My first reaction to a news article was:
“Oh No, White Girl Wins Beauty Pageant At Black School”
Then I thought about it, I searched deep in my soul while I thought about this:
“A university student has provoked a race storm after she was crowned as the first white winner of a beauty pageant at a predominantly black university…
The five judges crowned her over the nine other contestants – all of whom were black. She was the first white woman to win the title at the university.
But the backlash began almost immediately, with some of the audience walking out of the auditorium as the announcement was made. In a traditional winners’ photograph, two of the black runners-up are seen scowling into the camera.
The next day Ms Churchill was heckled at a university football game. Previous winner Patrece Parson said she was ‘very shocked’ at the judge’s choice of a white woman, adding: ‘We’ve never had one before.”
Really my question is why a white woman was allowed to even get into a black school, really it’s a “Black School”, white people shouldn’t be allowed to go to them, they are for black people and only black people damn it! Not only did they let this white interloper into a black school they let her enter a pageant and even let her win the thing. Shame on all of you, how the hell are we ever going to get to Obama’s Post-Racial America if we start letting white people into black schools? Look I know the Civil Rights Movement was a good thing but I think it has gone too far when you are letting white people into black schools. It’s Gentrification, and we can’t have that. We must stop the White Devils and their evil plans. Because we all know the white man is evil and racist and just wants to bring back segregation and put us all in… Wait… Oh fuck…
Sorry, the writer of this blog has just suffered a massive aneurysm due to Cognitive Dissonance and can no longer complete this tirade. The editors would like to apologize profusely for his shortcoming and while we are taking him to the local hospital we will try to read what he wrote and finish for him….
Sorry again, the editors have just tried to read what was already written and have also just suffered a massive aneurysm and can no longer try to salvage this post. The rest of the post will be completed by a drunken llama.
And Now Time for Something Completely Offensive:
OK, sorry people Drunken Llama here, enough with the sarcasm and Monty Python references and on with the racist jokes. Later we will get into something serious, so please save your anger and hate till you get to the end and then maybe we can get someplace, or you can yell at me like a little bitch. But remember I don’t care, I’m llama, and I have been drinking since noon…
Well without further ado I give you the terrible, and probably highly offensive jokes:
Really this girl fucking wrote to Obama? What did she think he was going to do about it?
Fuck, sorry, I said no more Monty Python references, but it had to happen, on Obama no less, I’m a llama that’s been swilling booze all day, leave me alone…
I’m going to get shot later aren’t I? Well since I am going to get shot anyway, on with the racism…
The only reason a white girl won is because all the black men voted for her and we all know how much they love them some white woman. My real question is why it wasn’t a blonde girl?
God, I love that movie, and no Monty Python reference…
It’s true had it been an all white school and they had one Asian girl all the white guys would have voted for her, and then tried to drop some roofies into her drink. It was an old joke when I was in high school that if someone ever started WET (White Entertainment Channel, just like BET) it would be nothing but metal videos and Asian girls. Because remember Asian girls are hot and white people think that they don’t know about the Woman’s Sufferage Movement and all know Kung Fu making them fucking great girlfriends.
If it was an Asian school they would vote for the one that most closely resembled a 11 year old girl, an actual 11 year old girl (since they smart or something), or whoever has the best costume from a video game or anime. They would then attack her with tentacles…
If it was an Hispanic school they would vote for the pregnant girl about to be deported.
If it was an Muslim school they would stone the girls to death and vote for the goat.
If it was a Native American school they would still be trying to get funding for books from the Department of Indian Affairs and would not have the money for this shit. Thank you Reservation System, assholes…
And on with offending the rest of the world:
If it was in Europe they would vote for the guy (in drag, with herpes), talk about how much more civilized and progressive they are then the backward racist homophobic Americans and then oppress any racial minority they saw, while completely ignoring their entire history.
If it was in Africa they would sell them all to the local militia. Got to get child soldiers some place.
If it was in Asia they would either do the same thing as the American school or all the contestants would be 12 years old – even the boys dressed in drag – that they would sell to dirty old westerners looking for cheep VD. They would then attack her with tentacles…
If it was in a communist country they would shoot them all for being bourgeois and decadent.
If it was in South America they would load up the winner with cocaine and send her to America.
In the Middle East they would rape all the contestants, stone the girls to death for adultery and then vote for the goat.
It’s just how the world works. The world is a shitty place, not meant for the living. Since I don’t quite think I have offended enough people I will repost an explanation of the world from the now brain dead asshole that used to write for this skidmark before his terrible fate at the hands of Doublethink, that way we can all be offended, and not just by a llama that has been sucking down scotch all day:
Asia: Angry people who like to murder millions of their own people in the name of progress, gulags, military dictatorships, the intentional mutilation of children to be used as beggars, sexual slavery, opium and the traffic in human organs harvested from executed political prisoners. And I love Asia and I am still talking this much shit!
Africa: Ethnic cleansing, military dictatorships, civil war, slavery, cannibalism , female genital mutilation, piracy, rape considered a legitimate military tactic, child soldiers, Islamic extremism, and entire countries controlled by warlords.
Europe: The birthplace of almost every bad idea in all of history, pussies too scared of Muslim groups they let them run wild burning down half the country, backstabbing assholes, Arrogant bastards that think they know everything yet can barley keep their own countries functioning.
Central and South America: Junta, and other Junta, Cocaine, FARC, governments that no matter how bad they fuck up the country still try to blame it all on the US rather then the fact they are reusing failed European political ideas even though they hate Europe too , MS13, drug smugglers, tuberculosis, mass emigration to get away from the shit holes they live in and their own governments, sexual slavery, and Ecological destruction.
Middle East: Female genital mutilation, Islamic militancy, racism, hate, rage, murder, slavery, large scale child molestation, forced child marriage, stoning homosexuals, rape victims are considered the criminals, woman are considered property and allowed to be beaten, no human rights whatsoever, sexual slavery, no religious freedom, oppression of everyone especially woman and minorities and terrorism.
America: Hippies, junkies Hollywood, welfare recipients, gang bangers, illegal immigrants with drugs and tuberculosis, journalists, public radio, collage professors, lazy scum, leaches, Scientologists, The KKK, The Black Panthers, rap music, spoiled middle class children with causes, Chicago, teachers unions, serial killers, MTV, VH1, MSNBC, communists, San Francisco, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, California, Georgia, New York, Michigan, Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, Al Gore, Louis Farrakhan and all his Nation of Islam racist assholes, Reality TV, The Daily Kos kids, Sean Penn, Mariah Carey, The Grateful Dead, Berkeley, Vegans, PETA, Keith Olbermann, The Sierra Club, George Clooney, and millions of other scum sucking fucktards that should never fucking breed.
Yep the world sucks, lets move on with some jokes about Uranus…
Wait, what the fuck!!!
REALLY FUCKING STOP ALREADY!!!!
Deus Ex Machina here, sorry the Drunken Llama has just been sacked. I am not happy right now, not only has the gin soaked asshole running this interweb skidmark been committed to the hospital but so are the editors (who also suck), with little hope of ever regaining anything even pretending to be a functioning brain (it’s really only one step down for them, but it’s a big step). On top of that a Drunken Llama has taken charge, a llama who is 1 second away from offending the rest of the galaxy on top of the hatecrimes he has already committed. I can’t have this, I will finish this shit myself.
Once again, we apologize for everything that has been said so far and will try to stop with the Monty Python references before we get sued, anyway back to whatever the fuck the point was…
Really this whole thing is fucking stupid. I have no idea why we still have Black Schools, really segregation is over, we need to make sure it stays that way. We can’t live in a country were everyone has to segregate themselves from everyone else. I know people have the freedom to do so, but it’s stupid and ignorant and while people can be stupid and ignorant but we have a duty to ourselves and our country to mock them for it. Can people stop the bullshit and get on with their lives? Really, it’s a fucking beauty pageant it’s already stupid do we need to make it worse? They talk about life imitating art, this is life imitating 4chan. If you don’t want a white woman to win a pageant in a black school stop letting white woman into black schools, and definitely don’t let them into the pageant. Yeah you can call us all a racists here for the jokes earlier all you want but I can guarantee you we hang out with a much more “diverse” crowed than any of you, and that’s not just racially or ethically, that’s also political and religious. Do you know why we can do this? Because friendship transcends all the bullshit, it isn’t about what country you are from, what religion you are or what your sexuality is. It’s about people, people who understand that the most important thing is who that person is, what is in their heart, the rest is all just labels and silliness.
I am the “all singing all dancing crap of the world”, we all are, embrace it and live your lives people. Does it make me a better person since we have “diverse” friends, hell no, it doesn’t, it can’t, it’s what is in your heart and your friends hearts that can help make you a better person, skin color is irrelevant, it’s useless. People suck no matter where they come from, and people can be great no matter where they come from. You should never be ashamed of your own race but you should never think your race means anything, because it doesn’t. You are a person, an individual not a fucking Crayola color!!! We are seriously tired of the race shit, and shit it is. People keeps saying we need a “national conversation on race”, it’s bullshit, because America can’t have an honest conversation on race. We can, We have had many with our friends it’s not that hard, all you need to do is go into the conversation knowing that while we might not always agree we are not going into it with bad intentions or with hate. Most people can even agree with themselves half the time how the hell are we supposed to always agree with each other? If you’re our age or older you all watched The Cosby Show, it didn’t matter what race you were, you loved it because it spoke to all of us. At the same time all the white kids watched The Fresh Prince and In Living Color, why, because it was funny, it was fun, race didn’t matter it was about something bigger. Yes there were jokes about racism in In Living Color, but it wasn’t to beat white people over the head it was to show how silly it all was. Race is a joke, it’s a lie, and if we want to get to this Post-Racial America we need to wake the fuck up and realize this. Race doesn’t mean anything!
Now some people are going to flat out reject everything that has just been said. Some because they are pissed off about the jokes earlier, some because they don’t want to understand the truth. Some will reject it because deep down they themselves are racist or have been brainwashed into having too much racial pride to ever let go of outdated and bullshit ideas. Some people want to be a Crayola color, We don’t, we’re not, we will never will be.
H/T to MK. Sorry to drag you into this, but the old, and now comatose bastard that started this blog found the original news article on your site. He started it, and after many good people (debatable statement) fried their brains trying to make sense of it, and one asshole llama tried to get us all in trouble with the Thought Police we have finally finished this atrocity. I blame you, it’s sort of your fault.
We are not going to have any readers left after this are we?
Deus Ex Machina has just been attacked by tentacles…
She hates it here…