Tuesday Nights With Beer: A Drunken Rant For The Rantless

I haven’t written much lately and well…  Yeah I think I already started two rants like this so lets move on.

I got a new computer in case you care.  You don’t but we will talk about it anyway.  It’s a laptop and for some reason if I don’t have the thing plugged in the screen is at least 35% darker than it is if it is plugged in.  I don’t think I care but it’s odd.  But on the new computer thing I got a laptop but I didn’t get rid of my old desktop since it still works and no matter how many times my friends say I should get rid of it I just can’t.  It’s awesome.  well it’s not that great but it’s old and getting slow but I blame that on it not being made for Japanese power outlets since they run off less juice and the fact that it’s held together with duct tape and clay.  That and I built it out of mostly spare parts.  And clay…

I’m still living in japan and we still don’t have mutants or a million dead from radiation so I still think I’m right about the media not knowing what the fuck they are talking about.

So a lot of rioting in the UK is going on.  Or was.  I did find quite a few things funny about it since people were saying it was working class kids angry at the system for getting them or some bullshit but as Mark Steyn mentioned can you really call them working class if none of them have ever worked or their parents?  To paraphrase anyway.  The other thing was these were not all poor kids living off the dole, there were a lot of people from monied families taking part in it.  I know i talk shit about the UK all the time but seriously what is wrong with the place?  England has the most expansive welfare state in Europe (according to Europeans) and still these kids are angry?  What more do you fuckers want since it’s not jobs according to many of the british commentators it’s very hard to fill a job with English kids since they don’t even bother to apply for jobs and most places would rather higher eastern Europeans since they will actually show up and work. Do yourself a favor England give people back their guns, let them protect themselves, and force these kids off the dole and to get jobs and actually work.  And for the brats with money that pull the same shit fuck them up and teach them a lesson about being civilized human beings.  And stop being a bunch of wankers.  I don’t hate the UK or England you gave the world so much, like good beer, The Damned and the Gin n’ Tonic but you really got to pull your shit together.

Speaking of England apparently there is a group in England that want’s to create Islamic hamlets in certain parts of England that would essentially be independent states run off of Sharia law.  Really guys you don’t want to stop this?  You have Imams there living off of the dole (you know where you pay them not to work) and they are saying the want to secede from England and have their own state on your territory and you don’t do anything about this?  Cancel their government paychecks at least guys, your basically paying people to sit around and scream about revolting and you do nothing?

So in the news today I read a story about how climate change was causing higher rates of mental illness.  All I could think while reading it was maybe mental illness was causing higher rates of people yelling about climate change.   Seriously it used to be global cooling and that didn’t pan out so it was global warming.  Now it’s climate change so we can all claim anything and everything is…  Fuck you hippies.

Why does canned asparagus taste like crap but frozen if good while canned green beans taste good but frozen taste like crap?  Why does Smithwick’s beer always taste like rust out of a bottle but good out of a keg?  Why do poor people in America have cell phones, the internet, cars, and flat screen TV’s while poor people in other places have dysentery and mud houses.  These are the things we need to know.

If you don’t understand why you should hate Rachel Carson watch someone die of malaria.  I have.

In music news Gibson Guitars got raided by the Feds for using wood illegally purchased from India based off of an Indian export law on wood.  Now mind you many other US guitar companies use the same wood but Gibson gets raided but not them.  Martin uses the same wood but gives money to Democrats and Obama, Gibson gives money to Republicans and doesn’t use union labor.  Now this is the second time Obama’s DOJ has raided Gibson and the first time they never filed charges (because there was no crime) but after two years haven’t returned the confiscated wood and now they do it again.  Look the Indian government certified the wood for export, US customs certified the word for entry into the US and now the DOJ is raiding Gibson?  For what?  Breaking and Indian law the Indian government said wasn’t broken?  Now I don’t know if this was politically motivated but even if it isn’t what the fuck is going on in DC?

Arabic Numerals are from India.  The reason the are called that is because it was introduced to Europe from the Middle East.

I like Jelly beans but the people who make them need to do better.  You get a bag with 100 different flavors and while many are good you have a bunch that suck.  I hate coconut and vanilla so stop putting them in there and I have no idea why anyone thought the popcorn ones tasted like anything but shit.  Can’t I just get a bag of the awesome ones like peach and root beer? It’s like Jolly Ranchers you buy a bag and you only eat half since you hate the other half.  And who the hell likes banana flavored anything?  I like – or at least don’t mind – a banana but for some reason anything that is banana flavored tastes like what happens after you ferment a banana in a hookers asshole filled with toxic waste and used embalming fluid.  Well at least it isn’t coconut.

Back onto my new computer.  It’s great I mostly use it for looking up shit when playing video games so depending on your view it may not have been worth it.  But fuck you I contributed to the economy something way to many people don’t even pretend to do.  Still you don’t care and probably shouldn’t…

I realized the other day I only use my vacation days when I want to go to a concert in the middle of the week and don’t want to go into work the next day.  Considering I have a ton of the things saved up I really need to take a real vacation.  The problem with vacations (or even weekends) is that I am never more angry at work than after a day off.  I really need a new job but they pay me to live in Japan (although that’s probably not why I get the paycheck) so I can’t complain that much.  No, no I can, fuck these guys.

Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy pleasure and that’s good enough.

So apparently in several cities they have been having racial charged flash mobs.  Now the police and politicians aren’t calling it that and a lot of places are kind of pretending the racial aspect of it doesn’t exist but it does.  This is wrong tell the truth about things no matter how ugly.

Just so you know in the event of a race riot I will shoot anyone involved no matter what their skin color is so leave me out of your idiocy and in the event of a race war I completely condone the use of chemical, biological and nuclear weapons against all parties involved.    Seriously I’m not going to fuck around with you morons.

.

I hate it here…

News Clips From Around The World Of Stupid

Yep it’s that time again, the time to make fun of some of the recent news stories.  I know you are all as excited as TSA agent when they see a small child so let’s get started.

Remember If You Don’t Support Cop Killers You Hate Children.

“Between negotiating for more benefits and teaching their students, the California Federation of Teachers has adopted a resolution of support for convicted cop-killer Mumia Abu-Jamal.”

I don’t need more of a reason to hate teachers unions than I already do (I went to public school).  But seriously this is what they are worried about?  A fucking cop killer?  The man was a racist and killed a cop over a traffic ticket and admitted to doing so.  Well until he realized he had a thousand useful idiots out there that would back him and did want to ride the lightning changed his tune.  I really don’t know how this guy hasn’t been executed yet other than bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit.  Anyway, of all the things the teachers union could be worried about they are worried about this?  50% of our children can’t read or compute at their grade level and we are yelling about a convicted cop killer?  For those of you who don’t remember how grades worked in school getting 50% on a test meant you failed.   No matter how stupid, ignorant or crazy the demands of the teachers unions are any time you disagree with them their only answer is to scream about how much you must hate children and then they waste their time on this crap?  How about this; if you want better pay and benefits show us the children are learning more and doing better in school and actually earn the higher paychecks.  Right now all you are doing is crying like babies and running off on idiotic crusades to help cop killers. Also California is broke, the country is broke how much money do you think there really is to spend?  I don’t hate teachers, although there are quite a few I did hate and I can honestly say most of the teachers I have had in my life dealing with the public schools were not very good with many being downright terrible, but I don’t hate them all.  I can say I had 4 good teachers sadly it doesn’t sound as good when you remember I had 4 good ones during 12 years of schooling and each year of schooling I had at least 6 teachers.  So for all the BS yelling about people hating children I look at it like this, if you support the teachers unions you are the ones who really hate children.

That and Mumia needs to get executed already.

Because Terrorists Have High Moral Standards

“Meet Nagla Al-Imam, an Egyptian lawyer who suggests a novel form of “resistance” for Palestinian “fighters” contra Israel: Sexually harass Israeli women.

Al-Iman assures us that this won’t lead to rape, because resistance fighters’ “morals” are much “loftier” than that. But even if it does, she says, Israeli women would have no “right” to be upset, for this would merely square them with the Palestinians whose land they rape. And “few things,” Al-Iman tells us “are as grave as the rape of land.”

You have to see it to believe it, folks.”

Yeah this would never lead to rape especially since the only countries I know about that punish rape victims for being raped are run by Moslems since Moslems never rape anyone ever.

Or murder kids…

I love the part where she is asked by the reporter if this is will get people to break sexual harassment laws and she just basically say we don’t have any so who cares.  She doesn’t even act like it’s a bad thing they don’t have any.  This lady literally says that while she knows these “freedom fighter” have such high morals that they would never rape a woman (because the Islamists in Iran never raped women in prison so they wouldn’t have to execute a virgin for example), but if they did who cares and the woman because she is Israeli has no right to be upset.  Yeah the woman deserved it for being Israeli. I really, really hate the Middle East.

Suicide Solution

“Disgraced politician John Edwards is said to be deeply depressed – to the point of being suicidal – over the prospect of a criminal trial that could end with him being jailed if found guilty.

The 57-year-old former Presidential candidate reportedly told a close friend: ‘I won’t go to jail. I’d kill myself first!’

Yeah, sounds like a great idea asshole.   You are such a piece of shit you cheated on your wife while she was dying of cancer and then you pull a bunch of illegal bullshit moves to try to hide it and what upsets you is the thought of going to jail and actually paying the consequences?  You still have children, your children just lost their mother and you and going to kill yourself and make them orphans instead of spending a year or two in jail?  I knew the guy was a piece of shit years ago but I didn’t know he was this bad (I’m not surprised though, I really wish I was, but I’m not).  OK this might all be bullshit I don’t know if it is true but if it is fucking hell.  The sad thing is the end of the article makes it sound like the person who wrote this is trying to make us feel bad for the guy.  No, no I do not, in fact I feel even less bad than I already did for him.  It doesn’t make me happy it just kinda makes me hate him, and I really don’t want to care about the fucker enough to hate him.

Apparently The U.N. Hasn’t Filled It’s Quotient Of Crazy This Month. 

“UNITED NATIONS — Bolivia will this month table a draft United Nations treaty giving “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans — having just passed a domestic law that does the same for bugs, trees and all other natural things in the South American country.

The bid aims to have the UN recognize the Earth as a living entity that humans have sought to “dominate and exploit” — to the point that the “well-being and existence of many beings” is now threatened.”

This reminds me of the term “Watermelon”.  It’s someone who is green on the outside and red on the inside.  Meaning it’s a communist using environmental issues to push communism.  Especially since Bolivia’s laws specifically said they need to “end capitalism”.  The funy thing about this is that we are talking about the U.N.  Most of the member states of the U.N. are dictatorships with no freedom or human rights so are they going to give the earth the same rights they give their own people? I can’t wait till someone tries to say we are raping Mother Earth and Iran puts on trial for adultery and tries to stone her to death or China tries to throw Mother earth in Jail and execute her for saying something they don’t like and selling her organs on the black market.  Maybe Saudi Arabia will try to execute Mother Earth for apostasy or Cuba might try to jail her for reactionary thought.  The Sudan will try to sell her into slavery and England will bring her up on hate crimes charges for that natural disaster that hiss anyone who isn’t white.  And we can all have a good time yelling at Mother Earth because she doesn’t distribute her natural resources evenly and bring her up on trial for that.  It’s as if the U.N. is the longest running Monty Python sketch only it’s dead serious and there is always a chance it will get you killed, raped or starved to death.

Another question I has is if a natural disaster happens in a poor country do we charge Mother Nature with a hate crime or class warfare?

Obama Has The Worst Collection Of Pokemon.

“HONOLULU — The Honolulu Police Department confirmed that a close friend of President Barack Obama was arrested Monday in connection with a prostitution sting case.

Police arrested Bobby Titcomb, 49, a Punahou School classmate of Obama, at 9:40 p.m. in downtown Honolulu at the corner of Pohukaina and South streets. He was released after posting $500 bail, police said.

Police arrested four men in connection with a reverse prostitution sting involving a fake online female escort website, sources said.

The offense is considered a misdemeanor. Titcomb’s initial court appearance is scheduled May 2.

Titcomb usually spends the holidays with the president and his family when they spend time in Hawaii. He has been seen playing golf and attending picnics with the president.

The first family attended a barbecue at Ticomb’s Waialua home in December.”

There was the Racist, the Terrorist, the Communist what else does he need to collect them all?

Target Is A 13 Year Old Male In Possession Of A Tuna Sandwich And Some Pudding, Should I Take The Shot Sir? 

“Chicago school bans some lunches brought from home

To encourage healthful eating, Chicago school doesn’t allow kids to bring lunches or certain snacks from home — and some parents, and many students, aren’t fans of the policy”

I don’t think it’s the responsibility of the schools to provide lunch for children it’s the parent’s job.  This is where we all pause for a moment so you can yell about how much I hate children.  OK now that we have that bullshit out of the way we can move on.  I remember the lunches when I was in school and healthy wasn’t the first word I would use to describe them but I’m sure Chicago runs their school lunch programs better than they ran Cabrini-Green.  I really don’t know if this is to take more control away from parents or just to line the pockets of the contractors that provide the school lunches (for a nice little donation during election time of course), but it doesn’t matter it’s wrong either way.  Yeah some parents won’t take care of their children but unless the state is going to put them in a group home there isn’t much you can do about that.  The thing is this is taking away the right of the parents that do take care of their children.  I remember the packed lunches I got when my parents still made them for me.  It was a sandwich (meat, cheese, lettuce, pickle and tomato) a small bag of chips/popcorn (oh noes!!!) and a piece of fruit (usually a banana, apple or orange).  Sounds like I got all the food groups covered there.  Then I switched to the school lunch program (because I was old enough to make my own lunch but was lazy so my parents just paid for the school lunch) and I ate pizza or nachos every day (because it was the only things they served that could be considered edible.    Hell the school lunches we so small I would get two of them every day.  Granted I never eat breakfast unless I work out in the morning so I always eat a large lunch but that doesn’t matter.  I’m not fat, I never was fat.  I wasn’t some health nut in school and only started to work out semi-regularly recently so that wasn’t why I wasn’t a fat ass as a kid.  It was because my parents threw me outside and told me to play, so I did and as I got older I did other things like play drums (if you practice for a while it’s a good workout).  If you are really worried about the kids make gym class more demanding that was the whole point if it to make kids get some exercise anyway so use it.  Forcing kids to eat the terrible school lunches is putting a Band-Aid on a severed limb.  You can tell yourself you are helping but you aren’t even pretending to get to the root of the problem.  Hell the whole point of school lunches in the first place was to make sure the kids whose parents weren’t taking care of them wouldn’t go hungry at lunch time because their parents were too poor or lazy to make the kid lunch and now we are using more and more tax dollars to feed kids whose parents have the money to feed their kids.  My tax dollars are going to feed the children of people that make more money than I do.  One of the kids I went to school with father was and still is a US Congressman.  Are you saying that kid needed the school to make him lunch or he would starve?  He did however leave the school after 2 years to transfer to a private school because our school sucked bad and he had pissed off one of the local gang members that went there.

More from the article:

Fernando Dominguez cut the figure of a young revolutionary leader during a recent lunch period at his elementary school.

“Who thinks the lunch is not good enough?” the seventh-grader shouted to his lunch mates in Spanish and English.

Dozens of hands flew in the air and fellow students shouted along: “We should bring our own lunch! We should bring our own lunch! We should bring our own lunch!”

Fernando waved his hand over the crowd and asked a visiting reporter: “Do you see the situation?”

I like this kid.

“At his public school, Little Village Academy on Chicago’s West Side, students are not allowed to pack lunches from home. Unless they have a medical excuse, they must eat the food served in the cafeteria.

Principal Elsa Carmona said her intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.”

Yes we must protect you from yourself, or your parents…

“Any school that bans homemade lunches also puts more money in the pockets of the district’s food provider, Chartwells-Thompson. The federal government pays the district for each free or reduced-price lunch taken, and the caterer receives a set fee from the district per lunch.”

And part of that money helps line people’s reelection campaigns.
“At Little Village, most students must take the meals served in the cafeteria or go hungry or both. During a recent visit to the school, dozens of students took the lunch but threw most of it in the garbage uneaten. Though CPS has improved the nutritional quality of its meals this year, it also has seen a drop-off in meal participation among students, many of whom say the food tastes bad.”

I know it’s a running joke that healthy food tastes bad but it’s not true.  Everyone loves beef stew and it’s not that hard to use low-fat beef and put a lot of vegetables in there, make it nice and healthy and serve it over rice or pasta.  Everyone loves stir-fry and it’s not that hard to make without using that much oil and it’s filled with healthy things.  You want a healthy burrito?  Throw in some black beans, lettuce, cheese, olives, onions, tomatoes and some rice and not only to you have a very good burrito but it tastes good and the kids would love it.  But you won’t do that because you think burritos aren’t healthy.   People act like the only thing you can eat is rice cakes and tofu burgers to eat healthy (at least 8% of rice cakes don’t taste like Styrofoam and ass, tofu on the other hand always tastes like shit).  It’s bullshit.  Hell you learn about the food pyramid in school and they can’t figure out how to use it to make healthy food that tastes good?

“For many CPS parents, the idea of forbidding home-packed lunches would be unthinkable. If their children do not qualify for free or reduced-price meals, such a policy would require them to pay $2.25 a day for food they don’t necessarily like.”

“We don’t spend anywhere close to that on my son’s daily intake of a sandwich (lovingly cut into the shape of a Star Wars ship), Goldfish crackers and milk,” education policy professor Diane Whitmore Schanzenbach wrote in an email. Her son attends Nettelhorst Elementary School in Lakeview. “Not only would mandatory school lunches worsen the dietary quality of most kids’ lunches at Nettelhorst, but it would also cost more out of pocket to most parents! There is no chance the parents would stand for that.”

Not only is this parent making her family is fed but she is taking the time to make it fun.  Think about how much better a child is going to do in school when they know that they have that lunch made with love for them every day.  It sounds a lot better than some grumpy lunch lady (it’s a stereotype I know but when I was in school it was 100% correct) dumping slop onto a tray.

I love the end of the article though.

“Many Little Village students claim that, given the opportunity, they would make sound choices.

“They’re afraid that we’ll all bring in greasy food instead of healthy food and it won’t be as good as what they give us at school,” said student Yesenia Gutierrez. “It’s really lame. If we could bring in our own lunches, everyone knows what they’d bring. For example, the vegetarians could bring in their own veggie food.”

“I would bring a sandwich or a Subway and maybe a juice,” said seventh-grader Ashley Valdez.

Second-grader Gerardo Ramos said, “I would bring a banana, orange and some grapes.”

“I would bring a juice and like a sandwich,” said fourth-grader Eric Sanchez.

“Sometimes I would bring the healthy stuff,” second-grader Julian Ruiz said, “but sometimes I would bring Lunchables.”

Is it always going to be that healthy?  No.  Who cares there is nothing wrong with a pizza, some fried chicken or a burger.  You just eat more than just that.  Sometimes you want a salad and sometimes you want hot-wings and there is nutritional value in both and there are things you get in one you can’t get in the other.  That’s why we have the food pyramid because you need it all, you just need it in the proper amounts.  Yesterday I have fried chicken, mash potatoes and green beans with bacon for lunch.  For dinner I had a very large salad.  I got everything I needed (other than the grains since I don’t think the breading is enough to qualify for the whole serving) but I live.  The other day I had a half a bag of potato chips and a giant bowl of broccoli for dinner.  Yeah my eating habits are weird but I get what I need.  See parents know what their children will eat.  They know the kid won’t eat brussel sprouts but they will eat green beans, carrots or corn.  I didn’t eat brussel sprouts or asparagus when I was a kid (I do now) but I loved broccoli and mixed vegetables as long as there wasn’t any types of squash or mushrooms in it (still won’t eat either).  And every kid will eat a fruit cup just as fast as they would eat Jell-o or pudding.  Parents know this and they know what their kid will eat and how to get them to eat healthy food yet for some reason the people running the school (many who have children) can’t figure this shit out.

I hate to admit when a dirty hippy is at least a little right but in this case I will.  Go to this link and it gives a nice suggestion on making a kid a healthy lunch they will eat  (you don’t need to use the organic/free-range/overpriced whatever they want you to though.  It’s about the bento boxes (they are not usually as fancy as the ones on the last link though) they have in Japan and a little bit on how to make them on your own.  The idea of a bento is that it’s a box with several compartments that you put different foods in and it is a common lunch thing in Japan.  I eat them quite often for lunch.  It’s usually a main dish, some rice, a vegetable, some pickles and some fruit but there are a lot of different varieties, I like the tonkatsu (it’s fried and breaded pork cutlet with this awesome sauce called tonkatsu sauce – the best being the Bulldog brand) or meat loaf ones.  There are ones made to be hot and ones made to be cold.  Either way, they are good and you can make them with different leftovers to save money.

After I wrote all this I say something that said the Principle in question backtracked and said she was taken out of context or that she didn’t mean to say what it sounded like she said.  It sounds more like when a bunch of people got angry she tried to back herself out of it.

Wendy’s Has New Fries And In Other News The Reporter May Have Been Paid To Plug A Different Food Joint In this Article. 

“When Wendy’s (NYSE: WENNews) created its Natural Cut Fries With Sea Salt, which it introduced last fall and is now promoting in new TV ads this week, the company’s product development team found a way to leave the potato skins on, make the fries crispier and give them a much tastier flavor. What they didn’t manage to do, however, is make the fries an actual all-natural product. That, says CMO Ken Calwell, would be too difficult given fast food customers’ demands for items that are cheap and can be hoisted through a car window.”

Last time I checked Fark.com has a whole section on advertisements masquerading as news.  This is one of those things.  The thing about it is why the lady that wrote the article keeps mentioning Five Guys as if they are either the greatest thing on the planet or the standard to what all food should be held too.  That or she got paid a bunch of money by Five Guys to act like that.   Now for the record I have never eaten at Five Guys and honestly I’m apathetic towards them.   Wendy’s on the other hand I have eaten and do like their food.  I even worked at a Wendy’s years ago (yes I worked at one and will still eat their food).   To me they are one of the better fast food joints but their fries always were a problem.  The problem with their fries was that half the time they were a little undercooked for my tastes.  Now when they were cooked long enough that they were all crunchy they were some of the best fast food fries you could get but a lot of time you had the undercooked kinda soggy ones and they just kind of sucked that way (as do all fries). But oh how I love a triple and a large chili.   I haven’t been able to try the new fries because they don’t have Wendy’s in Japan anymore so I can’t say if the new ones are better or not.  My problem with this article is that the reporter sounded like she wrote this article more to plug Five Guys rather than talk about the new Wendy’s fries.  I really want to say that Wendy’s having new fries isn’t news but at least this is in the financial part of Yahoo News so we can at least say it has some merit to people that are either investing in Wendy’s or thinking about it, but when it all comes down to it aren’t we all going to get the same information from the next commercial break?

Right Now There Is A Cop Drunk Dialing Your Girlfriend And A Sniveling Little Bureaucrat Touching Himself For Thinking This Whole Thing Up.

“Michigan: Police Search Cell Phones During Traffic Stops
ACLU seeks information on Michigan program that allows cops to download information from smart phones belonging to stopped motorists.

The Michigan State Police have a high-tech mobile forensics device that can be used to extract information from cell phones belonging to motorists stopped for minor traffic violations. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Michigan last Wednesday demanded that state officials stop stonewalling freedom of information requests for information on the program.

ACLU learned that the police had acquired the cell phone scanning devices and in August 2008 filed an official request for records on the program, including logs of how the devices were used. The state police responded by saying they would provide the information only in return for a payment of $544,680. The ACLU found the charge outrageous.

“Law enforcement officers are known, on occasion, to encourage citizens to cooperate if they have nothing to hide,” ACLU staff attorney Mark P. Fancher wrote. “No less should be expected of law enforcement, and the Michigan State Police should be willing to assuage concerns that these powerful extraction devices are being used illegally by honoring our requests for cooperation and disclosure.”

A US Department of Justice test of the CelleBrite UFED used by Michigan police found the device could grab all of the photos and video off of an iPhone within one-and-a-half minutes. The device works with 3000 different phone models and can even defeat password protections.

“Complete extraction of existing, hidden, and deleted phone data, including call history, text messages, contacts, images, and geotags,” a CelleBrite brochure explains regarding the device’s capabilities. “The Physical Analyzer allows visualization of both existing and deleted locations on Google Earth. In addition, location information from GPS devices and image geotags can be mapped on Google Maps.”

The ACLU is concerned that these powerful capabilities are being quietly used to bypass Fourth Amendment protections against unreasonable searches.”

And every time I yell about the encroaching Orwellian state we are all trying to get to people call me paranoid.  I can’t wait till politicians and other state officials try to track down people that have their daughter’s phone numbers.  I can just see how that would go.

Police Officer:  So tell me Mr. Smythe why do you have a Kathy Johnson’s phone number in your phone?

Kyle Smythe:  Um, what is this about officer?

PO:  Just answer the question kid before you end up like you little friend Jimmy there!

KM:  Please officer, I didn’t do anything we have a group project due next week and needed to exchange numbers with the groups!

(Officer slaps child)

PO:  Don’t lie to me boy do you know who Miss Johnson is!?  Do you!?

(Child is crying)

KM:  Please officer, stop hitting me… We have social studies 5th period and Mrs. Nguyen has us doing a group project on Mesopotamia…

PO:  Well Senator Johnson seems to think otherwise?

KM:  What?

PO:  So am I to assume that you are just doing a “group project” with Miss. Johnson even though your parents voting record shows they voted for Senator Johnsons rival in the last election?

KM:  Sir, I’m 14, I don’t pay attention to that stuff.

(Officer slaps child)

PO:  Shut up and tell me why your parents donated 50 bucks to Senator Johnson’s rival in the last election and don’t lie to me boy!

KM:  Because apparently you and Senator Johnson are a bunch of fascist assholes and if I knew about this then I’d have told them to donate a lot more and spent less time playing X-Box and more time with the crazy militia guys that hang out in Baker’s Woods.

(Child passes out from blow to the head and scene fades to a picture of Kyle being led into a camp called Sunshine Farms Youth Reeducation Center).

So Does This Mean White People Can Get In On The Affirmative Action Policies Or Are They Still Not Allowed To Trick Or Treat At That House?

New census data confirm that some major metropolitan areas flipped from majority white to majority populations of minorities during the past decade.

White people are now in the minority in 46 of the nation’s 366 metro areas, including New York, Washington, San Diego, Las Vegas and Memphis, said William Frey, a demographer at the Brookings Institution.”

One thing I think is silly about this whole thing is they lump everyone that isn’t white into the same category of “Minority”, hell they even lump people that are white into the non-white (or minority) category like many Hispanics who are or 100% European decent but are somehow different than someone from Italy or Greece considering they are all of Mediterranean decent but the last two are jumped into the white (non-minority) category and the first into the minority category.      Anything to divide us I guess.

Honestly I could care less as long as they don’t vote for Progressives.

Out Of Fear That Nerds Might Try To Declare A Mulligan On History And Travel Back In Time To Support the Kuomintang China Bans Science Fiction Staple. 

“Hong Kong, China (CNN) – China has been cracking down on dissent of late, as the recent detainment of artist Ai Weiwei suggests.

But the latest guidance on television programming from the State Administration of Radio Film and Television in China borders on the surreal – or, rather, an attack against the surreal.

New guidelines issued on March 31 discourage plot lines that contain elements of “fantasy, time-travel, random compilations of mythical stories, bizarre plots, absurd techniques, even propagating feudal superstitions, fatalism and reincarnation, ambiguous moral lessons, and a lack of positive thinking.”

“The government says … TV dramas shouldn’t have characters that travel back in time and rewrite history. They say this goes against Chinese heritage,” reports CNN’s Eunice Yoon. “They also say that myth, superstitions and reincarnation are all questionable.”

The Chinese censors seem to be especially sensitive these days. But for the television and film industry, such strictures would seem to eliminate any Chinese version of “Star Trek,” “The X-Files,” “Quantum Leap” or “Dr. Who.”  And does that mean rebroadcast of huge Hollywood moneymakers like “Back to the Future” and the “Terminator” series are now forbidden?”

All I can think is that the Chinese government thought that if people think to hard about time travel they might get crazy ideas like what would happen if we all went back in time and stopped the communists from taking over and murdering tens of millions of us and oppressing the ones that managed to live.  Also since the last thing a communist is, is sane, they might be worried that some poor dissident might get so engrossed in the concept of time travel he ends up finding a way to do it and does the world a favor by beating to death Mao Zedong to death on his 18th birthday and does the entire world and the Chinese people a huge favor.  He’d be the best superhero ever.  Think about it he could call himself The Vigilante of Time and it could be a TV show.  It would be if Quantum Leap was about a Chinese guy jumping through time putting a bullet in the head of every shithead who ever needed it before they got a chance to be the bastard they would grow up to be.  I’d watch that show.  Hell I have no idea why that show hasn’t already been made.  If this show is ever made I don’t want any money for the idea just give me a mention in the credits and make sure you have episodes where they take out Che Guevara, Karl Marx and Hitler.  Also one where they stop they guy who invented Auto-Tune (he doesn’t have to die just stop the invention).

And Duke University Still Has Their Fingers In Their Ears While Yelling “La, La La, I Can’t Hear You”.

Durham, N.C. — Family members of a man who was stabbed in his home April 3 say he died Wednesday evening. Crystal Mangum, the Durham woman who falsely accused three Duke University lacrosse players of rape in 2006, has been charged with assaulting him.

“Durham police confirmed Thursday morning that Reginald Daye, 46, had died.

“The case remains under investigation, and we do anticipate upgrading the charges. However, no new charges have been filed at this time,” police spokeswoman Kammie Michael said in an e-mail to WRAL News.

Police said Mangum, 32, stabbed Daye in the torso with a kitchen knife during a dispute at 3507 Century Oaks Drive early on April 3…

In February 2010, police arrested Mangum after an altercation between her and a different boyfriend. In that incident, she was accused of assaulting the man in front of her children and setting some of his clothes on fire.

She was later convicted of child abuse, injury to personal property and resisting a public officer in the case, but prosecutors dismissed an arson charge after a jury couldn’t reach a verdict.”

You know if they had just locked her up for the first round of bullshit this might not have happened.  Granted I don’t know how long a jail sentence you get for false accusations are (and even though I’m on the internets right now I’m not looking it up) but it might have at least stopped for a bit the progression of her offenses.  I wonder if Mike Nifong is punching himself in the face right now.  If he isn’t he should be.

I hate it here.

Quote Of The Day

“There are three major reasons why you, and most people do not protest [the enviornmentalist attempt to reduce you to a primitive state]. (1) You take technology–and its magnificent contributions to your life– for granted, almost as if it were a fact of nature, which will always be there. But it is not and will not. (2) As an American, you are likely to be very benevolent and enormously innocent about the nature of evil. You are unable to believe that some people can advocate man’s destruction for the sake of man’s destruction–and when you hear them, you think they don’t mean it. But they do. (3) Your education–by that same kind of people–has hampered your ability to translate an abstract idea into its actual, practical meaning and, therefore, has made you indifferent to and contemptuous of ideas. This is the real American tragedy.” – Ayn Rand

I saw this on The Pigazette and thought I would share

Stop Anthropogenic Global Cooling

Due to the catastrophic effects of Anthropogenic Global Cooling (or AGC) I am now selling Carbon.  That’s right folks since I know people don’t have the time to go out of their way to increase their Carbon Footprint in order to combat AGC and keep the planet from turning into an ice cube so I will be taking it on myself to produce the Carbon for you, for a small fee of course (because I care, about money, and you’re stupid the planet).  This way you can go back to driving your Prius or riding a bike and not feal guilty about your lack of a suitable Carbon Footprint that is destroying our planet.  I know you have been taken in before from people screaming about the environmental impacts on the earth before, but I’m legit, not like those AGW people who have been lying to you for years to steal your money.  They kept telling you about Global Warming and that you had to give them your money but it wasn’t true, we know now that a new Ice Age is at hand and we need to stop it.   I’m going to do something about our problems and save our planet.

How I will use your money to increase Carbon in the atmosphere to prevent AGC:

A.  I will buy several SUV’s and any 8 cylinder car made before 1973 and keeps them running at all times.

B.  I will pave over half the Rain Forest and turn the other half into grazing land for flatulent cattle.

C.  I will give Al Gore and Obama (making sure his teleprompter nevers turns off) crystal meth. Because no one loves to hear themselves talk more then them, other than maybe Hugo Chavez thus increasing the CO2 output from their mouths by 150%.  Yes they are already annoying enough but it’s for the children…  Sorry planet.

D.  I will buy a large coal mine and light it on fire.  Those things burn for years and will give us a steady supply of the rich carbon we need to stave off AGC.

E.  I will punch holes in every single condom on the planet thus ensuring that the world will soon be overpopulated and all the Carbon Footprint goodness that comes with it.  Additionally I will get the CIA to finally release the cures for Cancer and HIV so people can just keep on humping without consequence.

F.  I will help promote an international diet of nothing but red meat, burritos and curry (do I really need to explain this one?).

G.  I will make sure every hippy gets tear gassed twice a day.  I really don’t know how this will help but it’s not like they don’t need it.  Plus nothing gets me centered and feeling good than watching hippies get abused, without that little bit of happiness in life there is always a chance I will stop trying to help save the world and end up blowing the whole thing up.  Really think of it like my own personal Prozac.

H.  I will try to end all recycling programs and all landfills.  All trash needs to be burned to help keep up the carbon in the atmosphere.  The burning will include all trash.  That would be everything, plastics, food waste, old refrigerators, Michael Moore, and the Twilight series.  Before you start bitching; yes I know burning books is bad but really who is going to care in this case,13 year old girls? Really, it’s not like their opinions matter.  If I gave a shit about what 13 year old girls thought I would read the Daily Kos or watch Keith Olbermann.  But I don’t, so I don’t.

I.  Since burning things will help stop AGC we should also burn down the United Nations building (with everyone still in it), this will have two good points.  1. Burning released carbon and that will help stop AGC and two I can’t think of anything that will make the world a better place than getting rid of those fucking rapists, thieves and leeches.  Seriously, I think other than Islam and Marxism the UN might be one of the worlds biggest threats.

J.  I will also use you donations and payments to force scientist to agree with me by buying off the Media and accusing anyone who tries to claim Anthropogenic Global Cooling isn’t real as a Holocaust Denier.  only unlike when the Anthropogenic Global Warming crowd did it we are telling the true (to power).

So now that you have seen the good work that will be done with your donations and or payments to my new business I know you want to send me money now.  So please make out your checks and send them to:

The Stop Anthropogenic Global Cooling Coalition
P.O. Box 1331
4-2-8 Shiba-Koen, Minato-ku
Tokyo, Japan 105-0011

Remember Anthropogenic Global Cooling is the biggest threat facing the Earth today and our coalition is much, much more honest than Al Gore and the Nigerian Prince you met online last week.

It’s Time To Stop Global Warming… Could Someone Please Get Me Another Coat?

So on the Global Warming front the world is showing record high temperatures this winter with the heat wave showing no signs of abating any time soon.  So these are some headlines from the top of the Drudge Report right now showing the catastrophe of this heat wave:

Winter Could Be Worst in 25 Years for USA…
CHILL MAP…
Britain braced for heaviest snowfall in 50-years…
GAS SUPPLIES RUNNING OUT IN UK…
Elderly burn books for warmth?
Vermont sets ‘all-time record for one snowstorm’…
Iowa temps ‘a solid 30 degrees below normal’…
Seoul buried in heaviest snowfall in 70 years….
Midwest Sees Near-Record Lows, Snow By The Foot…
Miami shivers from coldest weather in decade…

Oh, wait…  Did I say global warming?  Maybe all the people in the 60’s and 70’s talking about the next ice age were right?  Oh, wait all those guys are talking about Global Warming now…

Or are really cold temperatures evidence of Global Warming, that makes sense right.  It’s really cold out -record breaking cold – so the Earth must be warming up and it’s all mankind’s fault, right?  It’s the CO2, that’s it, all that natural CO2 that makes it so warm out, never mind the fact that CO2 levels rise following periods of warming not before, but I need my grant money.  Also please pay no attention whatsoever to the fact that Mars (that as far as I know doesn’t have evil people polluting the hell out of it) was also warming at the same rate that they said the Earth was.  I think it had something to do with those Sun Cycles we are not supposed to mention in the polite company of the people trying to scam money out of us or we would get accused of denying the Holocaust.  I need my grants and my Carbon Credit money!

Wait, I’m sorry it’s not Global Warming it’s Climate Change now, that way when people realize they have been had on the “Earth is going to burn up and it’s all our fault thing” we can still blame everything on mankind, still get our grant money and it doesn’t look like quite as big of a lie.  In the spring when the temperatures start to rise again we can go right back to talking about Global Warming as if it wasn’t either a natural cycle in the Earths history (because the Earth never warmed or cooled before people invented the SUV).  Seriously how many Global Warming conferences have been snowed out in the last couple years?  Maybe we should bring them all up on Racketeering charges?

Seriously I hate it here, and it’s fucking cold out…

All The News Fit To Make Fun Of

My God, LolCats Are Killing The Planet!:

“Man’s best friend could be one of the environment’s worst enemies, according to a new study which says the carbon pawprint of a pet dog is more than double that of a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle.”

I know they started with dogs and not cats but they get into how cats are also killing the environment with their evil “carbon paw prints”.  Seriously has anyone stopped to think about the fact that CO2 is natural and required  on this planet or all life will die?

Granted this crap comes from two people that wrote the book “Time to Eat the Dog: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living”.  Look I don’t have a problem eating dog or even cat (and I love kittens) and have eaten both, but I really don’t take advice from people who write a book called “Time to Eat the Dog: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living”.  It just says “crazy” on so many levels that I’m not about to give a rats ass (something I won’t eat, a rats ass mind you, the meat might be good, I don’t know but it is eaten in some countries) what these morons have to say.  Fuck you Lassie and Mittens are not killing the planet knock off the scare tactics.

We Sell Bears And Propaganda To Your Children:

Really because we don’t have enough idiocy with this Global Warming…  Wait, Fuck it’s cold as hell right now…  Um… Climate Change, yeah that’s it, Climate Change (because it’s not natural or anything, please pay no attention to the last billion years of Earth’s existence).  Yeah and because if it we get this shit from the Build-A-Bear people about how Global Warming is going to end Christmas FOREVER!!!!

Really?  We will never have Christmas again because man is killing the planet through Global Warming?  Fuck you!  Leave the kids alone already and stop it with your bullshit.

Really go to the link and watch the video it’s moronic.  How the fuck was a polar bear friends with a penguin?  So we have real scientific facts to tell kids about the environment but miss the fact that a polar bear would eat the penguin?  Sounds like someone might not know what they are talking about.

How about this asshole build be a bear with a giant middle finger and give it to yourself!

Fuck The Eco-Police, Fuck Fuck The Eco Police:

“A new global body dedicated to environmental stewardship is needed to prevent a repeat of the deadlock which undermined the Copenhagen climate change summit, Gordon Brown will say tomorrow.”

Yeah I don’t have much else for that one.  Fuck the Eco-Police, Fuck Fuck The Eco-Police.  Yes NWA kicks ass and hippies still suck ass.

After Women, Humor Is Columbia’s Greatest Natural Resource:

“Colombia’s defense chief joked Monday that Venezuelan troops might have mistaken Santa’s sleigh for a spy plane, dismissing accusations by President Hugo Chavez about drones flying over Venezuela.

Chavez on Sunday accused the United States of violating Venezuela’s airspace with an unmanned spy plane and ordered his military to be on alert and shoot down any such aircraft.”

Hugo Chavez has turned himself into such a joke the highest military commander in Columbia can’t even bring himself to try to give serious answers to the idiots accusations.  How sad is it for Chavez when he is constantly yelling about an impending war between himself and Columbia and the US and all that Columbia can do is keep laughing at his stupid ass?

Mao Zedong Does Not Belong On The White House Christmas Tree, Or Any Others For That Matter:

“Transvestites, Mao And Obama decorate White House Christmas Tree”

Seriously why the fuck does the White House Christmas Tree Mao Zedong’s face on the ornaments?  I can understand the transvestitse since it is a Democrat in office (not really but I’ll give the fucks some slack here) but Mao?  He murders millions!  He was a communist sort of the opposite of everything this country was founded on.   Obama, if you want people to stop calling you a communist you need to make sure things like this do not happen.  I know you have no idea what you are doing but you could at least look at the fucking tree.  It’s not that fucking hard is it or does the teleprompter have to do everything?

I Don’t Remember The Eighth Commandment Being Optional

“Poor people who are desperate for cash have been advised to go forth and shoplift from major stores – by an Anglican priest.

The Rev Tim Jones said in his Sunday sermon that stealing from successful shops was preferable to burglary, robbery or prostitution.”

But it’s not that bad because he also says that “I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.”

Really?  No it’s always wrong to steal no matter who it’s from, the Eight Commandment doesn’t have any qualifiers in it, its “Thou shalt not steal” end of discussion.  But no it’s OK to steal from big stores because they have a lot of money so it’s OK right?  “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house; neither shalt thou desire… his servant, nor his handmaiden, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is his. The tenth commandment forbids coveting the goods of another.”  Oh fuck, wait that’s the Tenth Commandment right?  Something about jealousy about people who have more then you?  Oh crap so it’s coveting and stealing, Right.

I recommend the people at his church fined a new one and that the Anglican leadership strip him of his priesthood.  He can think what he wants but I don’t think you need to keep around a priest that can’t figure out something as simple as the Ten Commandments.

And In The “No Shit” File:

“U.S. banks that spent more money on lobbying were more likely to get government bailout money, according to a study released on Monday.

Banks whose executives served on Federal Reserve boards were more likely to receive government bailout funds from the Troubled Asset Relief Program, according to the study from Ran Duchin and Denis Sosyura, professors at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business.”

Yeah, we didn’t already know this?  OK some people didn’t but some people are stupid.  We live in a Corporatist State it happens. And the more money they sent Obama the more money they got back right?  Of course.  I’m not saying it’s right, we need to destroy how it works so we can fix this shit.

Always Remember When You Are Broke Always Give Away Money:

“The planet may be saved after all, and it will only cost $100 billion.

Just as the Copenhagen climate summit appeared to be on the verge of unraveling, the United States Thursday announced its support of an annual $100 billion climate protection fund, the Associated Press reports.

“The US is prepared to work with other countries toward a goal of jointly mobilizing $100 billion a year by 2020 to address the climate change needs of developing countries,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said.”

Look the whole Global Warming/Climate Change is a scam, the country is fucking broke, stop giving away what is left of our money.  We give away enough money to the murderers and rapist at the UN just stop it already!

The fastest way to “Save The World” would be for every Politician (and every Hippie, Communist, Nazi, Socialist and Corporatist) to put a gun to their own head and pull the fucking trigger twice.  It might not solve everything instantly but it’s the only shot this world as at a good start.

Because The Fastest Way To Fiscal Solvency Is Always to Increase Debt:

“The measure, passed last week by the House of Representatives, would increase the debt limit, now at $12.1 trillion, by $290 billion.

Senate Democrats may approve the measure largely by themselves because most, if not all, Republicans are expected to vote against it, Republican aides said. Democrats control the Senate, 60-40.”

ARE YOU ALL FUCKING STUPID OR ARE YOU DOING THIS ON PURPOSE?

Seriously, please, please kill yourselves.

Welcome To The Lesser Of Two Evils:

“A U.S. House Democrat who opposes the health care overhaul announced Tuesday he is defecting to the GOP, another blow to Democrats ahead of the midterm elections.

U.S. Rep. Parker Griffith spoke to reporters at his home in northern Alabama, a region that relies heavily on defense and aerospace jobs.

“I believe our nation is at a crossroads and I can no longer align myself with a party that continues to pursue legislation that is bad for our country, hurts our economy, and drives us further and further into debt,” Griffith said as his wife Virginia stood by his side.”
Really both parties suck a phat one, the Republicans just suck less so welcome to the party of less suck.

I hate it here.

Tuesday Night Rants And Other Idiocies

Having an existential crisis is for people that wants to think too much without actually having to think.  Do you want to know who you are?  I know and it’s probably written on your drivers license, start there and you might figure it out.  Unless your stupid of course, and if you are stupid your are having an existential crisis right now so all of this means nothing.

Apparently it is completely possible to make money off of a web comic and yet almost never update the thing.  I have no idea how this works.  A person starts a web comic and they make no money off of it yet update it either every day or every other day (regularly anyway) and yet suddenly when they start doing it as a job (were they are presumably attempting to use it to pay rent and for their family) and suddenly they can’t figure out how to do it on the same basis.  When they were not making money and it was just a hobby and putting in at least 40 hours a week at a regular job they posted 3 times a week, when they are doing it as a job (as in that’s all they have to do) it’s maybe 3 times a month sometimes less.  How the fuck does that work?  If  you  gave me  a regular paycheck and a bottle of gin I could post on here every day if not several times a day, what’s wrong with you?

Harry Reid has claimed Republicans who are against the current health care bill are just like people who fought against ending segregation and slavery.  Wait… What?  That’s interesting since it was the Democrats (you know Reid’s party) that supported slavery and segregation and it was a Republican that ended slavery and it was a Republican that wrote the Civil Rights Act.  So Harry do you know what you are talking about?  really, it was your party that was for these terrible things you might not what to use them to bludgeon other people.  Please stop it with the race baiting someone might actually read a history book eventually and realize you’re a fuck.
News Update:  Global Warming still bullshit!

Some people take music to seriously, really it’s just music, it’s not the end all and be all of life.  Granted some people might say I’m not one to talk but really there is a point kids, it’s music not a lifestyle.  Johnny Cash wrote the song “When The Man Comes Around”, he also wrote “Boy Named Sue”.  Think about it.

Speaking of Johnny Cash, am I the only one out there that likes his version of “Hurt” better than the original Nine Inch Nails version?  Seriously the original is a good song but I just love the Cash version.  It’s kind of like how Bob Dillon can write a good song but I always like the Jimie Hendrix or Mike Ness versions are better.  Granted I love NIN (or did when they were good) but Cash owned that song.

Seriously, what the fuck happened to the Stealers?  I didn’t expect you to get a seventh ring this season but what the fuck is going on?  The Penguins are doing well, they have a shot and just didn’t die, why are you?

Did you know there is a monster iceberg heading for Australia?  Really, there is, everyone run!  It’s the end of the world!!! It’s interesting but does anyone that isn’t stupid think it’s going to sink Australia or something?  Oh you do?  You’re a moron, please never have children.

The funniest thing I ever saw was the other day there was a poll taken and 45% of the people polled said they would rather have Bush back than Obama as president.  Seriously 45%?  Come on how bad do you have to suck when Bush is getting those numbers on you?  That’s just sad.

Speaking of Obama he just accepted a Nobel Peace Prize and increased the number of US troops is a war.  Wait, how does that work?

Oh but he does do such nice speechifying doesn’t he?  OK he might if you can either stay awake long enough for him to get through the first hour of crap to get into the second and third hour of him saying a whole lot of nothing without wanting to shoot yourself, I guess he does.  I don’t even thing his teleprompter is paying attention after 5 minutes.

Now take a walk back in time to were smoking and drinking are so commonplace they are almost even mandatory, even when pregnant.  Now since we all know both of those things mixed with other harmful chemicals such as lead paint – and god knows what else in the food – that was common at the time would have a negative affect on a nations youth.  They are almost certainly going to end up having massive amounts of psychological and probably physical problems. Think about it, in 1941 no one would think anything of a pregnant woman smoking 2 packs a day while licking lead paint and drinking a 5th of whiskey, but what does it really do?  What where the consequences of that on the child?  Joan Baez that’s what happens!  Same thing if you are talking about 1937, and what do you get for it?  Jane Fonda, it kind of explains the 60’s doesn’t it.  Massive quantities of people with mental deficiencies is only going to lead to a large quantity of hippies right.

It’s almost Christmas.  So I’m going to do what I always do.  Drink too much listen to Fairytale Of New York by the Pogues one too many times and watch the MST3K version of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and avoid the shit out of my family.  Good times!

I guess it’s a slow Tuesday, I don’t have much else.

I hate it here…