Quote Of The Day

“… in the Legend of Pandora’s Box why do you think they included Hope with all the other evils?   Because Hope is the cruelest misfortune of them all.” ~  Keith Black

It’s from the Anime Project Arms, I liked the quote.  The show was OK, not the best but entertaining enough.


Sad But True

Japanese Cartoon Porn

It’s funny, and sort of sad, but it’s very true…  Anyway more fun from Japan I give you this house.

japan_upsidedown_house

I want…

It was going to happen so why not have fun with it!!!

Finding dates on the internets can be a silly thing.  Very silly or maybe even traumatic at times just try looking under the personals in craigslist and you will know what flavor of hell I am talking about.  No I would not try to find a date on there but I did have to check it out to see the train wreck of human interaction that it is.

I did however try some sites in an experiment and didn’t get a very good result such as eharmony telling me I would die alone or the epic failure of The Marriage Project on this little pit stain of the interwebs.  There is a lot of fun in the digital dating world such as Match.com the place notorious for Nigerian money scams and general douchebaggery.  There is Adult Friend Finder a place that I think is nothing more then perverts looking to spread syphilis and show close ups of their various pubic regions.  Then there is always hundreds of “Mail Order Bride” sites dedicated to getting lonely people desperate women from third world shit holes green cards.

To say the least when Newton Minow called TV a “Vast Wasteland” he had yet to experience the great atrocity of the internets.  That is not to say that TV isn’t a wasteland a few exceptions of course but the internets is a much larger place, filled with perversion, lies, hate, idiocy, pointless arguments and other such shit (like high school with more porn and less shootings).   Take Facebook where you post pictures of yourself doing drugs and acting like an ass so your future employers can understand why they don’t want hire you.  If that’s not good enough for you there is always The Daily Kos because someone has to make /b/tards look classy and intelligent (please don’t hurt me Anonymous I hate Scientology too).  Granted there are a lot of wonderful things on the Interweb such as Cracked, free Tetris, news and commentary sites like NRO or Slate,  and well Letters To a Dying Dream (shameless plug bitches).  There is Youtube a mix of shit and goodness.  You can watch the debates or a good music video or some useless asshole bitch about politics like he has anything intelligent to say when he doesn’t (thanks P. Diddy).

OK look I spend more time on the internets then maybe I should so I can’t talk that much shit but it does give people a place where people can be the biggest assholes on the planet and forget all concepts of decency (Daily Kos).  It’s good and bad but you can get more truth out of it then you think.

Anywhoo back to the point if there ever was one.  Internet dating.  Since the internets is filled with everything you can possibly want or think of (and some things you wish didn’t exist) I can find things. Many things.  What you ask did I find?  I found the best dating site ever!  Why is it the best?  Because I find it funny as hell that’s why!  And what is this magical and wonderful place?  Well kids it’s called Otaku Booty!  Yes Otakubooty.com a place where all the freaks can find a date, well might find a date. Some people couldn’t even get laid in Thailand a place where 5$ can get you anything you want (plus herpes from a underage transvestite you thought was a girl), but we aren’t talking about that kind of degeneracy.  It’s Otakubooty (I love the name) a place where the Nerds, Geeks, Otaku, fan Boys, Freaks, NEETs, Fan Girls, Hikikomori, and Dorks can interface and chat up one another.  Yes a place for the lonely freaks to find other lonely freaks to talk to.  And since most of these people haven’t been inside a pussy since they dropped out of one they are defiantly cleaner then the fucks over at Adult Friend finder (cleaner in the STD world not the bathing world although I’m sure some of them do shower daily).  Why do I talk about this rather then say the VP debates right now?  One because because I don’t have a TV so can’t watch it and will see it this weekend on Youtube (or parts since I might just give up like on the last one) and two since this is more important (since constitutionally the VP’s only job is casting the deciding vote in the event of a tie and siting around doing nothing until the event of the death of the president).  Really though if you don’t know where everyone stands by now you haven’t been paying attention (do I lie?).

Yes caring about Otaku dating websites is the most important thing we can care about at this very moment! Especially since we really need to finally get them out of the Maid Cafe’s and it’s not like we can change anything in this world right now anyway.  Really think about it, you can’t solve shit and you know it!  If your stupid hippie ass could fix shit smoking pot, not showering and having a drum circle don’t you think it might have done so by now?  Do I lie?  You have tried the same shit for forty years and it got us where? Smelly assholes, pointless unintelligent ranting and crappy jam bands (try to listen to Phish or the Grateful dead sober and even pretend they don’t suck a fat one).

Oh the point… There was one right?  Oh yeah nerd dating sites are awesome!  I can’t say they are better then the other dating sites but really these are at least fun.  I might have to do another experiment and try it out just to see if how fun it can be.  It’s not like the other ones are any better anyway and at least this place won’t judge me on my thing for Anime, bad Yakuza and zombie films and my obsession with Tetris.

What I am really trying to say is this:

You might finally score that Asian girl you have been thinking about nerdboy  (maybe but I can’t say it will be a cute one or really a girl, and lets face it many of you are hopeless since rolling a twenty is not going to get you laid but it will help you kill the Tentacle Rape Monster in Henti D&D).

In the end all I have to say is Eat Me!

How to make your own Japanese drama (it also works on Anime that do not involve robots)

japanese dramaFor anyone who wants to know the rules to making a Japanese drama here they are.

Rule 1: If it is set in high school make sure one of the lead romantic characters is rich while the other poor and find some excuse why the two families have a bad history.
If not set in a high school (or sometimes in one) Make sure that the two romantic leads are at least 7-15 years apart in age. If it is the man that is older never bother to make this an issue if it the woman is make it an issue.

Rule 2: There have to be at least 100 awkward moments between the two lovers in every episode.

Rule 3: There must always be at least one scene where the girl makes the guy lunch but for some reason he can’t eat it causing some kind of problem emotional or otherwise.

Rule 4: More awkward love scenes

Rule 5: Someone must always have to chase after their love who is on a bus, train or in a car to try to profess their love but not be able to do it. They must fall at least once.

Rule 6: Always find some excuse to have falling cherry blossoms like it happens every day in Japan (it doesn’t).

Rule 7: Awkward love scene in love motel, or school library.

Rule 8: Have secondary character(s) create some evil plan to break up couple. It should work, no matter how silly.

Rule 9: It must rain at least twice for an hour long show and once for a half hour.

Rule 10: Any time the characters try to hold hands it must be awkward and creepy if possible.

Rule 11: Always have an episode where one of the main characters has to faint in strange places due to illness emotional distress, or stress. Use this as an excuse for the two to get back together, either way you must have at least two episodes where someone has to go to the hospital.

Rule 12: All drama must be 10 episodes for hour long shows with 1 to 2 specials, or in the case of a half hour show 13 episodes, with sometimes a random special.

Rule 13: If the main characters get back to together in the final episode they must get immediately married, if it is before that they can wait a bit.

Rule 14: The main female must at some point in the series dress in a Yukata, usually for some Bon-odori festival or fireworks.

Rule 15: The father must always disapprove of his daughters love interest. He must also have about 100 different stern looks at his disposal.

Rule 16: There must be at least 10 English words in each episode and have at least 3 full English sentences per season. They don’t have to be relevant to the plot.

Rule 17: More awkward love scenes.

Rule 18: Someone must get incredibly drunk in every other episode.

Rule 19: There must always be a trip to the beach or a hot spring.

Rule 20: Unless it is absolutely necessary to the plot under no circumstances can anyone have a loan out from a real bank, all loans must come from Yakuza loan sharks. Bonus points if the collection guys are an old and hardened man who is saddened by how his life turned out and a young new recruit who while acts tough is really a nice and sensitive guy.

Rule 21: More awkward love scenes and heavy drinking.

Rule 22: Every other characters must smoke like a chimney.

Rule23: Someone must always have to leave for America either on business or for school.

Rule24: Parents always have to play good cop, bad cop. Or they should have died when one of the main characters was still underage forcing them to take care of their even younger siblings

Rule 25: Whenever possible make sure one of the love interests is dying from something.

Rule 26: All woman must at least 3 times a season wear a cross around her neck, even while going to a Shinto or Buddhist shrine.

Rule 27: Someone must sit on a park bench every episode, extra points if they pass out on one drunk.

Rule 28: There must always be a quirky but helpful old person, extra points if it is a very short old lady that likes to drink.

Rule 29: More awkward.

Rule 30: If the setting is anywhere near Tokyo there must be at least one scene in Shibuya. Bonus points if you can find an excuse to have them travel to Tokyo just for this scene.

Rule 31: When at all possible there must be a scene where a girl goes shopping and tries on 50 different outfits.

Rule 32: All t-shirts must have either English writing (does not have to make sense it’s better if it doesn’t) or be from a Japanese or American sports team.

Rule 33: At least once an episode someone’s cell phone has to run out of batteries or lose signal at the worst time.

Rule 34: Someone always has to buy a beer or coffee out of a vending machine every episode.

Rule 35: Someone always has to have a friend that was either in or is still in a motorcycle gang.

Rule 36: Try to make at least one episode so depressing it makes the audience want to kill them self, unless it is more of a comedy then just have at least one person’s good friend die.

Rule 37: In every episode you must use the the phrase “can you pass the soy sauce” at least once.

Rule 38: If set in Tokyo have at least one person do something to force them to move back to the country side, or at least try to.

Rule 39: If it is a high school drama, one student has to have sex with a teacher at least once. Bonus points if they are secretly dating or for pregnancy.

Rule 40: One of the secondary female characters must spend the entire series in unrequited love with the male lead.

Rule 41: When at all possible the Female lead must have been in a B-list J-pop group or at least have one single out. Bonus points if she sings the opening or closing theme song.

Rule 42: more drinking and awkward.

Rule 43: If it is a high school drama one girl must be a really popular rich girl with an absentee father and a bitchy mother that is a complete bitch that runs the school. Bonus points if she later has to recant her bitchiness and becomes friends with the female lead.  I think I used the word bitch one to many times there.

Rule 44: At least on male has to cry during the series while confessing some dark and horrible secret. Bonus points if someone ended up dead or in a wheelchair.

Rule 45: Any show where a girl gets pregnant and someone (usually her parents) tell her to have an abortion she will decide to keep the baby then have a miscarriage, or at least a very difficult pregnancy (see Rule 11).

Rule 46: Every other show must have an English title.

Rule 47: The main male lead’s little sister if he has one is always making him dinner.

Rule 48: More booze and awkward looks.

Rule 49: Try to make everything as depressing as possible till the last minute. Bonus points for using the ending credits on the last show to finally fix everything.

Rule 50: Have Japanese people in the show.

If you want to know how to make a Japanese game show just hook your friend’s nipples up to a car battery and ask him questions like any other quiz show.

Live action remake of Akira, welcome to hell!!!

akira Yeah they are redoing Akira as a live action movie staring Leonardo DiCaprio… YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKING ASS SUCKING TWATWAFFLES. Really is there no part of my childhood you bastards won’t rape?

So they are changing the setting to New York, and the lead characters aren’t even Japanese. They say they want to make it more in line with the original Manga rather then the Film, so how is changing a group of Bosozoku (Japanese biker gang) that sells speed in a post-apocalyptic Tokyo into a bunch of effeminate ass holes in New York, more in line with the Manga? Does Hollywood have to ruin everything? I swear to god if you fuckers go after The Goonies next and I am going to have to come down there and it is not going to be pretty.

Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou SenseiIf you like Amine I would recommend you watch Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. Really it is like the Anime equivalent of trying to listen to Atari Teenage Riot. Now considering I am a huge fan of Miike Takashi and Mystery Science Theater 3000 and am one of the only 5 people on this planet that liked if not absolutely loved the Movie “Bio Zombie” my opinion on T.V. and Film might be a little off. Well screw you it’s the rest of you retards that let Sean Penn live let alone the fact that Paris Hilton and Madonna are allowed to have movies.

What I am really trying to say here is this show is funny, take GTO and Gintama drink to much while listening to Japanese Noise core and come up with a T.V. show thats what it is, and most people have no taste anyway (hence George Clooney or Tom Cruse being movie stars) if you are going to kill brain cells might as well do it in Style.

The show is disjointed, weird and a little perverted. Essentially if you can sit through Excel Saga, the movie Gozu, or any of the Dead Or Alive’s (I have the box set… I need a life) this is probably something you should watch, and then maybe curse my name for all eternity for suggesting it. Hey it could be worse you could be watching the movie Necromantic, no seriously don’t (they even had a sequel). Really I love bad movies but just don’t do it to yourself. It’s not as bad as say Sean Penn still being alive but it’s up there.