News Clips From Around The World Of Stupid

Yep it’s that time again, the time to make fun of some of the recent news stories.  I know you are all as excited as TSA agent when they see a small child so let’s get started.

Remember If You Don’t Support Cop Killers You Hate Children.

“Between negotiating for more benefits and teaching their students, the California Federation of Teachers has adopted a resolution of support for convicted cop-killer Mumia Abu-Jamal.”

I don’t need more of a reason to hate teachers unions than I already do (I went to public school).  But seriously this is what they are worried about?  A fucking cop killer?  The man was a racist and killed a cop over a traffic ticket and admitted to doing so.  Well until he realized he had a thousand useful idiots out there that would back him and did want to ride the lightning changed his tune.  I really don’t know how this guy hasn’t been executed yet other than bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit.  Anyway, of all the things the teachers union could be worried about they are worried about this?  50% of our children can’t read or compute at their grade level and we are yelling about a convicted cop killer?  For those of you who don’t remember how grades worked in school getting 50% on a test meant you failed.   No matter how stupid, ignorant or crazy the demands of the teachers unions are any time you disagree with them their only answer is to scream about how much you must hate children and then they waste their time on this crap?  How about this; if you want better pay and benefits show us the children are learning more and doing better in school and actually earn the higher paychecks.  Right now all you are doing is crying like babies and running off on idiotic crusades to help cop killers. Also California is broke, the country is broke how much money do you think there really is to spend?  I don’t hate teachers, although there are quite a few I did hate and I can honestly say most of the teachers I have had in my life dealing with the public schools were not very good with many being downright terrible, but I don’t hate them all.  I can say I had 4 good teachers sadly it doesn’t sound as good when you remember I had 4 good ones during 12 years of schooling and each year of schooling I had at least 6 teachers.  So for all the BS yelling about people hating children I look at it like this, if you support the teachers unions you are the ones who really hate children.

That and Mumia needs to get executed already.

Because Terrorists Have High Moral Standards

“Meet Nagla Al-Imam, an Egyptian lawyer who suggests a novel form of “resistance” for Palestinian “fighters” contra Israel: Sexually harass Israeli women.

Al-Iman assures us that this won’t lead to rape, because resistance fighters’ “morals” are much “loftier” than that. But even if it does, she says, Israeli women would have no “right” to be upset, for this would merely square them with the Palestinians whose land they rape. And “few things,” Al-Iman tells us “are as grave as the rape of land.”

You have to see it to believe it, folks.”

Yeah this would never lead to rape especially since the only countries I know about that punish rape victims for being raped are run by Moslems since Moslems never rape anyone ever.

Or murder kids…

I love the part where she is asked by the reporter if this is will get people to break sexual harassment laws and she just basically say we don’t have any so who cares.  She doesn’t even act like it’s a bad thing they don’t have any.  This lady literally says that while she knows these “freedom fighter” have such high morals that they would never rape a woman (because the Islamists in Iran never raped women in prison so they wouldn’t have to execute a virgin for example), but if they did who cares and the woman because she is Israeli has no right to be upset.  Yeah the woman deserved it for being Israeli. I really, really hate the Middle East.

Suicide Solution

“Disgraced politician John Edwards is said to be deeply depressed – to the point of being suicidal – over the prospect of a criminal trial that could end with him being jailed if found guilty.

The 57-year-old former Presidential candidate reportedly told a close friend: ‘I won’t go to jail. I’d kill myself first!’

Yeah, sounds like a great idea asshole.   You are such a piece of shit you cheated on your wife while she was dying of cancer and then you pull a bunch of illegal bullshit moves to try to hide it and what upsets you is the thought of going to jail and actually paying the consequences?  You still have children, your children just lost their mother and you and going to kill yourself and make them orphans instead of spending a year or two in jail?  I knew the guy was a piece of shit years ago but I didn’t know he was this bad (I’m not surprised though, I really wish I was, but I’m not).  OK this might all be bullshit I don’t know if it is true but if it is fucking hell.  The sad thing is the end of the article makes it sound like the person who wrote this is trying to make us feel bad for the guy.  No, no I do not, in fact I feel even less bad than I already did for him.  It doesn’t make me happy it just kinda makes me hate him, and I really don’t want to care about the fucker enough to hate him.

Apparently The U.N. Hasn’t Filled It’s Quotient Of Crazy This Month. 

“UNITED NATIONS — Bolivia will this month table a draft United Nations treaty giving “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans — having just passed a domestic law that does the same for bugs, trees and all other natural things in the South American country.

The bid aims to have the UN recognize the Earth as a living entity that humans have sought to “dominate and exploit” — to the point that the “well-being and existence of many beings” is now threatened.”

This reminds me of the term “Watermelon”.  It’s someone who is green on the outside and red on the inside.  Meaning it’s a communist using environmental issues to push communism.  Especially since Bolivia’s laws specifically said they need to “end capitalism”.  The funy thing about this is that we are talking about the U.N.  Most of the member states of the U.N. are dictatorships with no freedom or human rights so are they going to give the earth the same rights they give their own people? I can’t wait till someone tries to say we are raping Mother Earth and Iran puts on trial for adultery and tries to stone her to death or China tries to throw Mother earth in Jail and execute her for saying something they don’t like and selling her organs on the black market.  Maybe Saudi Arabia will try to execute Mother Earth for apostasy or Cuba might try to jail her for reactionary thought.  The Sudan will try to sell her into slavery and England will bring her up on hate crimes charges for that natural disaster that hiss anyone who isn’t white.  And we can all have a good time yelling at Mother Earth because she doesn’t distribute her natural resources evenly and bring her up on trial for that.  It’s as if the U.N. is the longest running Monty Python sketch only it’s dead serious and there is always a chance it will get you killed, raped or starved to death.

Another question I has is if a natural disaster happens in a poor country do we charge Mother Nature with a hate crime or class warfare?

Obama Has The Worst Collection Of Pokemon.

“HONOLULU — The Honolulu Police Department confirmed that a close friend of President Barack Obama was arrested Monday in connection with a prostitution sting case.

Police arrested Bobby Titcomb, 49, a Punahou School classmate of Obama, at 9:40 p.m. in downtown Honolulu at the corner of Pohukaina and South streets. He was released after posting $500 bail, police said.

Police arrested four men in connection with a reverse prostitution sting involving a fake online female escort website, sources said.

The offense is considered a misdemeanor. Titcomb’s initial court appearance is scheduled May 2.

Titcomb usually spends the holidays with the president and his family when they spend time in Hawaii. He has been seen playing golf and attending picnics with the president.

The first family attended a barbecue at Ticomb’s Waialua home in December.”

There was the Racist, the Terrorist, the Communist what else does he need to collect them all?

Target Is A 13 Year Old Male In Possession Of A Tuna Sandwich And Some Pudding, Should I Take The Shot Sir? 

“Chicago school bans some lunches brought from home

To encourage healthful eating, Chicago school doesn’t allow kids to bring lunches or certain snacks from home — and some parents, and many students, aren’t fans of the policy”

I don’t think it’s the responsibility of the schools to provide lunch for children it’s the parent’s job.  This is where we all pause for a moment so you can yell about how much I hate children.  OK now that we have that bullshit out of the way we can move on.  I remember the lunches when I was in school and healthy wasn’t the first word I would use to describe them but I’m sure Chicago runs their school lunch programs better than they ran Cabrini-Green.  I really don’t know if this is to take more control away from parents or just to line the pockets of the contractors that provide the school lunches (for a nice little donation during election time of course), but it doesn’t matter it’s wrong either way.  Yeah some parents won’t take care of their children but unless the state is going to put them in a group home there isn’t much you can do about that.  The thing is this is taking away the right of the parents that do take care of their children.  I remember the packed lunches I got when my parents still made them for me.  It was a sandwich (meat, cheese, lettuce, pickle and tomato) a small bag of chips/popcorn (oh noes!!!) and a piece of fruit (usually a banana, apple or orange).  Sounds like I got all the food groups covered there.  Then I switched to the school lunch program (because I was old enough to make my own lunch but was lazy so my parents just paid for the school lunch) and I ate pizza or nachos every day (because it was the only things they served that could be considered edible.    Hell the school lunches we so small I would get two of them every day.  Granted I never eat breakfast unless I work out in the morning so I always eat a large lunch but that doesn’t matter.  I’m not fat, I never was fat.  I wasn’t some health nut in school and only started to work out semi-regularly recently so that wasn’t why I wasn’t a fat ass as a kid.  It was because my parents threw me outside and told me to play, so I did and as I got older I did other things like play drums (if you practice for a while it’s a good workout).  If you are really worried about the kids make gym class more demanding that was the whole point if it to make kids get some exercise anyway so use it.  Forcing kids to eat the terrible school lunches is putting a Band-Aid on a severed limb.  You can tell yourself you are helping but you aren’t even pretending to get to the root of the problem.  Hell the whole point of school lunches in the first place was to make sure the kids whose parents weren’t taking care of them wouldn’t go hungry at lunch time because their parents were too poor or lazy to make the kid lunch and now we are using more and more tax dollars to feed kids whose parents have the money to feed their kids.  My tax dollars are going to feed the children of people that make more money than I do.  One of the kids I went to school with father was and still is a US Congressman.  Are you saying that kid needed the school to make him lunch or he would starve?  He did however leave the school after 2 years to transfer to a private school because our school sucked bad and he had pissed off one of the local gang members that went there.

More from the article:

Fernando Dominguez cut the figure of a young revolutionary leader during a recent lunch period at his elementary school.

“Who thinks the lunch is not good enough?” the seventh-grader shouted to his lunch mates in Spanish and English.

Dozens of hands flew in the air and fellow students shouted along: “We should bring our own lunch! We should bring our own lunch! We should bring our own lunch!”

Fernando waved his hand over the crowd and asked a visiting reporter: “Do you see the situation?”

I like this kid.

“At his public school, Little Village Academy on Chicago’s West Side, students are not allowed to pack lunches from home. Unless they have a medical excuse, they must eat the food served in the cafeteria.

Principal Elsa Carmona said her intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.”

Yes we must protect you from yourself, or your parents…

“Any school that bans homemade lunches also puts more money in the pockets of the district’s food provider, Chartwells-Thompson. The federal government pays the district for each free or reduced-price lunch taken, and the caterer receives a set fee from the district per lunch.”

And part of that money helps line people’s reelection campaigns.
“At Little Village, most students must take the meals served in the cafeteria or go hungry or both. During a recent visit to the school, dozens of students took the lunch but threw most of it in the garbage uneaten. Though CPS has improved the nutritional quality of its meals this year, it also has seen a drop-off in meal participation among students, many of whom say the food tastes bad.”

I know it’s a running joke that healthy food tastes bad but it’s not true.  Everyone loves beef stew and it’s not that hard to use low-fat beef and put a lot of vegetables in there, make it nice and healthy and serve it over rice or pasta.  Everyone loves stir-fry and it’s not that hard to make without using that much oil and it’s filled with healthy things.  You want a healthy burrito?  Throw in some black beans, lettuce, cheese, olives, onions, tomatoes and some rice and not only to you have a very good burrito but it tastes good and the kids would love it.  But you won’t do that because you think burritos aren’t healthy.   People act like the only thing you can eat is rice cakes and tofu burgers to eat healthy (at least 8% of rice cakes don’t taste like Styrofoam and ass, tofu on the other hand always tastes like shit).  It’s bullshit.  Hell you learn about the food pyramid in school and they can’t figure out how to use it to make healthy food that tastes good?

“For many CPS parents, the idea of forbidding home-packed lunches would be unthinkable. If their children do not qualify for free or reduced-price meals, such a policy would require them to pay $2.25 a day for food they don’t necessarily like.”

“We don’t spend anywhere close to that on my son’s daily intake of a sandwich (lovingly cut into the shape of a Star Wars ship), Goldfish crackers and milk,” education policy professor Diane Whitmore Schanzenbach wrote in an email. Her son attends Nettelhorst Elementary School in Lakeview. “Not only would mandatory school lunches worsen the dietary quality of most kids’ lunches at Nettelhorst, but it would also cost more out of pocket to most parents! There is no chance the parents would stand for that.”

Not only is this parent making her family is fed but she is taking the time to make it fun.  Think about how much better a child is going to do in school when they know that they have that lunch made with love for them every day.  It sounds a lot better than some grumpy lunch lady (it’s a stereotype I know but when I was in school it was 100% correct) dumping slop onto a tray.

I love the end of the article though.

“Many Little Village students claim that, given the opportunity, they would make sound choices.

“They’re afraid that we’ll all bring in greasy food instead of healthy food and it won’t be as good as what they give us at school,” said student Yesenia Gutierrez. “It’s really lame. If we could bring in our own lunches, everyone knows what they’d bring. For example, the vegetarians could bring in their own veggie food.”

“I would bring a sandwich or a Subway and maybe a juice,” said seventh-grader Ashley Valdez.

Second-grader Gerardo Ramos said, “I would bring a banana, orange and some grapes.”

“I would bring a juice and like a sandwich,” said fourth-grader Eric Sanchez.

“Sometimes I would bring the healthy stuff,” second-grader Julian Ruiz said, “but sometimes I would bring Lunchables.”

Is it always going to be that healthy?  No.  Who cares there is nothing wrong with a pizza, some fried chicken or a burger.  You just eat more than just that.  Sometimes you want a salad and sometimes you want hot-wings and there is nutritional value in both and there are things you get in one you can’t get in the other.  That’s why we have the food pyramid because you need it all, you just need it in the proper amounts.  Yesterday I have fried chicken, mash potatoes and green beans with bacon for lunch.  For dinner I had a very large salad.  I got everything I needed (other than the grains since I don’t think the breading is enough to qualify for the whole serving) but I live.  The other day I had a half a bag of potato chips and a giant bowl of broccoli for dinner.  Yeah my eating habits are weird but I get what I need.  See parents know what their children will eat.  They know the kid won’t eat brussel sprouts but they will eat green beans, carrots or corn.  I didn’t eat brussel sprouts or asparagus when I was a kid (I do now) but I loved broccoli and mixed vegetables as long as there wasn’t any types of squash or mushrooms in it (still won’t eat either).  And every kid will eat a fruit cup just as fast as they would eat Jell-o or pudding.  Parents know this and they know what their kid will eat and how to get them to eat healthy food yet for some reason the people running the school (many who have children) can’t figure this shit out.

I hate to admit when a dirty hippy is at least a little right but in this case I will.  Go to this link and it gives a nice suggestion on making a kid a healthy lunch they will eat  (you don’t need to use the organic/free-range/overpriced whatever they want you to though.  It’s about the bento boxes (they are not usually as fancy as the ones on the last link though) they have in Japan and a little bit on how to make them on your own.  The idea of a bento is that it’s a box with several compartments that you put different foods in and it is a common lunch thing in Japan.  I eat them quite often for lunch.  It’s usually a main dish, some rice, a vegetable, some pickles and some fruit but there are a lot of different varieties, I like the tonkatsu (it’s fried and breaded pork cutlet with this awesome sauce called tonkatsu sauce – the best being the Bulldog brand) or meat loaf ones.  There are ones made to be hot and ones made to be cold.  Either way, they are good and you can make them with different leftovers to save money.

After I wrote all this I say something that said the Principle in question backtracked and said she was taken out of context or that she didn’t mean to say what it sounded like she said.  It sounds more like when a bunch of people got angry she tried to back herself out of it.

Wendy’s Has New Fries And In Other News The Reporter May Have Been Paid To Plug A Different Food Joint In this Article. 

“When Wendy’s (NYSE: WENNews) created its Natural Cut Fries With Sea Salt, which it introduced last fall and is now promoting in new TV ads this week, the company’s product development team found a way to leave the potato skins on, make the fries crispier and give them a much tastier flavor. What they didn’t manage to do, however, is make the fries an actual all-natural product. That, says CMO Ken Calwell, would be too difficult given fast food customers’ demands for items that are cheap and can be hoisted through a car window.”

Last time I checked has a whole section on advertisements masquerading as news.  This is one of those things.  The thing about it is why the lady that wrote the article keeps mentioning Five Guys as if they are either the greatest thing on the planet or the standard to what all food should be held too.  That or she got paid a bunch of money by Five Guys to act like that.   Now for the record I have never eaten at Five Guys and honestly I’m apathetic towards them.   Wendy’s on the other hand I have eaten and do like their food.  I even worked at a Wendy’s years ago (yes I worked at one and will still eat their food).   To me they are one of the better fast food joints but their fries always were a problem.  The problem with their fries was that half the time they were a little undercooked for my tastes.  Now when they were cooked long enough that they were all crunchy they were some of the best fast food fries you could get but a lot of time you had the undercooked kinda soggy ones and they just kind of sucked that way (as do all fries). But oh how I love a triple and a large chili.   I haven’t been able to try the new fries because they don’t have Wendy’s in Japan anymore so I can’t say if the new ones are better or not.  My problem with this article is that the reporter sounded like she wrote this article more to plug Five Guys rather than talk about the new Wendy’s fries.  I really want to say that Wendy’s having new fries isn’t news but at least this is in the financial part of Yahoo News so we can at least say it has some merit to people that are either investing in Wendy’s or thinking about it, but when it all comes down to it aren’t we all going to get the same information from the next commercial break?

Right Now There Is A Cop Drunk Dialing Your Girlfriend And A Sniveling Little Bureaucrat Touching Himself For Thinking This Whole Thing Up.

“Michigan: Police Search Cell Phones During Traffic Stops
ACLU seeks information on Michigan program that allows cops to download information from smart phones belonging to stopped motorists.

The Michigan State Police have a high-tech mobile forensics device that can be used to extract information from cell phones belonging to motorists stopped for minor traffic violations. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Michigan last Wednesday demanded that state officials stop stonewalling freedom of information requests for information on the program.

ACLU learned that the police had acquired the cell phone scanning devices and in August 2008 filed an official request for records on the program, including logs of how the devices were used. The state police responded by saying they would provide the information only in return for a payment of $544,680. The ACLU found the charge outrageous.

“Law enforcement officers are known, on occasion, to encourage citizens to cooperate if they have nothing to hide,” ACLU staff attorney Mark P. Fancher wrote. “No less should be expected of law enforcement, and the Michigan State Police should be willing to assuage concerns that these powerful extraction devices are being used illegally by honoring our requests for cooperation and disclosure.”

A US Department of Justice test of the CelleBrite UFED used by Michigan police found the device could grab all of the photos and video off of an iPhone within one-and-a-half minutes. The device works with 3000 different phone models and can even defeat password protections.

“Complete extraction of existing, hidden, and deleted phone data, including call history, text messages, contacts, images, and geotags,” a CelleBrite brochure explains regarding the device’s capabilities. “The Physical Analyzer allows visualization of both existing and deleted locations on Google Earth. In addition, location information from GPS devices and image geotags can be mapped on Google Maps.”

The ACLU is concerned that these powerful capabilities are being quietly used to bypass Fourth Amendment protections against unreasonable searches.”

And every time I yell about the encroaching Orwellian state we are all trying to get to people call me paranoid.  I can’t wait till politicians and other state officials try to track down people that have their daughter’s phone numbers.  I can just see how that would go.

Police Officer:  So tell me Mr. Smythe why do you have a Kathy Johnson’s phone number in your phone?

Kyle Smythe:  Um, what is this about officer?

PO:  Just answer the question kid before you end up like you little friend Jimmy there!

KM:  Please officer, I didn’t do anything we have a group project due next week and needed to exchange numbers with the groups!

(Officer slaps child)

PO:  Don’t lie to me boy do you know who Miss Johnson is!?  Do you!?

(Child is crying)

KM:  Please officer, stop hitting me… We have social studies 5th period and Mrs. Nguyen has us doing a group project on Mesopotamia…

PO:  Well Senator Johnson seems to think otherwise?

KM:  What?

PO:  So am I to assume that you are just doing a “group project” with Miss. Johnson even though your parents voting record shows they voted for Senator Johnsons rival in the last election?

KM:  Sir, I’m 14, I don’t pay attention to that stuff.

(Officer slaps child)

PO:  Shut up and tell me why your parents donated 50 bucks to Senator Johnson’s rival in the last election and don’t lie to me boy!

KM:  Because apparently you and Senator Johnson are a bunch of fascist assholes and if I knew about this then I’d have told them to donate a lot more and spent less time playing X-Box and more time with the crazy militia guys that hang out in Baker’s Woods.

(Child passes out from blow to the head and scene fades to a picture of Kyle being led into a camp called Sunshine Farms Youth Reeducation Center).

So Does This Mean White People Can Get In On The Affirmative Action Policies Or Are They Still Not Allowed To Trick Or Treat At That House?

New census data confirm that some major metropolitan areas flipped from majority white to majority populations of minorities during the past decade.

White people are now in the minority in 46 of the nation’s 366 metro areas, including New York, Washington, San Diego, Las Vegas and Memphis, said William Frey, a demographer at the Brookings Institution.”

One thing I think is silly about this whole thing is they lump everyone that isn’t white into the same category of “Minority”, hell they even lump people that are white into the non-white (or minority) category like many Hispanics who are or 100% European decent but are somehow different than someone from Italy or Greece considering they are all of Mediterranean decent but the last two are jumped into the white (non-minority) category and the first into the minority category.      Anything to divide us I guess.

Honestly I could care less as long as they don’t vote for Progressives.

Out Of Fear That Nerds Might Try To Declare A Mulligan On History And Travel Back In Time To Support the Kuomintang China Bans Science Fiction Staple. 

“Hong Kong, China (CNN) – China has been cracking down on dissent of late, as the recent detainment of artist Ai Weiwei suggests.

But the latest guidance on television programming from the State Administration of Radio Film and Television in China borders on the surreal – or, rather, an attack against the surreal.

New guidelines issued on March 31 discourage plot lines that contain elements of “fantasy, time-travel, random compilations of mythical stories, bizarre plots, absurd techniques, even propagating feudal superstitions, fatalism and reincarnation, ambiguous moral lessons, and a lack of positive thinking.”

“The government says … TV dramas shouldn’t have characters that travel back in time and rewrite history. They say this goes against Chinese heritage,” reports CNN’s Eunice Yoon. “They also say that myth, superstitions and reincarnation are all questionable.”

The Chinese censors seem to be especially sensitive these days. But for the television and film industry, such strictures would seem to eliminate any Chinese version of “Star Trek,” “The X-Files,” “Quantum Leap” or “Dr. Who.”  And does that mean rebroadcast of huge Hollywood moneymakers like “Back to the Future” and the “Terminator” series are now forbidden?”

All I can think is that the Chinese government thought that if people think to hard about time travel they might get crazy ideas like what would happen if we all went back in time and stopped the communists from taking over and murdering tens of millions of us and oppressing the ones that managed to live.  Also since the last thing a communist is, is sane, they might be worried that some poor dissident might get so engrossed in the concept of time travel he ends up finding a way to do it and does the world a favor by beating to death Mao Zedong to death on his 18th birthday and does the entire world and the Chinese people a huge favor.  He’d be the best superhero ever.  Think about it he could call himself The Vigilante of Time and it could be a TV show.  It would be if Quantum Leap was about a Chinese guy jumping through time putting a bullet in the head of every shithead who ever needed it before they got a chance to be the bastard they would grow up to be.  I’d watch that show.  Hell I have no idea why that show hasn’t already been made.  If this show is ever made I don’t want any money for the idea just give me a mention in the credits and make sure you have episodes where they take out Che Guevara, Karl Marx and Hitler.  Also one where they stop they guy who invented Auto-Tune (he doesn’t have to die just stop the invention).

And Duke University Still Has Their Fingers In Their Ears While Yelling “La, La La, I Can’t Hear You”.

Durham, N.C. — Family members of a man who was stabbed in his home April 3 say he died Wednesday evening. Crystal Mangum, the Durham woman who falsely accused three Duke University lacrosse players of rape in 2006, has been charged with assaulting him.

“Durham police confirmed Thursday morning that Reginald Daye, 46, had died.

“The case remains under investigation, and we do anticipate upgrading the charges. However, no new charges have been filed at this time,” police spokeswoman Kammie Michael said in an e-mail to WRAL News.

Police said Mangum, 32, stabbed Daye in the torso with a kitchen knife during a dispute at 3507 Century Oaks Drive early on April 3…

In February 2010, police arrested Mangum after an altercation between her and a different boyfriend. In that incident, she was accused of assaulting the man in front of her children and setting some of his clothes on fire.

She was later convicted of child abuse, injury to personal property and resisting a public officer in the case, but prosecutors dismissed an arson charge after a jury couldn’t reach a verdict.”

You know if they had just locked her up for the first round of bullshit this might not have happened.  Granted I don’t know how long a jail sentence you get for false accusations are (and even though I’m on the internets right now I’m not looking it up) but it might have at least stopped for a bit the progression of her offenses.  I wonder if Mike Nifong is punching himself in the face right now.  If he isn’t he should be.

I hate it here.


All The News I Felt Like Talking About. And Making Fun Of.

Brothels, Gambling, Organized Crime, Who Cares About That, I think That Kid Over There Has On A Leather Jacket And Might Get A Tattoo!!!

“Japanese youth, hassled by haiku”

Woohoo poetic guilt trips!

Please do not discard

Your empty cans or fag ends

Or morality

Japan’s remorseless finger-wagging now comes in haiku form. This one appeared yesterday on a municipal billboard on a Tokyo street boasting two brothels, an illegal mah-jong parlour and a yakuza money laundry. But these are not the target of the poetic puritans — instead, as ever, it is young people and their ne’er-do-well ways.

Japan’s under-18s have a dismal lot. They are well behaved and hard working despite monstrous betrayal by their elders. Soon after they are out of nappies, the young are “offered” a deal: work hard, make yourself sick chasing a job you will hate and spend your life paying off the world’s biggest public debt as the most selfish generation in human history enjoys its dotage.

And the framers of this one-sided contract reserve the right to blame the young for every social ill out there. This invariably takes the form of a national moraru (moral) or mannaa (manners) drive.”

The sad thing about this is that my dad sent this to me so there is a very good chance he showed it to my mother.  I just can’t wait to hear this haiku next time I visit:

Why not married yet

I want more grandkids now

Don’t you love me, son?

Now I Know Why They Keep Their Woman In Full Garbage Bags

“RIYADH — Health authorities in Jeddah have shut down an “illegal” women’s fitness centre attached to a hospital, closing one of the few venues where Saudi women are able to exercise, local media said on Wednesday.

Although health officials have repeatedly blamed the high rates of heart disease and diabetes in the kingdom on poor diets and lack of exercise, health authorities said women’s fitness centres were not allowed…

While gyms for men in the gender-segregated conservative Islamic society are permitted, women’s health clubs are forbidden, despite a clear demand shown by a surge in underground facilities in the past two years.”

Yes it is illegal for woman to have gyms in Saudi Arabia.  They can’t even have gyms just for woman to keep them from the men they just can’t have them.  Does Saudi Arabia have any laws that are not batshit insane?  Really I know you use Islam for the basis for a lot of your crazy laws and I understand that Islam has a tendency towards the insane considering it was invented by a pedophile warlord but come the fuck on people.  I really don’t think there is anything in the Koran that says a woman can’t do a little cardio a couple times a week.  Even Scientology lets you go to the gym, why not you guys?

I Would Understand If It Was A Twilight Novel But A Cell-phone?

“A 13-year-old Saudi schoolgirl is to be given 90 lashes in front of her classmates after she was caught with a mobile camera phone.

The girl, who has not been named, was also sentenced to two months in jail by a court in the eastern city of Jubail.”

Oh, right it’s Saudi Arabia again.  It all makes sense now.  Has Saudi Arabia produced anything that wasn’t either oil or fucking insane?  I seriously think it’s were crazy was invented.

And The “No Shit” Award Goes To…

“World saw declines in freedom in 2009, think tank finds”

At least it wasn’t just us…

“Washington (CNN) — The unsolved murder of human rights activists in Russia. Their detention, torture and murder in Iran. Their jailing in China and Vietnam.

Attacks on journalists in the Philippines, Pakistan, Mexico and Somalia.

Coups in Africa and Central America.

All isolated incidents around the world that together made 2009 a grim milestone in world freedom, according to a United States think tank that tracks liberty around the globe.

Declines in freedom around the world outweighed gains last year, for the fourth year in a row, Freedom House says in its annual survey published Tuesday.

“This represents the longest continuous period of deterioration in the nearly 40-year history” of the report, writes this year’s author, Arch Puddington.

There were only 116 electoral democracies around the world in 2009, the group found — the lowest number since 1995…

Declines in freedom around the world outweighed gains last year, for the fourth year in a row, Freedom House says in its annual survey published Tuesday.”

I think they forgot Obama’s czars and the fact our Constitution barely means shit to our “leaders”, but at least we know we aren’t alone in this spiral into shit.

Is still working so I can report myself?

If You Kill Yourself You Can Make The Movie Stop

“James Cameron’s completely immersive spectacle “Avatar” may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.”

Oh, wait it’s not because the movie is nothing but 8 hours of mind numbing propaganda you want to get away from any way you can (including suicide), it’s because they actually believe the shit.

“Ever since I went to see ‘Avatar’ I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na’vi made me want to be one of them. I can’t stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it,” Mike posted. “I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in ‘Avatar.’ ”

Come the fuck on it’s a movie and a bad one at that!!!
“When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed … gray. It was like my whole life, everything I’ve done and worked for, lost its meaning,” Hill wrote on the forum. “It just seems so … meaningless. I still don’t really see any reason to keep … doing things at all. I live in a dying world.”

Really?  Please for the love of god you need to get help!  The movie barely has a plot except for what they stole from fern gully, Pocahontas and Dances With Wolves, then they turned it into a rape fantasy.   The only message in this movie is:

1.  We had pretty pictures (but are still behind almost every video game made in the last 5 years) and no original plot.

2.  Humans are evil.

3.  It’s wrong to rape the planet through mining but it is completely OK to rape every animal and plant on the planet as long as you say it’s spiritual or something.

Seriously, fuck this movie.

Crazy, I love Crazy

“Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said his country suffered after invasions during World War II and he will “stand to the end” to get full compensation, the Jerusalem Post reported.

Ahmadinejad said he’d write to U.N. secretary General Ban Ki-moon to ask for compensation for damages caused to Iran during the war, and for use of its territory and resources by allied powers, the Post reported.”

Did you do anything to help stop the Nazis?  Oh, wait you didn’t and in fact your government while technically neutral supported Germany in WWII?  Oh, sounds like I could give a fuck about your little claims for compensation.  Really, it was a World War, shit happens and you did nothing of any use.  I bet if I said the Shah needed compensation you wouldn’t like that now would you?  Really fuck your demands Alamadamadingdong?

It gets better though:

“Ahmadinejad reportedly also warned that Iran may demand similar compensation for the first World War.”

Yes Alamadamadingdong wants compensation for Iran for the first World War.  Um… Last time I checked Iran was part of the Ottoman Empire in WWI, so why don’t they try to get their compensation from them?  Oh wait it was only because of WWI that the Ottoman Empire fell allowing Iran a chance to become Iran.  And even with that you where still on the losing side, next time fight harder bitches!  Still what about the Shah?

I hate it here…

It’s Time To Stop Global Warming… Could Someone Please Get Me Another Coat?

So on the Global Warming front the world is showing record high temperatures this winter with the heat wave showing no signs of abating any time soon.  So these are some headlines from the top of the Drudge Report right now showing the catastrophe of this heat wave:

Winter Could Be Worst in 25 Years for USA…
Britain braced for heaviest snowfall in 50-years…
Elderly burn books for warmth?
Vermont sets ‘all-time record for one snowstorm’…
Iowa temps ‘a solid 30 degrees below normal’…
Seoul buried in heaviest snowfall in 70 years….
Midwest Sees Near-Record Lows, Snow By The Foot…
Miami shivers from coldest weather in decade…

Oh, wait…  Did I say global warming?  Maybe all the people in the 60’s and 70’s talking about the next ice age were right?  Oh, wait all those guys are talking about Global Warming now…

Or are really cold temperatures evidence of Global Warming, that makes sense right.  It’s really cold out -record breaking cold – so the Earth must be warming up and it’s all mankind’s fault, right?  It’s the CO2, that’s it, all that natural CO2 that makes it so warm out, never mind the fact that CO2 levels rise following periods of warming not before, but I need my grant money.  Also please pay no attention whatsoever to the fact that Mars (that as far as I know doesn’t have evil people polluting the hell out of it) was also warming at the same rate that they said the Earth was.  I think it had something to do with those Sun Cycles we are not supposed to mention in the polite company of the people trying to scam money out of us or we would get accused of denying the Holocaust.  I need my grants and my Carbon Credit money!

Wait, I’m sorry it’s not Global Warming it’s Climate Change now, that way when people realize they have been had on the “Earth is going to burn up and it’s all our fault thing” we can still blame everything on mankind, still get our grant money and it doesn’t look like quite as big of a lie.  In the spring when the temperatures start to rise again we can go right back to talking about Global Warming as if it wasn’t either a natural cycle in the Earths history (because the Earth never warmed or cooled before people invented the SUV).  Seriously how many Global Warming conferences have been snowed out in the last couple years?  Maybe we should bring them all up on Racketeering charges?

Seriously I hate it here, and it’s fucking cold out…

I Will Not Be Part Of Your Global Government

I will fight it with every last breath I have.  I will fight it, I will not stop and there are millions of people just like me and when the rest wake up we will have billions.

There’ll be nowhere to run from the new world government ‘Global’ thinking won’t necessarily solve the world’s problems. Janet Daley Telegraph UK

There is scope for debate – and innumerable newspaper quizzes – about who was the most influential public figure of the year, or which the most significant event. But there can be little doubt which word won the prize for most important adjective. 2009 was the year in which “global” swept the rest of the political lexicon into obscurity. There were “global crises” and “global challenges”, the only possible resolution to which lay in “global solutions” necessitating “global agreements”. Gordon Brown actually suggested something called a “global alliance” in response to climate change. (Would this be an alliance against the Axis of Extra-Terrestrials?)

Some of this was sheer hokum: when uttered by Gordon Brown, the word “global”, as in “global economic crisis”, meant: “It’s not my fault”. To the extent that the word had intelligible meaning, it also had political ramifications that were scarcely examined by those who bandied it about with such ponderous self-importance. The mere utterance of it was assumed to sweep away any consideration of what was once assumed to be the most basic principle of modern democracy: that elected national governments are responsible to their own people – that the right to govern derives from the consent of the electorate.

The dangerous idea that the democratic accountability of national governments should simply be dispensed with in favour of “global agreements” reached after closed negotiations between world leaders never, so far as I recall, entered into the arena of public discussion. Except in the United States, where it became a very contentious talking point, the US still holding firmly to the 18th-century idea that power should lie with the will of the people…

Read the Rest Here

An Article From The People’s Cube You Need To Read

Obama Regresses to Cold War Mythology, Switches Sides

1 – Why is this president always doing the opposite of what needs to be done?

Instead of supporting Iranian protesters, he snubs them. Instead of snubbing the ousted Honduran would-be dictator, he invites him to Washington. Instead of leading the world, he apologizes to it. Instead of offering a new vision, he resurrects hoary clichés. Instead of promoting liberty, he bows to kings and hugs tyrants.

Some think he acts like an enchanted prince; others think he’s a spoiled brat. But there’s a method to this madness; its logic should be obvious to anyone familiar with antiquated leftist clichés, which Barack Obama seems to have smuggled into the White House without as much as pausing to brush aside the decades-old creepy cobwebs.

A Russian saying suggests that “everything new is well-forgotten old” – which may also explain the voting pattern of recent public school graduates who think that nothing existed before they were born. However, as far back as 500 BC, Heraclitus cautioned that you cannot step into the same river twice, for fresh waters are ever flowing in upon you. To paraphrase, Obama shouldn’t apply old ideas to new circumstances, for the unintended consequences shall expose the absurdity of his leftist doctrine. Yet that is exactly where he is heading – and it could actually be the good news.
Back in 1991, when the USSR fell under the weight of its own lies like a house of marked cards, the U.S. remained the only superpower standing in a world twisted by decades of Cold-War-era deceptions, threats, bribes, subversion, and propaganda. It was a world filled with virulent anti-Americanism brought forth by distorted perceptions and fallacies planted by the erstwhile KGB spymasters around the globe.

But instead of finishing the job and decontaminating the planet of hostile myths, America relaxed and began to enjoy the relative peace of the Clinton years. The president turned a blind eye to the gathering clouds, treating the growing violence as freak accidents. In the meantime, the lab-grown virus of anti-Americanism multiplied and mutated, especially in the Middle East.

When trouble finally came to the American soil, the Bush administration identified its source as twisted ideologies that were spreading in the absence of political freedom and economic opportunities. This problem could not be solved with the archaic Cold War-era stability doctrine, whereby America bribed and supported any government that promised alliance. That approach may have saved the world in the past, but in the post-Cold War era it had become both immoral and impractical, fostering government corruption and causing unnecessary resentment.

The old mentality had to go. It was now America’s responsibility as a lone superpower, and victim of the attacks, to repair the world misshapen by the ideological warfare. This change in thinking became known as the Bush Doctrine. Predictably, America’s attempts to untwist the twisted world caused a painful and hostile reaction, especially from those who benefited from the existing deformity.

Obama has rejected that change; for that he was cheered on by a generation who grew up believing that deformity is beauty and ideological lunacy is the norm. But instead of moving forward, Mr. Obama puts America’s gears in reverse and regresses to a romanticized leftist image of the past in which the U.S.A. is typecast as the archetypal reactionary villain battling the forces of progress. Only in this remake of the cult Cold War classic, America finally sees the light, feels remorseful, and surrenders – to critical acclaim from anal-retentive leftists trained to feel guilty for every joyful moment of living in a capitalist society.

Reporting on President Obama’s response to the Honduran government’s deportation of the would-be dictator Manuel Zelaya, the Guardian writes:

The Obama administration, conscious of the U.S.’s long history of supporting coups against Latin American leftists condemned the overthrow. The secretary of state, Hillary Clinton, said Washington’s top priority was to restore full democratic and constitutional order in Honduras. Zelaya’s removal had “evolved into a coup,” she said.

Leave it to the left-leaning Guardian writers to recognize their own ideology when they see it. At least they are honest enough to attribute Obama’s position on Honduras to his outright acceptance of Cold War-era axioms and the presumption of America’s guilt. Apparently for this very reason, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton – who in her primary debates had promised never to give dictators a propagandistic platform by meeting with them – invited Zelaya to Washington and issued him a propagandistic platform.

But abandoning pro-American forces and propping up anti-American dictators can’t really be what the word “change” meant to most voters during the elections. What is happening now looks more like restoring Cold War front lines and defecting to the other side, presumably in the name of correcting historical injustice. It’s similar to the psychiatric method of regressing to an earlier stage of the patient’s life in order to relive old traumatic experience with a more positive outcome.

The problem with that is, the ideas of Cold War-related injustice and guilt are the products of false conscience planted by elaborate propaganda. The picture that Obama is trying to reverse is an airbrushed, made-in-the-USSR fabrication. Flipping the wrong picture upside down doesn’t make it right – it still is the wrong picture, only upside down.

Generated in the depths of KGB think tanks, the Cold War-era propaganda template is comprised of the following linked axioms:

1. Socialism is “progress.”
2. Aversion to “progress” is a sign of outmoded backward thinking.
3. All forward-thinking people are leftists.
4. Leftists always speak for all people.
5. People always unanimously support leftist leaders.
6. Leftists are always under assault from the well-organized capitalist enemy.
7. All workers and peasants hate capitalist exploiters.
8. Armed resistance to a leftist government can only conceivably be staged by CIA agents in the service of American imperialism.
9. Capitalists engage in relentless anti-socialist propaganda, subversion, and sabotage; they will commit any crime in order to kill hope and prevent the masses from liberation.
10. The dying non-socialist sector of the world is run by a criminal conspiracy of capitalist oligarchs operating from the United States (and sometimes from Israel when appropriate).

Evidently, if President Obama didn’t share these received views, he wouldn’t have felt the need to apologize before the world for America’s alleged wrongdoings – a gesture that could only reinforce such stereotypes. If his policies weren’t driven by these tenets, he wouldn’t be using the powers of the U.S. president to prop up the forces that oppose America’s founding principles of liberty while denying support to those who want to live by such principles

The reason many Americans haven’t realized it yet is that most media coverage is also born of the same old yellowed clichés.

And yet no media bias can obfuscate the fact, clearly demonstrated by events in Iran and Honduras, that even in the absence of U.S.-led conspiracies, anti-American tyrants are still not welcome, popular resistance still happens, and even when the U.S. president switches sides and pulls for the other team, people of the world still desire economic freedoms and individual rights – the only constant force that drives real progress.

The same people who chanted the mantra of “change” are having a hard time noticing the real change happening in the world today. Apparently, in their view, any change that contradicts the above template is either not happening, in which case it’s a fabrication of imperialist propaganda, or being forced on the world against its wishes, in which case the perpetrator can only be the criminal, capitalist cabal at the heart of American imperialism with its long and ruthless arm of the CIA. Any mention of oil or gas in this context becomes undeniable proof of this theory.

In this sense, Obama’s notion of “change” is not change at all, but rather a regression to a mythological past, which impedes the real change the world so desperately needs…

That was Part 1, you can read the rest here.

Conspiracy theories and the truth about who killed JFK.

Every one likes a good conspiracy theory but that’s because most people are incredibly stupid. If you don’t believe me that the world is filled with stupid people think of these six things: Rap music, Islam, Scientology, Marxism, Wicca and Nancy Pelosi being Speaker of the House. Now tell me the world isn’t filled with stupid. The rest of use like them because they are funny.

Conspiracy theories, There are a lot of good ones out there and no matter how crazy, stupid or obviously fake they are – such as The Protocols of the Elders of Zion or the people that claim the Earth is really flat and we faked the Moon Landing to “prove” it wasn’t – people want to believe them. Hell in much of the Middle East the Protocols of the Elders of Zion is now an addendum to the Qur’an. Like I said people are stupid. Just remember that 99% of all conspiracy theories are fake and that 75% of all statistics on the internets are made up on the spot. Another thing about these conspiracy theories is they all involve “The Jews” or “The Government” and are so complicated that William of Ockham is undoubtedly spinning in his grave fast enough to power Austria for a hundred years if the energy could be properly harnessed.

Sometimes however we do get into that 1% such as when the Venona Project was de-classified and proved that most of the insane theories about the actions of the Soviet Union in relation to espionage where found to be true. Interestingly enough even with the final decrypts of the Venona project some people still try to defend the Rosenbergs or Alger Hiss. Joseph McCarthy was considered the evil and insane conspiracy theorist when he spoke of the large amount of Soviet spies in sensitive positions of the government and was lambasted by much the public for it. He was however correct, there where and had been long before he showed up on the scene. However before I get angry calls from people over my defense of the evil McCarthy and how he and HUAC had poor actors and writers blacklisted in Hollywood remember that he had nothing to do with that. One McCarthy was in the Senate not the House, HUAC being a House sub-comity and not a Senate one. Two McCarthy was going after spies in the government such as in the Pentagons code room, why anyone thinks he gave a shit about some asshole actor in Hollywood is a moron and it is just the inane rantings of the idiots who actually think they matter.

Any hoo since I have begun to write like a paranoid with Attention Deficit Disorder I will try to get back on to the point of this rant. Conspiracy theories most people have them About the Kennedy assassination well I am here to give you the truth of what happened on November 22, 1963. I’m sure you have all heard a few interesting theories about what people think “Really” happened that day and I am here to tell you, you are wrong. Sure they might sound nice but lets go over a couple of them.

The Mob did it: No they didn’t. Yes JFK was in bed with the Mob to help himself get elected. It’s true we all know this. Hell you can’t get even one vote in Chicago without the Mobs help and yes Kennedy did overwhelmingly win Cook County, but really why does anyone think that the Mob would be stupid enough to bring that much bad attention to their activities. Their whole point is to stay as hidden as possible so they can keep their illicit business going. Anyway why would they kill the kid of one of their own. They all had money from when they had been bootlegging hooch so did the Kennedy’s. It would have been easier to just blackmail him then kill him and they could get more out of it. So give that one up.

The CIA: Not likely the CIA while not having a good relationship with Kennedy and supposedly Kennedy wanted to get rid of the CIA it wouldn’t have been the best move. Why wouldn’t they have killed him? Well they could have easily destroyed his reputation without killing him an thus saving their jobs without the fear of incarceration. Furthermore Lyndon Johnson is also brought into this argument. Yes Johnson and Kennedy didn’t have the best relationship and the idea that Johnson used the CIA to get rid of Kennedy to become president himself does sound nice but it’s a little silly. Johnson could have easily used the CIA to ruin Kennedy’s reputation so badly he would be forced to resign and thus giving Johnson the presidency. So murder would have been an unnecessary step if not the worst way to go about taking the presidency. So why don’t we just forget about this one too.

The Soviets did it: Not really after the failed Bay of Pigs invasion and the Cuban Missile Crisis it sounds like good old Cold War Conspiracy fun. However the truth is that Khrushchev thought that Kennedy was young, inexperienced and naive, hardly a threat worthy of causing an international incident. Plus Khrushchev had pissed off the high ranking party members in the politburo and the KGB and was about to get removed shortly anyway. So why would the KGB help him with something as silly as killing the leader of the other worlds superpower who currently had thousands of nukes pointed at their asses right before they removed him from power? I’ll give you a hint they wouldn’t.

Israel: Since “The Jews” are always part of these conspiracy theories you know it was going to come up. So Israel planned to kill an American president because of supposed sympathy with the Arabs and over a nuclear reactor. Um right, so Israel is going to kill the leader of one of the only countries in the world that supports their right to exist over vague ideas about how Kennedy might have felt about Arabs and the usual diplomatic problems associated with nuclear technology? Why does this sound like the rantings of a guy pissed off with Israel and trying to get back at them for arresting him for disclosing state secrets? Oh wait I know why because thats what is really going on. So shut up and go back to claiming “The Jews” eat Palestinian babies and use the Illuminati to control the world.

There was a second shooter on the grassy knoll: This might be true but Lee Harvey Oswald was still there to kill Kennedy but why?

So on to the payoff the real person behind the assassination of Kennedy. It was Joe DiMaggio. Why you ask would I accuse Joltin’ Joe of conspiring to kill JFK? Simply pure hatred for the man who was nailing his ex wife whom he was still very much in love with was trying to get back together with her. Who is this woman but the one and only Marilyn Monroe who may or may not have been off’d by the Kennedy’s on August 5, 1962 right before Joe was planning on asking her to remarry him. Think about it of all the crazy conspiracies out there over the death of JFK what makes the most sense. It’s one man angry over the treatment of the woman he loved killing another man that he believed was responsible for her dishonor and death. It’s not really hard to believe that DiMaggio angry and depressed over the death of his love – remember he sent roses to her grave several times a week for twenty years – would find some loose cannon with whom he could convince to murder a president for his hero the old The Yankee Clipper. Sounds crazy right? Not really if you think about it John Hinckley Jr. shot Reagan to impress Jodi Foster so it’s not like this kind of thing doesn’t happen. In fact Hinckley was originally planning on killing Jimmy Carter but after Reagan took office he switched targets.

DiMaggio and Monroe

DiMaggio and Monroe

DiMaggio was obsessed with Monroe and would do anything for her even kill and he had the least insane motive for the murder of JFK. So here is how it went down Setting aside the “Second Shooter” for a moment we will get on with how this happened. DiMaggio finds a mentally unstable guy and convinces him to kill Kennedy for him and boom Oswald in in the book depository on the morning of November 22 a little over a year after Monroe’s death. It’s all so simple right? Well not really we have a couple other loose ends we need tie up here. Was there a second shooter and why did Jack Ruby kill Oswald? Well lets take them together. If there was a second shooter this person might not have been to happy about Oswald getting caught by the police and wanted to get rid of him before he spilled the beans about DiMaggio’s involvement if not his own in the murder of the President. Oswald had to go. So we have Jack Ruby enter into this to take him out. There are different theories here if Jack Ruby was the second shooter he might think it is easier to use the some “I did it for JFK’s widow” excuse to get leniency in the murder of Oswald while hiding anything that would trace him to Kennedy’s murder since Oswald had less to loose by talking then say DiMaggio. Therefore the Second shooter is either DiMaggio with Ruby used as a pawn to get rid of Oswald before he talked or Ruby who wanted to get rid of Oswald before he implicated Ruby in the assassination. The Second one seems more likely since DiMaggio probably wanted to stay out of Dallas on the day he was getting people to murder his enemy and would have been too easy to recognize in a place swarming with the press and the police and FBI. It would have been better to have Ruby as the second shooter and not himself. Plus Ruby would have had less incentive to kill Oswald if he didn’t have some connection to the original assassination however he might have been another useful idiot willing to take a hit for his hero. Now if there was no second shooter it went down very much the same but then you have Oswald kills Kennedy for DiMaggio and Ruby kills Oswald to protect DiMaggio. It’s that simple.

Whether or not the Kennedy’s Killed Monroe is of no matter and I am not here to debate that theory. As long as DiMaggio was enraged over his love’s death and even suspected involvement of the Kennedy’s he had the motive for revenge. Plus even without him thinking that Monroe was murdered he still had motive. DiMaggio was obsessed with Monroe angry over her deteriorating mental state, her drug abuse and eventual death and angry with himself because he couldn’t save her. It is very easy for a man this distraught to find something to blame her death on. JFK turns into the best scapegoat for his anger and rage. The idea that this man the most prominent figure in the country was using the love of DiMaggio’s life as a toy for him, his brother and friends would be too much to take. The rage needs an outlet. Kennedy was that outlet, his death catharsis. Monroe’s honor restored by this one act. It’s simple psychology.

Now if we decide who had the best motive to kill Kennedy you only have two answers DiMaggio or of course Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis*. So lets go over why she is the only other aside from DiMaggio that has the best motive. Jackie O’ s motive is anger for Kennedy’s constant cheating on her simple as that. A woman’s scorn. Take out DiMaggio and Put in Jackie O’ in his place and you have it. Remember Ruby claimed to have killed Oswald to protect her. He Shot Oswald who in this scenario was obsessed with Onassis to keep him for spilling the beans on the Princess of Camelot. I doubt this scenario though because Onassis knew what she was getting into when she married Kennedy and while she might grow to resent him I don’t think it ever spilled over into hatred enough to murder her philandering husband. Plus on top of that it’s hard to believe that she would want to be sitting next to him while it happened, even if that is the perfect alibi it’s not likely that she would take that big a risk, or that if her conspirators are doing it out of obsession over her they would be able to pull the trigger when the potential to harm her as well was so high. Remember Hinckley shot Reagan not Foster.

In conclusion that leaves only DiMaggio as the most likely suspect. Now I know people are just going to say that this is another baseless conspiracy theory but it’s not. I have simply shown that it is the most likely theory in this case unless Oswald was really just some lunatic acting alone.

* I use Onassis here because although it wasn’t her last name until 1968 it is easier to use it when only referring to people by their last names.
** I use Wikipedia here as a quick reference so you have a starting point to do your own research not because they have all the correct information.

eHarmony Told Me I Would Die Alone.

Nihon Hikikomori Kyokai

Nihon Hikikomori Kyokai

So I decided to do an experiment to see what eHarmony would give me after I did the whole survey to see the “key dimensions of personality that predicted compatibility and the potential for long-term relationship success.” and other nonsense. Well guess what my results where from these people?

“Sorry unable to match you”

and the fun little explanation:

“eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

So complex you couldn’t find shit? maybe make it a little bit simpler so I got a chance? Like “Well these Freaks might be close enough so have fun”.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Read as “You are such a loser science can’t even help you”.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.”

Yes apparently even though I put in parameters so that it would take people from at least 60 countries covering well over 2 billion woman on the planet I am not compatible with a single one of them, and my mom still keeps asking me when I’m going to get married. I’m just happy that they were at least nice enough not to just come right out and tell me I was going to die alone, but they really didn’t need to I guess, I got the point. I wonder if I try again and lie my ass off will I get a better result?

They also give you a free personality profile that was interestingly enough fairly accurate, and I think made me look better then I might really be. It did say quite a few nice things, people don’t usually say nice things about me, so I guess that’s a plus…

1 person out of 2 billion women? Not one, ONE FUCKING PERSON? eHarmony is a bunch of rat bastards. I bet they are going to just flood my inbox with spam from porn sites and call girls since they might guess that might be my only hope at this point according to them.

Fuck you internets, fuck you!

UPDATE: So I redid the survey and lied my happy ass off then set the parameters to cover the entire world this time to see what I would get.

Guess what I got?

Nothing, still nothing.  I can’t even lie to people on the Internets properly, and that’s what the internets is for!    Well I am going to go drink a beer and beat to death some of those annoying emo kids to make myself feel better.

No I didn’t do that, I just think this is funny.