100,000 Years of Stupid

Hello people and the random sentient beings watching us angrily from the abyss. Since I haven’t been around for a while I’m going to take this slow and ease my way in back in to the swing of things. Don’t worry kids eventually I may get banned by the UN for my creative use of the English language, my ability to invent new and exciting obscenities and telling the truth but for now I’ll start off will telling you all that your culture sucks and your ancestors suck. Sorry did I forget to tell you that since you are no longer in your mother’s womb this is not only not a safe space but you will not be getting any participation trophies either. Yes, you, stop looking around thinking I’m talking to someone else. I’m talking to you. I’m talking to all of you and the more you think I’m talking to other people and this doesn’t apply to you the more it does so stop, quit down and listen before I beat you like your father should have done if he had stuck around. I know you don’t want to do that since people rarely like listening to anything that doesn’t conform to their preconceived notions and if for some reason you are already agreeing with me you better fucking stop that as well. You have no idea why I have said any of this yet so what exactly are you agreeing with? Are you agreeing with my ideas about your genetic or cultural heritage or your own biases and anger towards them? I don’t think we are in agreement, so stop, listen and wait to get angry till I have finished. You might learn something and if not its sounds like a whole lot of not my problem.

So let’s do this. Every single person on this planet is the descendent of rapists, slavers, genocidal maniacs, racists, murderers, imperialists, thieves and cannibals. Think about every horrible thing you can think of. Your ancestors did all of that and more. They did it to anyone and everyone they could find and they enjoyed it. And while your ancestors where doing that to everyone they could find everyone else’s ancestors where doing it to your ancestors and everyone they could find. Sometimes they even involved livestock in their shenanigans.

Are you angry? Are you uncomfortable? Good, now it’s time to learn something. None of this is your fault. Not a single thing your ancestors have ever done throughout all of history is your fault. And if we take that idea and expand on that idea not a single thing anyone else’s ancestors have ever done throughout all of history is their fault. The fault lies with individual person guilty of whatever crimes we want to talk about. Are you as an individual currently engaged in or have engaged in genocide, the slave trade, theft or rape? Has the person sitting next to you engaged in any of this behavior? Now since the answer on both accounts is most likely “no” unless you work at the UN I want you to stop and ask yourself this question. “If no ones ancestors are without flaws including my own should I be using the ancestors of others as a reason to hate that individual or in any way against them?”

There is one correct answer to that question.

Now remembering that everyone’s ancestors and culture at one time or another where horrible does that say that they always will be? Think back to history. Can people and culture change? Can they get better? Can they get worse? Yes they can on all accounts. You can look to history to see patterns, suggestions that a society is going from one to the other but that does not mean it will play out the same every time. Remember that time your culture invented something? Oh, I bet you can, now remember how you had absolutely nothing to do with it? Oh, you don’t want to think of it like that. I’m sorry about reminding you about that but… Wait… No, I’m not sorry you didn’t have shit to do with it. Is your pride married to the accomplishments of others or yourself? What did you accomplish this week? If your identity is wrapped around the accomplishments of others you may suck as a person.

The worlds cultural heritage is complex and sadly it is often horrifying but it isn’t always so. All throughout history many people have tried to do good things and live well but since they are people and not unicorns or The Ramones they had their flaws, what can we learn from them? Unless you are stupid you should already understand that nothing about culture or race is monolithic. Look at the individual first because if you do not you will repeat the mistakes of OUR ancestors without anyone learning all of the things they can they teach us.

Next time I’m going to explain to you why cultural appropriation is a good thing that should be encouraged and not just for the tacos, indoor plumbing and penicillin.

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I hate is here…

Horrible Advice From Your Uncle Drunken Llama

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to live your life, however it is much more entertaining.

Always have several fake names and extra cell phones that way you never have to give out the real ones.  Just make sure you don’t mix them up.

Never tell anyone you love them if they know your real name or where you live.

Never marry anyone who would have sex with you on the first date.  However you should try to get a couple more dates just for the fun of it.

Remember the proper etiquette in a strip club is whoever correctly guesses what drug the stripper is on gets the lap dance.

Speaking of strip clubs if you are in a private room for a lap dance and the stripper tells you that for an extra $300 you can put it anywhere, you can, but you shouldn’t.

Any woman that you just met at a bar that offers to buy you tequila shots will probably have sex with you that night.

When drinking with a woman always drink twice as much as she does that way you can always say later that she took advantage of you. *

If you shake more than twice you’re playing with it and if you don’t a bit will dribble down your leg.  It’s your call.

No matter how cracked and dry your skin is – even if it’s so obvious you can see it from space – and you are a man the lady behind the counter still thinks you are buying lotion to masturbate with.  The only way to counter this is to buy tampons and some milk that way they think you were sent on an errand by your wife or girlfriend.

Always treat people with dignity and respect, unless they don’t deserve it, then don’t, unless they pay you and you need to keep that job.

If you’re over the age of 18 and don’t own at least one good suit you are failing at life.  If you are over 30 and only own one good suit you are still failing.

Always remember to do your research before telling people you are a fighter pilot to impress people.  The Navy doesn’t use F-14′s anymore, has never used F-15′s and a B-52 isn’t a fighter so get your facts strait or you will look like an ass.  No matter how dense most of the people at the party are someone will know and they will call you on it as they should.

No matter how big you think you are she’s had better so stop worrying about it and just be happy some chick likes you.

Speaking of size; a very large cock is only impressive in porno.  In the real word it is usually uncomfortable at best and painful at worst.  Yeah, size matters but it’s more of a ratio between the smallest that works and the largest that works.

Getting 4 girls numbers at the same bar in one night always sounds cool and you can brag about it with your friends.  The problem is you were at a bar all night and trying to remember who was who and what you talked about is next to impossible unless you were dead sober and have a very good memory.  Therefor calling any of them can be risky.  Basically getting more than one number is pointless since there is a very small chance you will call any one them and if you do there is a large chance you will fuck it up.  But have fun and go for it.

Your ability to make a bong out of anything does not impress anyone worth impressing.  Also your ability to take large amounts of any drug without getting that fucked up also does not impress anyone worth impressing.**

Hypocrisy isn’t saying one thing and doing another, that’s screwing up.  Hypocrisy is saying people shouldn’t do something but saying  ”it’s OK when I do it”.

If you are visiting foreign countries and feel the need to lie about what country you are from you either shouldn’t be in that country or you are a little pussy bitch and your homeland would be better off if you didn’t come back.***

It’s rude to ask someone why they don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend and never try to set them up with anyone you know.  If they aren’t good enough to even date one of you least favorite acquaintances just don’t bring up the subject.  The question is fine if you are only tying to find out what they like and dislike so you can help otherwise you’re just asking someone to bare their soul so you can judge, quietly.  Oh so quietly…

Just because Ideology can be dangerous doesn’t mean it will.  Just remember you need to continue to question and prove to yourself that it’s correct.  It’s not as easy as it sounds but if you aren’t even trying you have a very big problem.

Never fish for compliments; it’s tacky and shows a lack of class.

If you’re not proud of yourself it’s your fault.  but if you’re proud of yourself you better be able to prove why you should be.  Prove, not justify.  People can justify anything with the right amount of bullshit.

On that note.   You should never have to justify your actions they should be able to speak for themselves.

Intentions mean nothing if you make it worse.

Air travel always sucks so never pay too much for it and never get on an air line that wont let you walk onto the plane with an open beer in your hand.  Seriously you are always going to be late, it will always be cramped and they are going to lose your luggage but as long as it isn’t a Chinese air line or Delta and the flight attendants don’t give a crap that you walked onto the plane with your own six pack it will be the best you are going to get out of air travel.

Really fuck Delta.

When you wake up and don’t know where you are always make sure you still have your wallet and your gun.  If you don’t have either you fucked up since you should always keep both hidden in  place people won’t check when they try to rob your passed out ass.

If  your collage major has “Studies” at the end of it, it’s worthless.  People don’t major in Physics Studies, Electrical Engineering Studies, History Studies or Medicine Studies.  Hell they don’t even major in Philosophy Studies and a major in Philosophy is pretty much useless.  All a major in a “Studies” does if tell the rest of the world not only do you have no marketable skills any employer would ever need but you are stupid enough to spend a shit-load of money acquiering those lack of marketable skills.  You can train a moron that is willing to work hard to do a lot of things but you can’t train an idiot with a sense of entitlement and  bullshit college degree to do anything.

Love is like a fine wine.  It’s expensive, it must be aged carefully and sipped slowly.  It will also never last.

I’m joking unlike love a good wine exists and it’s much easier to get your hands on another decent bottle.

Fair fights only exist in boxing and movies.

 

*  This will probably not hold up in court since double standards are fun.

** Yes this is from a llama that spends his free time chugging scotch and lighting hippies on fire.  Fuck off.

*** Exceptions can be made for people that have to travel for work or charity reasons and need to keep a low profile.

I Hate Old People: Social Security And Your Face

Editors Note:  The Drunken Llama was let out of his cage and allowed to write this post.  Yes we said we would try to keep him from ever posting again but he bribed a guard and we were too drunk to give a shit.  So have fun.

OK Kids, it’s time to play with your old uncle Llama so lets get this hatecrime started bitches.

“The bursting of the real estate bubble and the ensuing recession have hurt jobs, home prices and now Social Security.

This year, the system will pay out more in benefits than it receives in payroll taxes, an important threshold it was not expected to cross until at least 2016, according to the Congressional Budget Office.”

OK to be fair this is from the New York Times so it only has a 25% chance of being accurate.  I’m joking it’s the fucking New York Times, as always it’s all lies just to suck up to the Soviets…  Wait, for once that doesn’t even make sense…  Fuck…  More Scotch and let’s just move on for now…

Social Security is fucked, well fuck you politicians! But really what is the point, we know they are scum so why even bother (because I can’t let a chance to tell them to fuck off go to waste) so I’m going to move on.  I’m going to attack someone else for once (OK I attack everyone, especially that Jennifer girl, yeah you know why, don’t play stupid you filthy lying whore… wait what, am I talking to myself on a blog…  Lord I need a drink… Oh scotch… wait what?) .  Thanks old people.  Really Thanks.  No seriously fuck you guys.  You wanted the government to pay for your retirement rather than be responsible with your money and now I get to pay for your Social Security benefits, a benefit I will never see.  OK Social Security is going under and faster than people thought it would, but to top it all off you also managed to make sure that this country is trillions of dollars in debt.  So thanks old people you guys suck a fat fucking cock.  Why am I blaming old people for this and not the politicians?  Because politicians are old people, well older than me anyway and it’s the old people that have been voting these assholes into power for years.  They want all these benefits from the government and have never tried to stop the waste and the spending.  And hell, what do they care, they always figured they would be dead before they ever had to worry about paying off the government debts, it’s on the young to do that.  So fuck you old people.  Look I can understand why young people do stupid things (like vote for Obama) but they are young inexperienced and fucking morons.  A 20 year old kid spent at least 18 years of his life living off of his parents, he doesn’t understand being responsible for himself that well so he looks at the government like it’s his new mommy.  You on the other hand had years to get your shit together, years to figure out how things work and to be responsible for yourself.  Years!   You couldn’t have spent any of that time trying to make sure you saved enough for retirement?  No I understand that things happen, the whole point of Social Security was a safety net for the people that either something bad happened to and need the help or the fucking losers that never got off their lazy asses to help themselves (the second group can go fuck themselves with a baseball bat wrapped in razor wire and AIDS).  It wasn’t a retirement plan and that wasn’t a state secret or anything.  Any literate person in America could have found that one out (hell you don’t even have to be literate, when it was thought up they told everyone it was just a safety net).

The young are irresponsible because they are young, inexperienced, nieve and ignorant, that’s why the older generations are supposed to teach them to be responsible and not a bunch of morons.  Lucky for us the older folk were irresponsible and still fucking ignorant. Fuckin’ A bitches I love paying for other peoples mistakes.  Thanks guys, there isn’t going to be a third-rate nursing home for you, I’m not even going to bother to do that much.  fuck you guys, seriously fuck you…

Now to all the youth out there,  pull your heads out of you asses, look at what the fuckers older than you have done and don’t do the same stupid shit.  Be responsible with your money, save, invest, plan your retirement, because there isn’t going to be any safety net for you.  The countries broke and if you don’t take charge of your own life and your own finances you will be fucked harder than a $2 whore.

Drunken Llama out bitches…

Second Editors Note:  We have returned the Drunken Llama to his cage and apologize to the poor people in the city of Cleveland for the 23 million dollars worth of property damage he caused.  And no, we are not paying, we didn’t even know there was 23 million dollars worth of …  well anything in Cleveland, but the point is don’t blame us, you can blame the fuckers at the liquor store that lets a llama buy 12 cases of scotch.

Another Reason To Hate Valentine’s Day

“Agents for Britain’s MI5 intelligence service have discovered that Muslim doctors trained at some of Britain’s leading teaching hospitals have returned to their own countries to fit surgical implants filled with explosives, according to a report from Joseph Farah’s G2 Bulletin.

Women suicide bombers recruited by al-Qaida are known to have had the explosives inserted in their breasts under techniques similar to breast enhancing surgery. The lethal explosives – usually PETN (pentaerythritol Tetrabitrate) – are inserted during the operation inside the plastic shapes. The breast is then sewn up.”

Look it’s bad enough going through the hurdles to score a date on Valentine’s Day, then after you have duped a suitable woman into accepting the date you have to plan it down to the “T” so everything is perfect (and going to turn to shit anyway because you are not perfect and your grand plans will blow up in your face), now you have to check your date for explosive milk jugs? It’s bad enough with all the other things a proper date requires, like hiding the gun where she won’t see it, trying not to say something that will screw you over (you will), and finding a present she will like (you won’t), and now I have to get a bomb sniffing dog.  They’re not cheep and stealing one is not a good idea.  This is insane, it’s hard enough trying not to fuck up a date how the hell do you explain to a girl what you are doing with the dog and why you are making it sniff her sweater puppies?  That’s it, Islam you have a time out.  You are no longer allowed to play with the adults and you get to go to bed without supper.

Really, fuck Valentine’s Day…

The Drunken Valentine’s Day Rant

Ah, Valentine’s Day is almost here, and as usual The Marriage Project has failed miserably with no end in sight so I’m starting my drinking early in the hopes I don’t remember much about the rest of the weekend.

Ranting will commence in 5… 4… 3… 2…

So every other person I know has kids.  I understand the biological imperative to have children but I can’t wrap my head around being forced to deal with someone for 18 to 20 some years, and that’s just the part where you are forced to feed them,  after that you still have to play family.  Granted I might have grown up in the wrong environment considering on my 18th birthday my father told me to move out and gave me an itemized bill (I can’t say I disagree with his methods and it had to have made me a loan officers wet dream, but fucking hell…).  OK to be fair if I ever have kids I would do the same thing.  The thing is that I can’t say I ever want kids but I do know I will eventually need someone who can avenge my death and kids are great for that.  But do I really need to have kids for that?  Could I get the same results if I started a cult or spent more time with my crazier friends?

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I once bought a Gwar CD for a Valentines present to a girl*, yeah I don’t know why I’m single either…

Yes, this band.

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It’s odd, some things stick with you for one reason or another.  I remember meeting a girl and thinking she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.  The thing is I have seen girls that I thought that about before and as time goes on I have seen that while they aren’t unattractive they don’t hold up to what I though they where at the time.  A woman you thought at the time was the highest thing you ever saw was nothing to what you would meet later, hell you dated better so why was it so great then?  Youth, stupidity, who knows it doesn’t really matter, people look through prisms no matter what, the past seems better or the present looks magical when it’s not, we see what we want to see and regret what we what to regret.  In this case however it holds up, she still is the  Helen of Troy to my Attila the Hun or Sid Vicious.  Yeah the historical reference doesn’t match up but it makes sense if you know me.  It’s odd, I don’t remember people well, names I forget as people give them to me, faces I’m better with but not by much, but that face sticks out, that one I remember.  Maybe I’m a closet romantic trapped in the body and mind of a cynical hate filled bastard but what am I going to do?  This isn’t a movie, there are no happy endings and I missed my chance (not that I had one at the time, but I could have tried a little more than I did, or tried at all).  The sad thing is that if I ever see that face again I know I will fuck the whole thing up.  I will either say nothing and hide or in some gloriously stupid (and probably drunk) move ask the girl’s hand in marriage.  This can’t possible end well.  For that Angel is not for me, I doubt any really are, but even if there was hope, I can guarantee I will find a way to destroy it.  because that’s what I’m good at, being an asshole, a drunk and a bastard.  It’s comforting when you can accept your faults (the few I have).

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So I hate Valentines day, it’s not that I don’t have a date, I always do.  Well I consider Red Stripe beer and Johnny Walker a date (something that might be the reason I don’t have one that is another person) but it’s not like I’m lonely, just drunk.  I hate it because even if I have a date that isn’t a copious amount of alcohol it’s still a fuck of a holiday.  Really, somehow if I don’t find some way to create the perfect romantic evening (something that is not possible since perfection is not something found on this planet) I have failed as a boyfriend/lover/husband/whatever and not only have I failed at that but as a human being.  Fuck You Hallmark, fuck you all!  It the same reason marriages fail, because people are told that they are supposed to be some perfect thing, Princess Peach and her Prince Charming, and all that bullshit.  What ever happened to finding the person you didn’t kill in their sleep because of your constant presence, someone that would deal with your shit without poisoning your food?  That way eventually when it came to your natural time neither one of you would have die alone.   I’m not talking about murder suicides here so put down the gun and try to relax a bit.  Yeah it’s not a fairy tale but at least it’s realistic.  Too many movies I guess and the closest a movie ever got to love in the real world was Casablanca and Leaving Los Vegas, and who wants to use those as their standards?  Everyone wants to use some bullshit fantasy as their version of chasing the dragon, fuck that I’ll stick with booze, at least that way I’m honest.  Alone, probably drunk, but honest…

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My dad once tried to explain women to me, mind you he was an electrical engineer, but what he said made sense and still does, even my mother agreed.

“Women have 16 circuits but only 12 wires”.

Now for people who don’t get the joke, because you are stupid – or not a nerd – that would mean that at any given time 4 things are not connected.  For people who still don’t get it, fuck you.

My Mom might have only have had 8 wires, but that’s another rant, or well it won’t be, since I know it won’t happen.

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I have heard people say that to find a good woman you need to find one at church, they might be right, but how many good church going women want to many someone like me?

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Does love really exist other than a figment of man’s mind?  I question that.  I understand in a philosophical sense you can love something.  Like a pet, a good beer, a Misfits album or maybe your family. But aren’t you supposed to love your family?  It’s like a requirement, you say you love them, you tell yourself you do because if you don’t some little socially constructed voice in your head tells you that you’re going to hell if you don’t. But back in the real world when you hope God isn’t paying attention you kind of hate them a bit.  All that aside is love an idea or an emotion, does the fact that it is an idea turn it into an emotion when believed strongly enough?  When it all comes down to it I guess I could believe in love on some level, I can believe in insanity and love is just like insanity, only less real and more likely to kill people.

It doesn’t have to happen this way, it really does not, and you could help.  Please click here for details.

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Anyhoo, fuck you Valentines day, fuck you!

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*  Editors Note:  The day after this was posted the girl in question randomly sent a friend request on Facebook.  It’s been 13 years, God has a sense of humor.

White Interloper Steals Beauty Pageant From Black School

My first reaction to a news article was:

“Oh No, White Girl Wins Beauty Pageant At Black School”

Then I thought about it, I searched deep in my soul while I  thought about this:

“A university student has provoked a race storm after she was crowned as the first white winner of a beauty pageant at a predominantly black university…

The five judges crowned her over the nine other contestants – all of whom were black. She was the first white woman to win the title at the university.

But the backlash began almost immediately, with some of the audience walking out of the auditorium as the announcement was made. In a traditional winners’ photograph, two of the black runners-up are seen scowling into the camera.

The next day Ms Churchill was heckled at a university football game. Previous winner Patrece Parson said she was ‘very shocked’ at the judge’s choice of a white woman, adding: ‘We’ve never had one before.”

Really my question is why a white woman was allowed to even get into a black school, really it’s a “Black School”, white people shouldn’t be allowed to go to them, they are for black people and only black people damn it!  Not only did they let this white interloper into a black school they let her enter a pageant and even let her win the thing.  Shame on all of you, how the hell are we ever going to get to Obama’s Post-Racial America if we start letting white people into black schools?  Look I know the Civil Rights Movement was a good thing but I think it has gone too far when you are letting white people into black schools.  It’s Gentrification, and we can’t have that.  We must stop the White Devils and their evil plans.  Because we all know the white man is evil and racist and just wants to bring back segregation and put us all in…  Wait… Oh fuck…

Sorry, the writer of this blog has just suffered a massive aneurysm due to Cognitive Dissonance and can no longer complete this tirade.  The editors would like to apologize  profusely for his shortcoming and while we are taking him to the local hospital we will try to read what he wrote and finish for him….

Sorry again, the editors have just tried to read what was already written and have also just suffered a massive aneurysm and can no longer try to salvage this post.  The rest of the post will be completed by a drunken llama.

drunken llama

And Now Time for Something Completely Offensive:

OK, sorry people Drunken Llama here, enough with the sarcasm and Monty Python references and on with the racist jokes.  Later we will get into something serious, so please save your anger and hate till you get to the end and then maybe we can get someplace, or you can yell at me like a little bitch.  But remember I don’t care, I’m  llama, and I have been drinking since noon…

Well without further ado I give you the terrible, and probably highly offensive jokes:

Really this girl fucking wrote to Obama?  What did she think he was going to do about it?

Fuck,  sorry, I said no more Monty Python references, but it had to happen, on Obama no less, I’m a llama that’s been swilling booze all day, leave me alone…

I’m going to get shot later aren’t I?  Well since I am going to get shot anyway, on with the racism…

The only reason a white girl won is because all the black men voted for her and we all know how much they love them some white woman.  My real question is why it wasn’t a blonde girl?

God, I love that movie, and no Monty Python reference…

It’s true had it been an all white school and they had one Asian girl all the white guys would have voted for her, and then tried to drop some roofies into her drink.  It was an old joke when I was in high school that if someone ever started WET (White Entertainment Channel, just like BET) it would be nothing but metal videos and Asian girls.  Because remember Asian girls are hot and white people think that they don’t know about the Woman’s Sufferage Movement and all know Kung Fu making them fucking great girlfriends.

If it was an Asian school they would vote for the one that most closely resembled a 11 year old girl, an actual 11 year old girl (since they smart or something), or whoever has the best costume from a video game or anime.  They would then attack her with tentacles…

If it was an Hispanic school they would vote for the pregnant girl about to be deported.

If it was an Muslim school they would stone the girls to death and vote for the goat.

If it was a Native American school they would still be trying to get funding for books from the Department of Indian Affairs and would not have the money for this shit.    Thank you Reservation System, assholes…

And on with offending the rest of the world:

If it was in Europe they would vote for the guy (in drag, with herpes), talk about how much more civilized and progressive they are then the backward racist homophobic Americans and then oppress any racial minority they saw, while completely ignoring their entire history.

If it was in Africa they would sell them all to the local militia.  Got to get child soldiers some place.

If it was in Asia they would either do the same thing as the American school or all the contestants would be 12 years old – even the boys dressed in drag –  that they would sell to dirty old westerners looking for cheep VD.  They would then attack her with tentacles…

If it was in a communist country they would shoot them all for being bourgeois and decadent.

If it was in South America they would  load up the winner with cocaine and send her to America.

In the Middle East they would rape all the contestants, stone the girls to death for adultery and then vote for the goat.

It’s just how the world works.  The world is a shitty place, not meant for the living.  Since I don’t quite think I have offended enough people I will repost an explanation of the world from the now brain dead asshole that used to write for this skidmark before his terrible fate at the hands of Doublethink, that way we can all be offended, and not just by a llama that has been sucking down scotch all day:

Asia: Angry people who like to murder millions of their own people in the name of progress, gulags, military dictatorships, the intentional mutilation of children to be used as beggars,  sexual slavery, opium and the traffic in human organs harvested from executed political prisoners.    And I love Asia and I am still talking this much shit!

Africa: Ethnic cleansing, military dictatorships, civil war, slavery, cannibalism , female genital mutilation, piracy, rape considered a legitimate military tactic, child soldiers, Islamic extremism, and entire countries controlled by warlords.

Europe: The birthplace of almost every bad idea in all of history, pussies too scared of Muslim groups they let them run wild burning down half the country, backstabbing assholes,  Arrogant bastards that think they know everything yet can barley keep their own countries functioning.

Central and South America: Junta, and other Junta, Cocaine, FARC, governments that no matter how bad they fuck up the country still try to blame it all on the US rather then the fact they are reusing failed European political ideas even though they hate Europe too , MS13, drug smugglers, tuberculosis, mass emigration to get away from the shit holes they live in and their own governments, sexual slavery,  and Ecological destruction.

Middle East: Female genital mutilation, Islamic militancy, racism, hate, rage, murder, slavery, large scale child molestation, forced child marriage, stoning homosexuals, rape victims are considered the criminals, woman are considered property and allowed to be beaten, no human rights whatsoever, sexual slavery, no religious freedom, oppression of everyone especially woman and minorities and terrorism.

America: Hippies, junkies Hollywood, welfare recipients, gang bangers, illegal immigrants with drugs and tuberculosis, journalists, public radio, collage professors, lazy scum, leaches, Scientologists, The KKK, The Black Panthers, rap music, spoiled middle class children with causes, Chicago, teachers unions, serial killers, MTV, VH1, MSNBC, communists, San Francisco, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, California, Georgia, New York, Michigan, Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, Al Gore, Louis Farrakhan and all his Nation of Islam racist assholes, Reality TV, The Daily Kos kids, Sean Penn, Mariah Carey, The Grateful Dead, Berkeley, Vegans, PETA, Keith Olbermann, The Sierra Club, George Clooney, and millions of other scum sucking fucktards that should never fucking breed.

Yep the world sucks, lets move on with some jokes about Uranus…

Wait, what the fuck!!!

Stop it…

STOP  IT…

REALLY FUCKING STOP ALREADY!!!!

Deus Ex Machina here, sorry the Drunken Llama has just been sacked.   I am not happy right now, not only has the gin soaked asshole running this interweb skidmark been committed to the hospital but so are the editors (who also suck), with little hope of ever regaining anything even pretending to be a functioning brain (it’s really only one step down for them, but it’s a big step).  On top of that a Drunken Llama has taken charge, a llama who is 1 second away from offending the rest of the galaxy on top of the hatecrimes he has already committed.  I can’t have this, I will finish this shit myself.

Once again, we apologize for everything that has been said so far and will try to stop with the Monty Python references before we get sued, anyway back to whatever the fuck the point was…

Really this whole thing is fucking stupid.  I have no idea why we still have Black Schools, really segregation is over, we need to make sure it stays that way.  We can’t live in a country were everyone has to segregate themselves from everyone else.  I know people have the freedom to do so, but it’s stupid and ignorant and while people can be stupid and ignorant but we have a duty to ourselves and our country to mock them for it.  Can people stop the bullshit and get on with their lives?  Really, it’s a fucking beauty pageant it’s already stupid do we need to make it worse?  They talk about life imitating art, this is life imitating 4chan.  If you don’t want a white woman to win a pageant in a black school stop letting white woman into black schools, and definitely don’t let them into the pageant.  Yeah you can call us all a racists here for the jokes earlier all you want but I can guarantee you we hang out with a much more “diverse” crowed than any of you, and that’s not just racially or ethically, that’s also political and religious.  Do you know why we can do this?  Because friendship transcends all the bullshit, it isn’t about what country you are from, what religion you are or what your sexuality is.  It’s about people, people who understand that the most important thing is who that person is, what is in their heart, the rest is all just labels and silliness.

I am the “all singing all dancing crap of the world”, we all are, embrace it and live your lives people.  Does it make me a better person since we have “diverse” friends, hell no, it doesn’t, it can’t, it’s what is in your heart and your friends hearts that can help make you a better person, skin color is irrelevant, it’s useless.  People suck no matter where they come from, and people can be great no matter where they come from.  You should never be ashamed of your own race but you should never think your race means anything, because it doesn’t.  You are a person, an individual not a fucking Crayola color!!!  We are seriously tired of the race shit, and shit it is.  People keeps saying we need a “national conversation on race”, it’s bullshit, because America can’t have an honest conversation on race.  We can, We have had many with our friends it’s not that hard, all you need to do is go into the conversation knowing that while we might not always agree we are not going into it with bad intentions or with hate.  Most people can even agree with themselves half the time how the hell are we supposed to always agree with each other?  If you’re our age or older you all watched The Cosby Show, it didn’t matter what race you were, you loved it because it spoke to all of us.  At the same time all the white kids watched The Fresh Prince and In Living Color, why, because it was funny, it was fun, race didn’t matter it was about something bigger.  Yes there were jokes about racism in In Living Color, but it wasn’t to beat white people over the head it was to show how silly it all was.     Race is a joke, it’s a lie, and if we want to get to this Post-Racial America we need to wake the fuck up and realize this.  Race doesn’t mean anything!

Now some people are going to flat out reject everything that has just been said.   Some because they are pissed off about the jokes earlier, some because they don’t want to understand the truth.  Some will reject it because deep down they themselves are racist or have been brainwashed into having too much racial pride to ever let go of outdated and bullshit ideas.  Some people want to be a Crayola color, We don’t, we’re not, we will never will be.

H/T to MK.   Sorry to drag you into this, but the old, and now comatose bastard that started this blog found the original news article on your site.  He started it, and after many good people (debatable statement) fried their brains trying to make sense of it, and one asshole llama tried to get us all in trouble with the Thought Police we have finally finished this atrocity.  I blame you, it’s sort of your fault.

We are not going to have any readers left after this are we?

Deus Ex Machina has just been attacked by tentacles…

She hates it here…

Friday night rants or how I hate you all…

So since this is my blog on WordPress and the WordPress “dashboard” for peoples individual sites show how people are finding your site I have paid some attention to it.  Well to say the least it shows keywords used in search engines to find the site and I noticed that at the top are “bitch slap”, “communism”, “Obama” and “underage prostitutes”. The first one was from one article I wrote that was just talking about Bob Dole’s letter to Scott Mcclellan something I thought was rather amusing to say the least.  On communism and well socialism I have a tendency to talk about it due to it’s thing for oppression and mass murder and my general dislike for it.  On Obammers I have a tendency to make fun of him a lot so that all makes sense.  The last one however does kind of bother me though.  Granted I typed that into Google picture search so I could get a photo (clean one) for two articles I wrote on here “Miscarriage of justice” and “How morally bankrupt do you have to be to do this?“.  What bothers me is that especially with the second is that I put a lot of links at the bottom of the article for people so they could help in some way with trying to rid the world of human trafficking especially of underage children.  However if would seem that very few people ever clicked on any of those links.  Now this isn’t a rant yelling at people for not trying to help although I think more people should and I understand that many people will not.  The problem is that many people reading about something like the trafficking of young children you want to know more and while they might not help or be able to would at least check out some of the links at least out of curiosity.  They might at least make a comment about how terrible it is so as to at least register their disgust.

So what’s the real problem?

Well Lets see, I have a large number of people who find this site by doing a search for underage prostitutes and not a lot of people checking out the links of web sites trying to end this kind of thing.  So who are these people looking online for underage prostitutes but not for the purpose of stopping human trafficking of underage children?  I have several theories.

1 – The people are doing Google searches for underage prostitutes for some non-perverted reason and when they find my site they don’t find it helpful in their quest to learn more about it to help stop it since they already have been to all the links provided and have more information then I have put out, they don’t feel they need to go to any of the links or just don’t feel the need to make a comment.  All innocent.

2 – The FBI is doing searches to find out what they can to track down online predators and after reading the site don’t have any more reason to be there.  Oh god the government might be monitoring me!  Wait, I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m on their side….

3 – There are a whole bunch of perverted fucktards out there doing searches for underage girls so they can get their jollies off.  This bothers me for several reasons.  One I have a web site unintentionally teasing perverts and two fucking hell I have a web site teasing perverts.

So anyway if the reason is number three I would just like to say this to all you people out there:

A bullet in the head is to good for you!  If you get you jollies off by abusing children you should be put to death as painfully as possible.  Really you are all sick and should be killed as you have proven to the world that you are incapable of being anything even close to a decent human being let alone being human at all.  No you fucks there are no “underage prostitutes” here and there never will be so piss off with your douchebaggery you little useless piles of human waste!

To the rest of you please go to the links I posted at the bottom of the article “How morally bankrupt do you have to be to do this?” or here and try to help.  Hell at least go down to the local red light district and shoot a couple pimps or something.  Sorry if this drunken rant wasn’t very funny but some things aren’t.

 

UPDATE:  I had a tag on here for a while called “child porn” since it sent you to articles where I talked about it in some way (and my hatred for it) that I have since changed to “child abuse” just so I didn’t have a link on here that said “child porn”.