Quote Of The Day: 911 Edition.

“I’ll just add here that commemorating 9/11 seems to me a stupid idea in
itself. A nation should commemorate its achievements, its moments of glory.
Low points like 9/11 should be passed over in grim silence, or marked by
launching a few well-aimed barrages of cruise missiles.” – John Derbyshire




This is the truth.  Don’t forget it but don’t wallow in it.  Remember it, understand it, and break the fucks that did it so hard no one will ever try it again because they will remember not what they did so much as the consequences rained down upon them for doing it.






Quote Of The Day

We have the greatest men and women fighting in our armed services and they should not be subject by playing spread the wealth by war.

– Sonnie Johnson



FYI, trying to transcribe a quote from a speech is annoying vice the ease of copy/paste.

Short Stories: I Rememeber.

The beauty of youth is that they are often un-jaded by the world not having been in it long enough to watch their hopes die with each passing day for a thousand years.  In their naiveté they have yet to learn the truth of the world.  Any side can claim them and they will march like lemmings to the slaughter for any cause have set their fancy.  The old know this and can use it for good or evil.  Cannon fodder for ideology they have yet to understand how to question.  They are destruction and innocence at the same time. The young mind can be dangerous in the wrong hands.  Well, not even the wrong hands, it can be a time bomb for anyone no matter how good their intentions may be.  When you have yet to learn how to question, often you don’t.  Cannon is all they know and in almost a brainwashed state they run towards the nirvana their masters have told them of.  It is fire, and fire cannot always be contained.  When you were an old man, remember the time you met the young maiden and she spoke to you of higher things.  When you watched her eyes and knew she had yet to truly understand the meaning behind her words, as we all have growing up.   We saw the things in life that struck cords within our hearts but she rallies to a banner, a cause!  Heroic poetry, the muse of the majestic but also of the low and vile things are in her words.  The things we run from in our age or use for our own ends.  The young are cannon fodder for our cause and the innocent we use as our mouths.  The people looking for power understand this, we love it we need it to gain our titles and riches.  I walked away.  I couldn’t even look myself in the eyes anymore.  I lead countless men to the slaughter under the banners I waved.  My hands can be cleaned of blood but my soul is caked in it.  Ground in so deep that bleach could never remove the stains on my heart and mind.  I broke and I walked away to make a hermit of myself as if I was some monk cloistering himself in his hilltop monastery to gain enlightenment.  Ha, I ran away!  I was dead inside and now some little girl is crying with those eyes I have seen a thousand times for help.  Men have died for centuries over a young girl’s cries and now knowing what I do I’m going to walk back into hell because of some pitiful creature who still believes?  Old men used by even older tricks.

I remember the stories of how my father died…

He sat looking up at the gun, the cold wind barely registering as it whipped through his tattered clothes.  “Here’s how I die.” he thought, “funny…”, it really almost was, kneeling down in the mud as the first of the winters snow came down.  Nothing else left to do but to be pushed into an open pit that would soon be the final resting place for his men.  “They wanted us to live like dogs, so killing us like them only made sense”.  Paraded in from of the helpless masses as a warning to others that might get unwanted ideas in their heads.  Rebellion against tyranny might sound like a glorious thing, but that was from the mouths of poets that either had long since forgotten the pain and despair of the struggle or those whom never saw it.  “Excuse me good sir” he said his speech in a manner of extreme politeness, more a mockery of the concept, dripping with the sarcastic flair only the jester could pull off at the gallows.  “I believe you forgot to take the safety off, I would hate to think you’d embarrass yourself at my execution sergeant, I don’t know how I could ever live with myself if you did”.  The blow from the sergeant was swift.  He could feel bones cracking as he hit the muddy ground.  It didn’t matter anymore, after the beatings they had received for the last month the pain didn’t mean anything, it was almost comical.  It was the beauty of a snuff film. You beat them as if only to prove their point of your own depravity.  “I should have died in battle not like this,” he thought, wishfully thinking “You already knew it wouldn’t end well, just a hope for some glory or whatnot.  Die on my feet, not an execution then dumped into a ditch, fucking poets never talk about this, but I guess it makes for bad stories when the hero dies in a ditch like a dog.  The only choice we have in our death is to take what comes… Well we could take it ourselves but that has less meaning then the courtroom I was in this morning… Hell if I wasn’t going to get a dignified death might as well have fun with it, I’ll give my kid a good story to tell his friends when he grows up about his bastard of a father”, as if the child would ever know.  “Excuse me sir but could you make this quick?  See I have a date tonight and if I’m late I still get charged for the full hour”.  “Prisoner 3244, do not make this harder for yourself then it is already going to be now shut the fuck up!” yelled the lieutenant as the sergeant rained more blows onto the condemned.  Almost in a daze he thought to himself about his fate, they were supposed to be warriors… No bagpipes, no young Celtic woman signing laments to her fallen love. “Fucking poets…”  The Sergeant had finally taken the safety off, he noticed.  It was time to go, “Well if there wasn’t going to be a woman’s lament at my funeral I guess I’ll just sing something myself” he thought, lifting his head up he began to shout the words to a dirty song from his youth at least it was appropriate for the situation, “You live your life like an annoying bastard might as well die as one”.  The world went red as a single round passed through the back of his skull.  A new hill of skulls for a new generation….

I remember my youth…

I remember long ago when I woke up in that trench on my 19th birthday.  This was not new for me at the time as I had done it most mornings for the past year with the occasional foxhole and cave thrown in for a nice change of scenery.  As usual I attempted to change into clean socks -clean socks being ones I might not have worn for a day or two – and questioned myself on why I was there.  I knew the answer, I just always hoped I had a better one one day but I never did.  The truth was while I was not the most ideological man in the world but I remember my surrogate father and his war stories and some things just kicked the wrong way so on day he died I picked up a gun and marched out.  I remember him to this day, he’d been a Master Sergeant in the army years before and still looked the part except his eyes had more kindness in them after having to raise a child and being forced to let go of the pain of his fallen comrades. He understood why he was left behind that day; someone had to take care of the families to be evacuated to safety especially the young pregnant bride of the lieutenant. What is more important the mission the generals send you on or the mission your friend gives you to protect his wife?  The kind of question each man can only answer for himself.   He had become the uncle of so many poor children from fathers lost, Master Sergeant Williams became Uncle Daniel the stern but kind old man for whom every word spoken was law.   The children would sit in rapt attention almost as if in formation as he would regal them of stories and knowledge of the past.  On his death bed he regretted the stories he told them of their parents war and history, it was his job to protect them, but the stories had instilled pride in their hearts over their fathers dreams and sacrifices, and wanting to live up to their fathers names they marched off to die when the rebellion started anew. He should have won, his men, his generation should of won, but they didn’t and left the next their sorrow.  That is the curse of the old warrior.  That is the curse of the bard.  For he can only sing of the young men fallen, thinking that all the good men are dead, shot through with arrows in the fields to give us even a glimmer of hope that good men will once again be. The truth is that a man can only die in vain if we care not for his sacrifice, but are many not willing to forget our past so that it becomes second nature to curse our heroes and sympathize with our enemy?  We killed ourselves for…  Um… Fuck if we know.

Like so many others I was not willing to forget.  Lucky for me that kick landed me in a trench outside Farmington eating rats and waiting for the inevitable shelling that would most likely occur at the exact moment I was trying to figure out what plant wasn’t a good idea to use as toilet paper.  I love my life… I think.  In reality at this point I’m just hoping I don’t die with a handful of poison ivy while sitting on the hole we call a latrine.

To say the least I was the worst soldier in the worst army on the planet.  The simple fact I’m alive might make that statement slightly awkward, but really, who is going to argue with me?  I might be a bad soldier but I’m still alive, I like to tell myself I have no idea why I’m still here but I think I know why, I just like to tell myself I don’t.  Makes it all sound better.  Well, in my head it does, sane people probably think something is wrong with me and they might be right but I don’t know any sane people so what do I really know about what they are thinking?

I was a soldier in a war we lost.  We were farmers and tradesmen fighting for an ill-defined ideal of freedom against our own corrupt state.  All of us pawns and we knew it but we hoped we where pawns on the side of justice in a war that lasted several lifetimes and several more if you count the average life of a soldier.  As the war dragged on, others died and I lived, I was promoted again and again but not so high that I wasn’t still a pawn.  In war the ability to survive without running away in cowardice has always been a virtue and I imagine it always will be but in the end we lost and lucky for me I was not so high that I wasn’t granted a pardon so at 25 I went back to my little town and my trade to grow older in my little apartment alone until the day she walked into my little shop on the corner of Maple avenue and who gives a shit.

Natasha was young it looked like she was twenty at most, petite, auburn hair with the look on her face of the cute ignorance of a child with a purpose.  The look that has gotten men killed for centuries and she walked into my shop to get me killed.  No, that wasn’t her intention; she wanted to start the war anew, for the fourth time because someone had filled her head with the same dreams our fathers had filled ours but she was going to get me killed.  I had known her father years before and while I had walked away to nothing but a little shop he had gone home to his family and raised his young daughter up with the idea of making his dreams a reality.  I should have thrown her out, I shouldn’t have listened but I was undone by those eyes and her promises of glory that reminded me of my youth so long ago and I marched back into my death.  Long ago I had walked away so why now was I running back?  Back to the battlefield and glories drenched in young men’s blood.  Maybe my hermitage was only my own personal purgatory while I waited to be called back as I swore I never wanted to be or would.  Maybe I’m just a sucker for the lamentations of children and other poetic lies.  Maybe I just gave up and wanted to die yet still be able to claim some honor from it.  It doesn’t matter now I picked up my banner and marched back out into the fray, back into hell itself.

I remember my death…

Five years later.  Five years after listening to the tearful pleas of a friend’s child I was kneeling in the mud in front of an open pit my jaw broken and watching the little droplets of blood falling from my face and forming a tiny pool in the dirt.  I remember pushing her out of the back as the house we were in was stormed.  I remember the trenches and death and the long hungry nights.  I remember asking myself why I was still there and why I just couldn’t let the pride of my youth go and walk away.  I remember how it felt to be alive and all the lies of the poets.  I tried to look at the sky with the one eye still not shut from trauma and caked blood but it was too painful to lift my head.  I remember smelling the oil from the gun pressed against the back of my head and trying to stutter out some empty insults to the executioners and I remember nothing else.  Fucking poets…

I’m back: Drunken Ranting, Politics And Other Things You Need To Care About!

Ah, I’m back.  I know how much you all missed me.   I’m sorry, I truly am, but I am back now so you can all stop cutting your wrists and crying yourselves to sleep every night.   I was just really busy doing things like going to a concert every weekend, watching every season of Stargate: SG1 and Arrested Development, getting a girlfriend, getting a promotion at work, getting a demotion at work, breaking up with a girlfriend, getting promoted again at work and well generally doing everything but paying attention to this blog.

Anyhoo, I have a couple things I need to post that I have worked on in my absence, but I think I’ll start off with a good drunken rant.  So everyone pour yourself a drink, put on your seat belts and your self-righteous sense of indignation and let’s get with the ranty…

Julian Assange the rapist that runs Wikileaks is in the news a lot.   I find it funny that the guy claims to be protecting free speech and trying to keep the public informed about the actions of the government(s) but how come he only goes after countries that are already for the most part open societies?  You never see this douche ever releasing tones of documents from China or Iran? If the fuck really cared about all the crap he says he does his site wouldn’t be quite so one sided.   The keep saying they have a bunch of dirt on Russia and China they are going to release but they never get around to it.  Why is that?  Plus the guy is yelling that if Sweden tries to have him arrested on rape charges or if he is extradited to Sweden he will release more stuff.  Really?  Instead of trying to defend himself against the rape charges he tries to blackmail everyone into not doing anything about it or he will release stolen classified documents.  He is a good guy to say the least.  If the fuck hadn’t raped those girls you think he wouldn’t need to try to blackmail the world into getting out of it.  Fuck him.  OK so maybe he didn’t and it was just some girls angry that he nailed them both in the same week, still does the loser have to try to blackmail people to get out of it?

North Korea is acting up again.  By this point I don’t even know if it qualifies as news.  A more shocking headline might go like this:

“North Korea acts like a civilized country”

Even China is trying to find a way to tell them to fuck off without making it look like they have capitulated to the West.   It’s so bad that China told the U.S. not to send a Carrier Group into the China sea and when the U.S.  did it anyway to fuck with North Korea China didn’t say shit.  Hugo Chavez won’t even talk to them and he will suck up to anyone that hates the U.S.   Look North Korea, if China will not lift a finger to protect you there is no way you can win a war with anyone.  Remember Iraq?  The countries government was destroyed in weeks.  Yes there was still fighting after that but that was a bunch of angry jihadists not a country’s army.  You have a big army but they are extremely underfed and poorly supplied.  Your missiles rarely do anything other than blow up the launch pad and your most “advanced” jets are so old one U.S. Aircraft Carrier could destroy your entire Air Force before lunch.  I know you might be able to make a little trouble in a war but unless you are trying to commit suicide you might want to take a moment and think about what you are doing.

Potential dates should come with warning labels.  Like “I’m really married and have kids but I want a boyfriend on the side.  And no you can’t date other people, I don’t want you cheating on me”.  Fucking hell people are crazy.  I find out you are married and you get angry at me for having a problem with it?

Other good warning labels would be:

“I have kids I’m not going to tell you about”

“I’m not going to mention I’m not here legally until it’s too late”

“I’m just trying to get a sugar daddy/mommy”

“I’m going to make this as serious as possible even though I know I’m moving out of the country/state/city… Well…  You get the point”.

“I’m already pregnant with someone else’s kid”

“I have (inset name of STD here)”

Fucking hell, dating sucks.  Thank god I never had to deal with the last one.

The TSA.  Yes apparently they now either have to take naked pictures of you in a machine that causes cancer or caress your junk in order to let you fly.  I’m all for reasonable security but is this really necessary?  They don’t even know the long term effects of the machines.  There is serious worry that is could cause fertility problems and problems to pregnant women but fuck it lets do it anyway.  Come the fuck on people!  We all know who the problem is.  It’s pissed off Moslems.  Stop strip searching old ladies and tourists and go after the real threat.  Pissed off Moslems.   I don’t mind the metal d detectors or the bag x-rays but shouldn’t we be focusing our efforts on the people who want to blow up planes?  Like pissed off Moslems?  Even the terrorists with the ELF and ALF aren’t trying to blow up planes.   Saying it’s wrong to profile pissed off Moslems is like saying it’s wrong to profile sex offenders or serial killers.  Fucking hell people buy a fucking clue.

Anyway if you do want to do the full body scan and not the sexual assault portion of your security screening at the airport I suggest everyone puts on a stap-on dildo when they do it.  All the women will look like they have a penis and all the men will look like they have two. Also make sure you smile at the screeners like a pervert and see if they have enough balls to ask the questions you know they don’t want to ask.

People need to be more honest in relationships.  If you only gave me your phone number and kissed me was because you were drunk just tell me that before I spend 10,000 Yen on tickets to a concert for us so you can do everything in you power to avoid me.  Hell why the fuck did you tell me you wanted to go with me when I asked?  I’d chalk this up as someone trying to get a free ticket to a show if it were not for the fact you showed up so late you missed 95% of it.   Really I just want to thank you for that.  I spent 5,000 Yen so you could see the last two songs.  Hell, by the time you showed up I figured you were not coming (especially since your friend showed up and said you weren’t) and was having a great time with this other girl who you then thankfully cock-blocked me from when you did show up only to once again continue to mess with me just enough to make me think I had a chance.  Seriously, fuck you.

I live in Japan as people who have read this crap I call a blog before might know.  Japan really needs to get rid of Article 9 of their Constitution (it’s the one that says they can’t have a real military for people that don’t know).   They do, China is a fuck but they aren’t really attacking anyone (that isn’t one of their own people) but North Korea is a problem.  Plus they just need too.  It’s time they woke up and took charge of their own defense.  I’m not saying they need to get rid of the U.S. that partnership is good for both countries but they can’t spend the rest of their existence depending on another country for their defense.  The second Japan wakes up and builds themselves a real army, navy and air force it will give North Korea a whole new set of things to be worried about.  They might even stop trying to lob missiles over the country and kidnapping Japanese children.  Right now the Japanese politicians like getting themselves elected bitching about the U.S. Military knowing that they will never do anything about it.  They know they don’t have the balls to to kick America out (something they can do at any time) because they want to be protected by the U.S. but still be able to use it as a wedge issues at election time.  Plus they don’t want to spend the money it would take to deal with national defense.  It’s a joke.  Stop it.  It’s not 1946 anymore.  Grow up.

I would follow you into hell itself Petty Officer Hashimoto!

Why did several of my non-American friends wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving on their Facebook pages?  I don’t get it?  You’re from Poland or Japan!  I know you have some American friends and all I just think it’s odd.

Speaking of Facebook I really do not know why I have an account.  I have a regular email address people can use.  I really do not know what the point of most of it is.  Especially the status updates.  Fucking hell I really do not know why you need to post pictures of what you made for dinner or the fact you are shopping at some fucking store.  It’s like the height of vapid egotism.  I understand maybe telling people you got married or that you will be in town for the weekend.  I get the invitations to events.  But for the love of all that is holy I have no idea why I need to know you are currently reading Green Eggs and Ham to your kid.  Plus how they hell are you reading to your kid and posting on Facebook at the same time?

Why can you buy everything NIN has ever released on iTunes except their first album?  I can either buy it off iTunes for $9.99 and the money goes to the band or I can get it for $3.00 at a used record shop and they make no money.  Think about it guys.

Speaking of iTunes, has anyone else had the problem were the track names are wrong?  I had that happen a couple times were all the song names moved down a rank so track 1 had track 2’s name and so on.  One time it was just all jumbled up.  This has only happened like 3 or 4 times though so I’m not saying it’s all fucked up but it’s not always correct.

Apparently the other day some Egyptian officials have said the recent shark attacks around the Sinai Peninsula may be a plot by the Mossad proving once again there is nothing Moslems won’t try to blame on the Jews.   It’s like they think Dr. Evil is running Israel.  The sad thing is that Egypt is one of the saner Moslem countries.

The Berkeley City Council is considering a resolution to declare Pfc. Manning, the asshole that stole then released thousands of classified documents to Wikileaks a hero.  What the fuck!  I understand that Berkeley is one of the most insane places in America but come the fuck on people, how the hell is releasing classified documents to foreign nationals while in a warzone heroic?  It’s treason you shitheads.  Why the hell haven’t we walled off California from the rest of the country?  We could let Puerto Rico in as a state and still have 50.  We could either have the unwashed communist douche-bags that make up Berkeley or we could have Puerto Rican girls and mofongo.  Think about it.

Speaking of Wikileaks a lot of people have been attacking people and companies that didn’t support them.  So much for free speech I guess.  It’s cool to have free speech when you want them to release classified documents but not OK for other people to use their own freedoms to disagree with you.  I really would like to know exactly how much hypocrisy you can spill out before cognitive dissonance starts to manifest itself in your brains.  Fuck now I’m going to get attacked…

I have always liked the quote “Your failure to plan does not constitute and emergency on my part”.  Sometimes it starts with “your piss poor planning”.  Really if you knew about a project months ago and did nothing do not come to me 5 minutes before I leave work and try to tell me you need something by tomorrow.  Not only are you expecting me to stay late to get you out of your own fuck up but you and trying to tell me that everyone who had come to me well in advance needs to wait because you fucked up.  It’s rude and irresponsible and I’m not going to screw over other people because of your mistakes or laziness.

And here is a funny ass video I found on Because No One Asked.

I know what cat tastes like.  I also know what dog, horse, alligator, kangaroo and sea urchin taste like, and they are tasty!

Speaking of eating cat, why do people think it is disgusting?  You eat things like shrimp and crab right?  You eat lobster and that is just a giant underwater cockroach.  But cat is gross?


Not food?

The Yakuza video game series is coming out with 2 new games and one has zombies!!! It’s like Sega has finally read all my letters and death threats.  OK they already put out 4 in Japan but it won’t come out in English till March 2011.   5 has the zombies but I don’t know when it is coming out in English.  It better be quick Sega, it better be quick…

See the awesome?  Do you see it!!!

They say the insane man never questions his sanity.  So that would mean only the sane ever ask themselves if they might be crazy, but can someone really be sane if they feel the need to question their sanity?

If you are trying to rationalize or deconstruct that the farther away from the truth you will be. Seriously you should be laughing you humorless pretentious fuck.

I really think the Emo kids should be thanking Hipsters.  Why?  Because at least they finally have someone out there more useless and annoying than them.  Good for you Emo kids you finally have someone to look down on, someone to pick on, aren’t social hierarchies fun?

What is the point of the “Wink” on dating websites? Is it just saying I like you but have no idea what to say so hopefully if I wink at you will start and conversation and I don’t have too?  Are we to shy to just say hello so we just wink at everyone hopping one of them will introduce themselves?  To be fair the wink at least makes more sense than the “poke” on Facebook.  Why would you poke someone.  It’s considered rude in real life but on the internets you are supposed to poke people?  At least a wink you can tell yourself “hey they think I’m cute or fun” or something.  With a poke all I want to do is say “Stop poking me you fuck it’s rude”.  But I can’t do that because then they might think I want to talk to them.  They need a punch button.  You’d get a nice email from Facebook saying something like “You have just been punched by Robert Henderson for poking him” or “You have just been punched by Megumi Nakahara for your Farmville request”.

The Grocery store by me house needs to stay open later.  I run out of beer around 9 but you always close at 7.  It’s not my fault that I didn’t know I wanted to keep drinking after you close.  Sometimes I only want a couple and sometimes I just don’t care that it is Wednesday and I have to go to work tomorrow.  You need to be there for me guys.  You know I love you…

Hmm…  Beer run…

Why did you need to know that?

You didn’t, it’s almost like this is Facebook…

Seriously why the hell do I even have a Facebook account? The only time I ever post anything it to make fun of other people’s stupid posts of post random Megadeth and Misfits videos for no reason.  Well at least it’s not Twitter…

Why do I pick on Twitter you ask?  Well because I pick on everything.  That and Twitter is the only thing on the planet other than maybe Kanye West that can make I Can Has Cheezburger look deep and meaningful.

FYI Kanye West has a Twitter account.  I’m just amazed that hasn’t caused an black hole that is slowly draining all intelligence out of the universe.


Wait I might have spoke too soon…  Fuck… Now I have to talk about Dancing With The Stars.  Why do you fucks make me do this?  And Why do I do it when I know that i don’t have too?  God how I hate you all…  First off I will tell you I have never watched this show and have no wish to do so.  I just don’t care. It’s a fucking TV show about dancing for fucks sake!   So why am I talking about it?  Well apparently people got so worked up about Bristol Palin being on it and the fact that she wasn’t kicked off that they called the FCC to complain and demand and investigation of the show.  Some people went so far as to make really threatening comments and one guy even shot his TV over the fact she was on it.  Look crazy people you win the show by having the most votes, and enough people called in to vote to keep her on so she stayed no matter how bad you think her dancing was.  Plus she didn’t even win the fucking thing.  OK, sanity check for all you fucks out there.  IT IS A SHOW ABOUT CELEBRITIES (IN THE LOOSEST POSSIBLE DEFINITION OF THE TERM) DANCING.   AND WE GET THIS WORKED UP OVER IT?  Seriously it’s a stupid show about people who we might know having a dancing competition it’s not that important.  More idiots bitched about Bristol Palin’s dancing than said shit about that fact North Korea started shelling a South Korean island killing several people.  Do you hate Sarah Palin that much that the fact her daughter – who is not in politics even the littlest bit – had people vote for her on a fucking stupid reality show about b-list celebrities dancing that you act like it is the end of the fucking world while North Korea and Iran are trying to start WWIII?  Seriously you need to get your priorities strait.  Bristol Palin’s dancing has no affect on the planet or anyone’s daily life.  It’s not fucking important.  The fact that North Korea is trying to start a fucking war with South Korea and may have nukes is important.  The fact that their friend Iran is trying to get nukes is important.  Bristol Palin’s dancing does not have the potential to start a nuclear war in Asia and the Middle East.   If Bristol Palin’s dancing is biggest issue of the day I would say the world is a good place.  The problem is that it’s the least we have to worry about and that is what you morons chose to pay attention too.  Fucking hell…

I always liked the quote from the Joker in the 1989 movie Batman “This town needs an enema”.  I really think we need to say this world needs an enema though.  And a couple punches in the face…

I always hated Christmas.  Not because of the religious parts and not even because of the commercialization to the point where it has nothing to do with the religious aspects.  I always hated it because of Christmas music.  Most Christmas music is fucking terrible and annoying.  You go into a store and you here the same couple songs over and over for a month (if not sometimes longer) strait.  I once had a job were not only did they pipe the shit over the speaker system but in the front where I worked they had something else playing music so you had to listen to two different Christmas songs at the same time. Stop it, just stop it already.  Then there are the annoyances about people expecting you to be with your family and get presents for everyone and all that shit.  My family has email and I might even remember to send a message every other year so lay off.  On the presents thing, last time I check Christmas was about celebrating the birth of Jesus.  Jesus got presents on his birthday because it was his birthday and he was the son of fucking God.  You’re not the son of fucking God so why should you get anything?  You don’t expect to get presents on your mom or Glenn Danzig’s birthday do you, so why do you have to get greedy the second Jesus wants to party a bit?

For all this talk I do celebrate Christmas in my own way.  I play Fairytale Of New York by the Pogues, watch the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of Santa Claus Conquers The Martians and get drunk.   Basically do the same thing I do on Valentine’s Day only without the crimes against humanity…  This year however there is a Rockabilly show with Burlesque dancers and Santa Claus…  I’m going to hell aren’t I?

Iran was in the news the other day for sentencing someone to be blinded by acid.  As sad as it is it is a step up from their usual stoning to death rape victims.  At least this guy did commit a crime.  I guess it was a slow week for them since they didn’t have any homosexuals to hang or students to rape and murder.  Fuck you Iran, fuck you.





I hate it here…

Violent Peace Activists, Israel And The Blockade Of Gaza

People make a big deal about the fact Israel is running a blockade of Gaza.  I know it’s terrible if Israel blockades Gaza there is no way for the poor people of Gaza to get more weapons so they can kill Jews food and medicine… O’ wait a second, Gaza also boarders Egypt and Egypt walled the place off and will not let supplies in through their side ever since the last time they let someone do it and Hamas started shooting at everyone killing an Egyptian police office.  So it’s not just Israel doing this, but Israel is the bad guy.  Furthermore food and medicine are already regularly sent to Gaza through Israel so the point of sending in humanitarian supplies this way are pointless.  Wait, sorry this is about yelling about the filthy Jews Israel pay no attention to Egypt since it doesn’t fit the politics.   Also last time I checked when Israel relinquished control of Gaza to the Palestinians they destroyed most of the greenhouses where all the food was grown in Gaza and elected Hamas as their leadership.  Fuck Gaza.  Really they could get food from Egypt but Egypt walled it the fuck off to keep them out and won’t give them supplies but somehow Israel is the bad guy (even though they do send food and medical supplies into Gaza) and not Hamas the leadership of Gaza who who are terrorists and want to ethnically cleanse the world of Jews (and anyone who isn’t Moslem or even if they are  Moslem but does not support Hamas, OK Hamas wants almost everyone who isn’t them dead)?  Israel isn’t stopping supplies coming in from Egypt but no we are angry because Israel wants to blockade a place that wants to kill them.  Am I the only one that thinks this is insane?  Now the new fun is that Israel tried to enforce this blockade and some protesters died.  Now I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people, I don’t.  I really don’t.  They didn’t need to do this Israel told them they could send in the supplies through Israel as long as the supplies were checked for weapons but the people doing this refused and went ahead to try and break through the blockade.  They are trying to help fucking Hamas, fuck them not only that but they attacked the Israeli troops and you wonder why some of them ended up a little dead.  Really watch this video.

Well those “peace activists” looked rather peaceful.

OK, so the UN wants to investigate so they can do what they usually do.  Yell about how evil Israel is while they suck up to every psychotic dictator on the planet in an attempted to make money off it while their blue helmeted troops continue the murder and rape sprees the call “peace keeping operations”.    Fuck the UN.  Now the Moslem World (otherwise known as a place civilization forgot) is angry at Israel, well fuck them.  They are always angry at Israel, the only time they would stop being angry at Israel is if every Jew on the planet was dead.  Hell the Moslem world wont be happy until every non-Moslem was dead and then they would kill each other until only the Shiites or Sunnis are left.  OK, and then the Arab Moslems would kill everyone that isn’t Arab and then…  Fuck it, to say the least by the end of it all would be left would be one guy left claiming he is the last true Moslem.  OK, my point is fuck the “Moslem World” and until the day they learn how to be civilized they have no business sitting at the grown-up table and their opinions don’t matter.  I should rephrase some of what I just said.  The analogy of the not letting the Moslem World sit at the grown-up table is wrong but I don’t have a better one.  They shouldn’t be let around the kids considering their penchant for child brides, pedophilia and training children to be suicide bombers is reason enough to make the analogy sound wrong but until someone has a better one I’m going with that.

When it all comes down to it, it is easy for people to yell about Israel and when they do because unlike the tolerant Moslem World Israel isn’t going to burn down you embassy, behead journalists, kill cartoonists, threaten violence over every slight (not matter how bullshit or stupid)  or try to blow up your airports, subways or building.  Israel isn’t going to strap children and retarded women with explosives and blow up schools or hospitals.  They are not going to threaten genocide against anyone that isn’t Jewish or any of the millions of other murderous and crazy things that come out of the Moslem World (yeah I gave up using quotes, if you care eat me).

When it all comes down to it if useful idiots in the west want to die to protect Hamas or any other group of crazy Islamic assholes (that would kill them the second they got a chance) let them.  Fuck it, don’t bother stopping them, just take all the assholes that want to go, take away the supplies and drop them off in Gaza and let them stay there with their new “friends”.  If they luck out and not get their heads cut off maybe they can try to teach the people in Gaza how be nice tolerant people.  Or maybe they will just end up with a very, very close shave.  Either way they want to be there let the morons go and let them stay there.  And if the civilized world wants to make friends with butchers they have lost the right to consider themselves the civilized world, and I unlike those morons am not going to walk into my execution trying to give the butchers a hug.  You want to die for a bunch of people whose religion wasn’t even considered civilized at the standards of the 7th century when it was shit out of an illiterate child rapist go right ahead, I’m not going with you.  I’m going to fight.  As someone once said “If you want to kill the Enlightenment you have to come through me”.  Much like that if you want to destroy the civilized would for the words of a 7th century child rapist I’m not going to go down like that.  Fuck Islam, fuck Gaza, fuck Hamas, fuck Muhammad, fuck Palestine, and fuck the stupid western useful idiots who want to protect them at the expense of their own civilization.  I stand for freedom and reason, Hamas stands for ethnic cleansing, murder and terrorism.  It’s one thing to be tolerant of others, but I’m not going to tolerate people who want to kill me!  As Drunken Llama would say, “Fatwa my dick bitches”.

Now enjoy this video I got from MK from Down Under On The Right Side:


I hate it here…

The Ramifications On The Sinking Of The Cheonan And The New Korean War

A lot of new and fun things have been coming from the Korean peninsula recently and I as the worlds foremost experts in all things pertaining to North Korea figure I should once again take you on a journey towards the Hermit Kingdom.

Recent developments have shown that North Korea did in fact sink a South Korean war ship the ROKS Cheonan (PCC-772),  killing 46 people.  This has led to higher than normal tensions between what some refer to as Good Korea and Bad Korea (if you can’t figure out which is which shoot yourself for being a communist).  South Korea has retaliated by tightening sanction and stopping much of the trade between the two countries.  North Korea responded by once again screaming about war denying everything like usual no matter how insane their lies are and may shut down what is left of the trade between the two.  Both countries will deny each other use of ports, airspace and national waters.  North Korea claims any sanctions or any penalty for anything they ever do is an act of war against them (but them torpedoing a ship and killing people is OK for some reason).  Is it going to end it war?  Well I’m going to go with no, because China is still going to pretend to mediate but basically back North Korea simply because they are both communist countries, although I doubt they would send troops in if a war started but they would as usual send supplies and sell them arms even if they do it quietly (although they probably won’t both to do it quietly since every time they sign on to stop sending the money and arms the just do it anyway and everyone knows it).  South Korea probably knows that Obama doesn’t have the stomach to really back them if a war starts.  South Korea probably knows war is not the best answer because they would be on their own and if they did crush North Korea it would cause them to go broke trying to rebuild it if they went for reunification and there would be a lot of other problems if they crushed the North and then let them keep their country.   North Korea needs to talk about war to keep their population in line but knows they don’t have the money or resources to wage a real war.  China doesn’t want a war because they might also have to pick up the tab for North Korea and deal with the refugee problem it would create and also doesn’t want a unified Korean peninsula with a pro-west or at least pro-democracy government so they want to keep the status quo.  America is dealing with two other wars and has a leader who can’t even talk to a class of 4th graders without a teleprompter and when it comes to military decisions waffles so much it causes earthquakes

While North Korea has an extremely large army it is very underpowered technologically and the troops are staving.  They can do some damage but they can’t wage a protracted war without turning the whole army into a suicide squad.  War is not their aim.  I know it sounds odd when I say they did not try to start a war.  They attacked another country but are not trying to get into a war? Yes, that’s what is going on.  It makes sense from their thinking, well to a point I was even surprised they went this far however unless they pull a couple more stunts like this I will say that they don’t want a war.  What they want it to give South Korea and the rest of the world a black eye and use the war propaganda to get them through the sanctions and show everyone how tough they are.  They know or at least think the UN will not do anything about it (well everyone knows the UN will not do anything), South Korea and America don’t want a war and even if the South did America doesn’t want to get into another one right now and without American support South Korea will be hesitant to attack and due to the world’s economy being in the toilet the rest of the world, or at least the portions who while wouldn’t help militarily but may help economically will be hesitant to spend large sums in support of the South thus helping North Korea get away with this.

Now the question becomes why would North Korea bother to do this in the first place?  It’s because Kim Jong-il is old and probably dieing.  His successor Kim Jong-un is relatively unknown and unlike Kim Jong-il was not groomed for years as a successor so this causes  problems in a communist country since it is the only country that has ever existed that has a system best described as a Dynastic Communism. In order for Kim Jong-un to come to power with at least a little of his father’s power North Korea need a good propaganda coupe to look powerful in the world towards the people.  Acting aggressively like this and not suffering military consequences does this for the most part.  Basically they are bluffing the world much like they always do when they scream about war only this time they upped the ante by blowing up a South Korean ship and if the world doesn’t call the bluff they will succeed and they can run with the propaganda for a couple of years and use it to help ease the succession problems at least somewhat.

Do I want war?  No, not really, war isn’t a good thing, it is sometimes necessary though.  The men that died aboard the Cheonan need justice but in this world justice is in very short supply.  The problem with this is that there are no good options, sanctions have never worked with North Korea for longer than a week, they will pretend to be good now and then but they never change.  war could be catastrophic for the Korean peninsula both in the human and economic costs.   I have already mentioned the problems with outside support so the financial burden that may be lifted to some extent (although the human cost will remain) will not be lessened much if at all.  In a better world even if something like this did happen a large international force would have started operations last week and while the war would happen the financial cost and the human cost would be more spread out and the reconstruction of the North after the end of the war wouldn’t bankrupt South Korea.  But we live in this world where the UN sits by and watches genocide while raping and stealing from the ones lucky enough to survive and most counties think diplomacy is the answer to everything no matter what evidence there is to the contrary.

So what is the cure for all this mess?  Fuck if I know.  OK I do know to a point.  The civilized world needs to enforce strict sanctions making it illegal to sell or buy anything from North Korea (china and the uncivilized world will not go along but other than China most of the uncivilized world excluding some Middle Eastern countries don’t have much money).  We also need to get an international force to station more troops on the border shut down the sea lanes and let North Korea know that if they try to pull something they will be destroyed.  OK in reality the cure for this is for the world to pull its head out its ass and do a bunch of other things it will never do.  OK better solution, hid under your desk cover your ears and eyes, cry like a little bitch and hope it will all go away (or in other words mostly what the worlds leaders do now).  I’m counting on not much happening other than talk and I will still have to deal with North Korea shooting rockets over my head (I live in Japan if you didn’t know), well when their rockets don’t blow up during the launch.

Alright I’m joking, I think…  OK that wasn’t a joke I just want to tell myself it was.  Other than what little sanctions we can get right now we probably won’t be able to do much until Kim Jong-il finally finds his way to hell and if we are luck we can find a way to work with Kim Jong-un and hope (yes “hope” also known as lying to yourself so you don’t cry yourself to sleep every night) he has the power to do something and be North Korea’s Mikhail Gorbachev.  Then we have to hope that unlike Russia North Korea doesn’t end up with their own version of Putin and the rest of the ex-KGB and Russian Mafia that is currently running Russia.  Yes, Russia’s current leadership is still a bunch of bastards but they cause less international problems than the old Soviet Union.

The good news is that North Korea probably can’t cause WWIII since most countries won’t back them in a shooting war so unless China gets really stupid and commits troops (something they know is not in their economic interest) we don’t have to worry about that.  The bad news is that what I just said was the closest thing we have to good news.

I’m not going to get into much else about what would happen in a war, North Korea’s military or the ramifications of a change of government because I have already done it several times so if you want more just go here and you can read all my other articles on North Korea (really, do it, you might learn something).


I hate it here…

North Korea Threatens To Blow Themselves Up, World Could Care Less

I spend a lot of my time making fun of North Korea or at least the Tiny Tot they call their leader anyway.  I do it because I care, about humor, political humor that is (if you don’t find me funny you rape baby seals and can watch MSNBC without laughing… I really don’t know what bothers me more about you…).  I also care about Korea, sort of, I care about Korean women because I find them to be rather attractive so if you are a young Korean Woman in her 20’s or early 30’s please go here…  Wait that wasn’t the point of this was it?   What was I talking about?

Oh… Right… North Korea blowing stuff up

OK I’ll be honest, North Korea didn’t threaten to blow themselves up, they threatened to blow up the United States and South Korea.  And while they may be able to do some damage I think they will hurt themselves a bit more than they will hurt anyone else.  First off their main ballistic missile is the Taepodong-2 and it has a tendency to blow up during launch.  Now this might cause a problem for them when they try to blow someone else up considering the Type of dong-2 Taepodong-2 even when it doesn’t blow up during the launch is more likely to act like a boomerang and  still blow up the launch pad  than actually get close enough to do anything.  Yes I know every now and then they get one in the air that doesn’t come back and blow up the poor bastard that tried to launch the thing but it’s not very often.  To put it in perspective the Withdrawal Method has a better chance at preventing crabs than one of those things has of hitting it’s target (unless the target is the launching pad, they are good at that one).  Interestingly enough maybe if they set the target as the launching pad they might get lucky.  Granted this is the same logic that makes me wonder if I might be able to make a hole-in-one while golfing if I aimed in the opposite direction of the green but that’s why I don’t play golf, I’m bad at it, very, very bad at it (unless I’m in someone’s living room with a Wii controller in my hand).  My point is when your only hope is a Hail Mary that requires you to shoot at yourself you might want to find another game to play.  You’d be safer playing Russian Roulette with a Colt 1911.

Well if their missiles aren’t that good they do have other things.  Like top-notch fighter jets…  Wait, nope don’t have that either.  They do have fighters but much like the hilarity that is the name of their missiles their jets are even better.  The North Korean Air Force still use MIG-15’s. Now why is this funny?  Well for two reasons.  The first is that the MIG-15 was top of the line when it was introduced and was a formidable fighter jet, but that was in 1947.  So their aircraft are over 60 years behind the times.  But wait there’s more!  All jets have a number such as the F-14, F-22 and so on, but they also have what is called a Reporting Name.  In the case of the F-14 it’s the Tomcat and the F-22 it’s the Raptor.  Good, strong names.  The MIG-15 is the Fagot.  Seriously I’m not making this up.  the North Korean Air Force is flying around in a bunch of Fagots.  Granted I will give them that it’s not their most popular fighter.  The second most popular fighter – that isn’t for only training purposes – is the Shenyang J-5 that was introduced in China in 1956, but it is really just a copy of the MIG-17 introduced in 1952.  Sadly both the Shenyang J-5 and the MIG-17 are called a Fresco and not say the MIG-17 Dike and then moving on to the MIG-21 Lady Boy (the MIG-21 is a Fishbed, it’s not really a step up though).  Yes their most popular fighter is the MIG-21 Fishbed.  I’m so, so afraid.

This is what the North Korean Air force is made of:

The MIG-15 Fagot

The MIG-17 Fresco

The MIG-19 Farmer

The MIG-21 Fishbed

The sad thing is that the 8-track deck your grandfather has at his house is more technologically advance than the entirety of the North Korean Air Force.

Then there is the North Korean Army.  Yes it is quite large for a country that size, but they haven’t eaten in weeks.  If they ever tried to invade South Korea people would be confused weather or not it was an invasion or a bunch of refugees fleeing across the border looking for food.  We don’t even need land mines on the DMZ we could just drop thousands of pounds of Twinkies and Ramen Noodles on the advancing North Korean Army and it would halt them in their tracks.  Hell the only reason their Tinny Tot of a communist dictator (I know communist and dictator in the same sentence is redundant but every now and then a dictator isn’t a communist or socialist) still pulls this shit is he’s hoping the world doesn’t call his bluff so he can dupe them into sending more food aid.  Sadly it works, I don’t know why but I suspect it’s because half the world feels bad and the rest don’t want to look bad by picking on the kid in the wheel chair.  It’s that or the fact we all know that if it gets any worse we might actually have to go in there and do something.  It would take 50 years and a 500 billion dollars to get them to Somalia levels of civilization.  Think about it like this I could go to Somalia right now and get a cellphone an internet connection and a HDTV and a Blu-Ray player.  In  North Korea I can’t even get an aspirin without having to bride 18 members or Kim Jong-il’s inner circle.  The country had to kidnap a South Korean Film Director and Actress in order to have a film industry and the best the North Korean film industry could come up with was a cheep knock-off of Godzilla called Pulgasari (the only reason this movie was sent to international audiences was because some Japanese guy thought it would be funny).*  In their version he is a nice monster and only becomes evil because of Capitalism (Michael Moore has better stuff and he’s illiterate).  That’s what we are working with here.  That’s why we pay the bribe money, we don’t have kind of money or time it would take to fix them so it’s easier to just leave them to fester and take care of the ones lucky and smart enough to get away.

Granted the world might not have the money to pull North Korea out of the hole they dug but we could afford to drop over more than Twinkies and Ramen Noodles to get them to stop an attack.  But why bother, plus you have to start them off slow.  We are talking about a county where the national dish is Grass Soup and dog meat is considered something only the rich can afford.  Now people do eat a lot of dog meat in North Korea, but if your not connected trust me it’s not dog.  What they call dog meat is what we in the rest of the world call “Longpig”, it’s just easier to call it dog meat than try to explain to your family that you traded their dead Grandmother to the family down the street for their dead uncle (because no one wants to eat their own grandmother and no one in North Korea with believe that you somehow found fresh beef the day after grandma dies).  so dog it is (FYI dog is good and beef like).

So please do the world a favor North Korea and knock the shit off.  Your entire air force can be stopped by one Squadron of F-18’s, your army can be bought off with a couple bags of Doritos and  some instant ramen, your missiles only shoot one way (at the poor bastard that launched the thing) and your nuclear program is only a worry if you can figure out how to smuggle a weapon to a bunch of cave dwelling goat raping Islamakazis who would probably just blow themselves up since they would not be able to read the Korean instruction manual much less translate it into their own language something they also can’t read.

I almost feel bad about laughing at you.  Almost….


*  Yes it was a joke and no, the two kidnaped individuals had nothing to do with that film, I was making a point about how crappy the North Korean film industry is since the two individuals were at the time considered South Korea’s greatest director and actress.  For those who don’t know South Korean cinema is good, very good, but even their best couldn’t fix North Korea.  To put it another way, it’s as if you kidnaped Alfred Hitchcock and Audrey Hepburn, make them teach you everything they know and still can’t come up with anything better than a movie Carrot Top wouldn’t be a part of.  They can’t even get to Ed Wood level of bad (I don’t know what is worse Ed Wood or Carrot Top, at least Ed Wood can be unintentionally funny, were Carrot top is trying to be funny but is a hate crime).   North Korean Cinema is so bad Mystery Science Theater 3000 couldn’t make it funny.  And I have seen the miracles they can perform.  Has anyone seen their version of Manos The Hands Of Fate?  That movie is so bad if you tried to watch that movie without the MST3K guys at the helm you would have sucked off a shotgun at the 15 minute mark just to make it stop.  It’s that bad, and North Korean cinema is still worse.

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