

Cheese – I use the bags of mixed cheese for tacos you get at the store

8 once can of black olives

Short grain rice

1 packet of taco seasoning (since I’m lazy and it helps)

1 jar of salsa

1 jar of taco sauce

Rice wine vinegar

Now cook the ground beef using the directions on the tacos seasoning package adding in the onion and garlic along with some pepper, chili powder, paprika, oregano, basil, cilantro, beer, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco (or whatever hot sauce you like) and teriyaki sauce to taste.  I have no real measurements for the seasonings since I just always chuck them in till I think it’s good.  Cook until cooked.

For the rice get out you rice cooker (If you don’t have one shame on you you’re missing out) and cook the rice but add some chili powder and a little rice wine vinegar to the mix.

Once the meat and rice are done it’s time for the awesome.

Put some rice in a large bowl.  Hopefully you have a large soup bowl or ramen bowl but if you don’t go buy some.

On top of the rice add some taco sauce, salsa cheese, olives and lettuce.  On top of that add the meat and on top of the meat add some more cheese and taco sauce.

Eat.  Some people like to stir it up a bit before they eat and some don’t.  I like mine with a lot of sauce and stirred the shit up.

I use more sauce, salsa and lettuce on mine than you find in most places if you eat it in a restaurant and most restaurants don’t use taco sauce just the salsa and you don’t get olives either.  Some places cook the rice with some tomato sauce and chili powder and some cook the rice traditionally.  Do what you want it’s good either way I just like how I make it.

Another tip for people making this the first time remember while it was created in Okinawa and very popular there just because it can be considered a Japanese dish you eat it with a spoon so don’t use chip sticks or you will look silly.  Yes japan has spoons you fucking racist!

Next week I’ll teach you how to make a lasagna sandwich!  I’m joking I’ll do it now.   Take two pieces of bread and make garlic bread shove a slice of lasagna in between and eat it.  It’s like an upgrade from the spaghetti sandwich (shove spaghetti in a sausage meat sauce in between two slices of garlic bread).  Trust me that while it will never sound less crazy it will always be good.

*Not recommended or as far as I know ever used in the dish.

Horrible Advice From Your Uncle Drunken Llama

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to live your life, however it is much more entertaining.

Always have several fake names and extra cell phones that way you never have to give out the real ones.  Just make sure you don’t mix them up.

Never tell anyone you love them if they know your real name or where you live.

Never marry anyone who would have sex with you on the first date.  However you should try to get a couple more dates just for the fun of it.

Remember the proper etiquette in a strip club is whoever correctly guesses what drug the stripper is on gets the lap dance.

Speaking of strip clubs if you are in a private room for a lap dance and the stripper tells you that for an extra $300 you can put it anywhere, you can, but you shouldn’t.

Any woman that you just met at a bar that offers to buy you tequila shots will probably have sex with you that night.

When drinking with a woman always drink twice as much as she does that way you can always say later that she took advantage of you. *

If you shake more than twice you’re playing with it and if you don’t a bit will dribble down your leg.  It’s your call.

No matter how cracked and dry your skin is – even if it’s so obvious you can see it from space – and you are a man the lady behind the counter still thinks you are buying lotion to masturbate with.  The only way to counter this is to buy tampons and some milk that way they think you were sent on an errand by your wife or girlfriend.

Always treat people with dignity and respect, unless they don’t deserve it, then don’t, unless they pay you and you need to keep that job.

If you’re over the age of 18 and don’t own at least one good suit you are failing at life.  If you are over 30 and only own one good suit you are still failing.

Always remember to do your research before telling people you are a fighter pilot to impress people.  The Navy doesn’t use F-14′s anymore, has never used F-15′s and a B-52 isn’t a fighter so get your facts strait or you will look like an ass.  No matter how dense most of the people at the party are someone will know and they will call you on it as they should.

No matter how big you think you are she’s had better so stop worrying about it and just be happy some chick likes you.

Speaking of size; a very large cock is only impressive in porno.  In the real word it is usually uncomfortable at best and painful at worst.  Yeah, size matters but it’s more of a ratio between the smallest that works and the largest that works.

Getting 4 girls numbers at the same bar in one night always sounds cool and you can brag about it with your friends.  The problem is you were at a bar all night and trying to remember who was who and what you talked about is next to impossible unless you were dead sober and have a very good memory.  Therefor calling any of them can be risky.  Basically getting more than one number is pointless since there is a very small chance you will call any one them and if you do there is a large chance you will fuck it up.  But have fun and go for it.

Your ability to make a bong out of anything does not impress anyone worth impressing.  Also your ability to take large amounts of any drug without getting that fucked up also does not impress anyone worth impressing.**

Hypocrisy isn’t saying one thing and doing another, that’s screwing up.  Hypocrisy is saying people shouldn’t do something but saying  ”it’s OK when I do it”.

If you are visiting foreign countries and feel the need to lie about what country you are from you either shouldn’t be in that country or you are a little pussy bitch and your homeland would be better off if you didn’t come back.***

It’s rude to ask someone why they don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend and never try to set them up with anyone you know.  If they aren’t good enough to even date one of you least favorite acquaintances just don’t bring up the subject.  The question is fine if you are only tying to find out what they like and dislike so you can help otherwise you’re just asking someone to bare their soul so you can judge, quietly.  Oh so quietly…

Just because Ideology can be dangerous doesn’t mean it will.  Just remember you need to continue to question and prove to yourself that it’s correct.  It’s not as easy as it sounds but if you aren’t even trying you have a very big problem.

Never fish for compliments; it’s tacky and shows a lack of class.

If you’re not proud of yourself it’s your fault.  but if you’re proud of yourself you better be able to prove why you should be.  Prove, not justify.  People can justify anything with the right amount of bullshit.

On that note.   You should never have to justify your actions they should be able to speak for themselves.

Intentions mean nothing if you make it worse.

Air travel always sucks so never pay too much for it and never get on an air line that wont let you walk onto the plane with an open beer in your hand.  Seriously you are always going to be late, it will always be cramped and they are going to lose your luggage but as long as it isn’t a Chinese air line or Delta and the flight attendants don’t give a crap that you walked onto the plane with your own six pack it will be the best you are going to get out of air travel.

Really fuck Delta.

When you wake up and don’t know where you are always make sure you still have your wallet and your gun.  If you don’t have either you fucked up since you should always keep both hidden in  place people won’t check when they try to rob your passed out ass.

If  your collage major has “Studies” at the end of it, it’s worthless.  People don’t major in Physics Studies, Electrical Engineering Studies, History Studies or Medicine Studies.  Hell they don’t even major in Philosophy Studies and a major in Philosophy is pretty much useless.  All a major in a “Studies” does if tell the rest of the world not only do you have no marketable skills any employer would ever need but you are stupid enough to spend a shit-load of money acquiering those lack of marketable skills.  You can train a moron that is willing to work hard to do a lot of things but you can’t train an idiot with a sense of entitlement and  bullshit college degree to do anything.

Love is like a fine wine.  It’s expensive, it must be aged carefully and sipped slowly.  It will also never last.

I’m joking unlike love a good wine exists and it’s much easier to get your hands on another decent bottle.

Fair fights only exist in boxing and movies.

 

*  This will probably not hold up in court since double standards are fun.

** Yes this is from a llama that spends his free time chugging scotch and lighting hippies on fire.  Fuck off.

*** Exceptions can be made for people that have to travel for work or charity reasons and need to keep a low profile.

Quote Of The Day

“A government is a body of people, usually notably, ungoverned. ” ~ Derrial Book

So How Old Does A Baby Have To Be Before It’s Infanticide And Not An Abortion?

In Alberta Canada a woman was given a suspended sentence for killing her newborn child.  The woman was 19 had a child in secret and strangled the baby with a pair of underwear and tossed the body into a neighbor’s yard and  got a suspended 3 year sentence for it meaning she doesn’t have to serve jail time unless she screws up again like killing another kid.  I guess that would give her a good 6 years for killing two kids.

The judge in the case was quoted saying:

“While many Canadians undoubtedly view abortion as a less than ideal solution to unprotected sex and unwanted pregnancy, they generally understand, accept and sympathize with the onerous demands pregnancy and childbirth exact from mothers, especially mothers without support,” she writes… “Naturally, Canadians are grieved by an infant’s death, especially at the hands of the infant’s mother, but Canadians also grieve for the mother.”

Really?  you are grieving for the mother who murdered her child?  This isn’t even about abortion the kid was already born.  Mark Steyn called it a Fourth Trimester Abortion to shock people into understanding the implications of this ruling.  The thing is, is that this person (if you want to call them that) was an adult and in Canada abortion is legal so they could have had an abortion at any time.  Hell even if she wasn’t an adult last time I checked you can get an abortion in Canada when you are underage and they can’t inform the parents.

there are a lot of problems with this and the first is this really has nothing to do with abortion.  No matter what your view of abortion is this wasn’t one and had nothing to do with it so the fact that it is brought up by the judge as part of the defense of the accused is ludicrous.  If the judge was honest they would have said “eugenics should be legal so I’m going to give this woman a bullshit sentence since I can’t get away with giving her a medal and an iPad”.  The kid was already born, it’s not an abortion.  Another thing the judge did was bringing up how hard it is for someone to raise a kid by themselves as part of the defense of her bullshit sentence.  The woman lived at home and was already supported by her parents so it’s not like she didn’t have a home, or have to worry about paying the rent or anything since someone was already doing it for her.  She made the choice to have sex, then she made the choice to murder her own child.  She could have easily gone to an abortion clinic in Canada and gotten rid of the child (for free, if Canada’s health care is all free and shit) but instead she waited to have the child and then strangled it with some underwear and tossed the corpse into someones yard.  No one in a post-industrial country suffers that much where killing their child is excusable in any way especially one with the welfare state Canada has.

It only gets more fucked up:

“Next week, the court will hear arguments on a remaining issue from Effert’s long legal battle: the 16 days of jail time she still must serve for throwing her baby’s body over the fence.

Her lawyer, Peter Royal, asked the court to do away with the penalty or allow her to serve the time on weekends. It was “unjust” and “almost mean to incarcerate her” at this point, he argued.”

Really 16 days in jail for tossing a dead body into someone else’s yard and that is “unjust” and “almost mean” to put her in jail for that?  OK, you have a point on one of those.  It is unjust to only throw someone in jail for 16 days after murdering a child and tossing the body into the neighbors yard.  Hell tossing a dead baby (or any dead person) into the neighbors yard should be a lot longer of a prison sentence that 16 days.  even if you just found a corpse and tossed it into someone’s yard for shits-n-giggles you should at least do a couple years in jail and if you killed the baby in the first place since that should be an automatic trip to the electric chair.

Are there any sane people left in Canada?

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I hate it here…

Add Your Own Joke Day

Sometimes jokes write themselves, sometimes you don’t need to write a joke because nothing you can say is funnier that what was already said seriously.  In this case I’m asking for participation in helping me make jokes because I would like to see how many original ones we can get.

The article is from the Palm Beach Post and titled; FEMA’s use of the term “federal family” for government expands under Obama. *

Here is a nice quote:

“Under the direction of President Obama and Secretary Janet Napolitano, the entire federal family is leaning forward to support our state, tribal and territorial partners along the East Coast,” a FEMA news release declared Friday as Irene churned toward landfall.

OK people here is the challenge.  I need jokes but since the “Big Brother” joke is just so easy that it doesn’t need to be said any joke referencing 1984 has to be very original and not use the term “Big Brother”.  Other than that go for it with either a joke off of the idea of a “federal Family’ or go for a Fark type joke with a fake title to this article or an article talking about a “Federal Family” or a fake book about it.

I’ll start off and you finish off in the comments section.

Joke 1:   So if the government is a family and they have congress does that mean they’re all inbreed?

Joke 2:  Why is my father always taking my allowance to give to my lazy brother?

Joke 3:  Are we adopting people illegally or is it kidnaping?

OK, it’s your turn have fun with it.

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* I’m almost positive I’m screwing up like 10 rules for proper writing here so it’s normal for this internet skidmark.

Quote Of The Day: 911 Edition.

“I’ll just add here that commemorating 9/11 seems to me a stupid idea in
itself. A nation should commemorate its achievements, its moments of glory.
Low points like 9/11 should be passed over in grim silence, or marked by
launching a few well-aimed barrages of cruise missiles.” – John Derbyshire

 

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This is the truth.  Don’t forget it but don’t wallow in it.  Remember it, understand it, and break the fucks that did it so hard no one will ever try it again because they will remember not what they did so much as the consequences rained down upon them for doing it.