How Many Stray Dogs Does It Take to Get Two Drunks Arrested On Vacation: This Episode Brought To You By Orion Beer And A Lack Of Shame.

Why we all love Okinawa

I occasionally like to travel.  Most of the time it’s just an excuse to get drunk in new places with new people.  I like new people because new people are people that haven’t yet pissed me off and the great thing about being on vacation is that it’s temporary so the new people don’t usually have time to piss you off.  But this isn’t about my dislike of the human race but of my decent into the land of Orion beer and this wonderful concoction only a lunatic that knows how to cook could think up called taco rice (I’ll even be nice and give you my recipe for this confusing pile of awesome at the end).  This is about Okinawa, a tropical paradise of white sands, warm skies and fucking stray dogs on every other corner.  I think it’s the law that there must be at least one stray dog for every 6 kilometers of highway.  Anyway this isn’t a story about them it’s the story of one dog that wasn’t a stray but had strayed into the path of an oncoming car and a police station filled with wonder and probably a debate on whether or not I should be arrested.   So I went to Okinawa and it’s a nice place.  One of the funny things about Japan is that you can drink in the car as long as you aren’t the person driving (the DUI laws are so strict here 1 beer puts you over the limit) so my friend and I had taken turns on the driving day by day while the other dumped beer in a travel mug and took in the sights (we is classy).  Well the one day she was driving  (sober, one was always sober so they could drive) while I navigated and sucked down Orion in said travel mug and when rounding a corner we almost plowed into a dog.  My friend being the kind and loving person towards dogs to the point where I was seriously going to stab her in the neck if she mentioned how much she missed her little pooch back home one more bloody time swerved and pulled over on the side of the road and yelled at me to grab the little mutt.  I being in the state of mind of a person that not only does not have the urge to start a fight with nutcase when I’m too drunk to properly defend myself did what anyone would do and grabbed the mutt.  The dog had a lease so we figured it just ran away and its owner was looking for it so I walked the dog to the nearest 7-11 while she parked the car.  We tried to explain to the nice people at the 7-11 about the dog we found and if they could help but they just looked at us funny so we asked for the local police station and decided to head off there.  We tried to walk around the block first just in case the owner was around but that didn’t work so it was off to the police station.  The dog was a tweaker and after getting it into the car and trying to convince it not to jump out of the window or lick me one more time we finally made it to the local police station.  Now mind you I had been drinking all day and it was night by this point so I was feeling good if not looking a bit silly trying to drink a beer while holding the tweaker dog I named Wilson.  Well we get to the police and me being at least a little smart left the booze in the car but brought the dog and we went into the station.  Now neither one of us speaks Japanese well – hers being much better than mine – so I mostly smiled and played with the dog while she tried to explain to the cops what was going on.  The cops were not amused.  They were annoyed, maybe even angry with us.  Well after quite a few rounds of trying to explain ourselves they finally called another station and had someone that spoke English talk to us.  We explained the situation to them.  We found a dog, this is where we found said dog, dog has a lease but not tags please help find dog’s owner.  Mind you all pets in Japan (the ones not kept in a tank other than snakes) are supposed to have a tracking chip implanted in them incase this shit happens so we figured this was all good.  We were wrong.  We were oh so wrong.  At this point we had been at the station for a half hour Wilson was getting even more tweaker than he already was and the cops were even more pissed.  This is the point I think the wanted to arrest us.  I don’t know on what charge but I’m sure they could have thought of something.  The police in Japan are usually cool.  I walked into a police station one time with a beer in my hand to ask for directions to a concert hall and one of the officers actually walked my friend and I the couple blocks down to the place.  This time things weren’t going so well.  Well to say the least they decided they needed our ID’s and I was getting concerned being drunk and all but lucky for us they asked for my friends first since she was doing all the talking and lucky for us she had a diplomatic passport.  At this point they sort of gave up and didn’t bother to check me (I don’t have one of those get out of jail free cards) and just told us to leave the dog and to get the fuck out.  They did give us a warning that the next time we see a dog just to fucking leave it where it was.  I would have liked to say something witty like “What under the tires of our rental?” but knew better since I was drunk not suicidal.  We left, I dumped another beer in my travel mug and spent the hour it took us to get home to our hotel making jokes about the cops driving the dog back to the 7-11 we found him at and dumping him off there while my friend yelled about the cops and her dog at home.

Now earlier I had made a joke about stray dogs all over the place.  Well the strays aren’t in the most populated parts they’re out away from them and we hadn’t done a decent Island tour yet at that point.  Well the next day we did.  This time it was my turn to drive while she dumped Orion into a travel mug and it was off to see the Island.  Well rounding a bend at one point I almost hit a dog, this one didn’t have collar and there were the joke about don’t stop to help it or we will get arrested and then there was another and another then two, and then one.  Seriously once we were outside the most populated parts of the island there were stray dogs everywhere.  I saw a couple stealing a truck while one little puppy outside a gas station tried to sell me weed.  The only thing Okinawa has more of is U.S. military bases.  I never really understood why they were that pissed until I went there.  I don’t have a problem with the U.S. having bases in Okinawa but fucking hell the island isn’t that big how fucking many do you need?  They’re not even small.  They could dump all the shit on two of those bases and leave the rest of the island to the Okinawans and it wouldn’t cramp the military up for shit.  No wonder they are pissed, they are all surrounded by wild dogs and military bases.  Okinawa is a nice place though and lord was it fun but just remember leave the dogs alone.

I promised I would give you a recipe for taco rice so here is mine.

Ingredients:

1 lb. ground beef (or stray dog*)

1 onion – chopped

½ – 1 clove of garlic – chopped

Shredded lettuce

Cheese – I use the bags of mixed cheese for tacos you get at the store

8 once can of black olives

Short grain rice

1 packet of taco seasoning (since I’m lazy and it helps)

1 jar of salsa

1 jar of taco sauce

Rice wine vinegar

Now cook the ground beef using the directions on the tacos seasoning package adding in the onion and garlic along with some pepper, chili powder, paprika, oregano, basil, cilantro, beer, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco (or whatever hot sauce you like) and teriyaki sauce to taste.  I have no real measurements for the seasonings since I just always chuck them in till I think it’s good.  Cook until cooked.

For the rice get out you rice cooker (If you don’t have one shame on you you’re missing out) and cook the rice but add some chili powder and a little rice wine vinegar to the mix.

Once the meat and rice are done it’s time for the awesome.

Put some rice in a large bowl.  Hopefully you have a large soup bowl or ramen bowl but if you don’t go buy some.

On top of the rice add some taco sauce, salsa cheese, olives and lettuce.  On top of that add the meat and on top of the meat add some more cheese and taco sauce.

Eat.  Some people like to stir it up a bit before they eat and some don’t.  I like mine with a lot of sauce and stirred the shit up.

I use more sauce, salsa and lettuce on mine than you find in most places if you eat it in a restaurant and most restaurants don’t use taco sauce just the salsa and you don’t get olives either.  Some places cook the rice with some tomato sauce and chili powder and some cook the rice traditionally.  Do what you want it’s good either way I just like how I make it.

Another tip for people making this the first time remember while it was created in Okinawa and very popular there just because it can be considered a Japanese dish you eat it with a spoon so don’t use chip sticks or you will look silly.  Yes japan has spoons you fucking racist!

Next week I’ll teach you how to make a lasagna sandwich!  I’m joking I’ll do it now.   Take two pieces of bread and make garlic bread shove a slice of lasagna in between and eat it.  It’s like an upgrade from the spaghetti sandwich (shove spaghetti in a sausage meat sauce in between two slices of garlic bread).  Trust me that while it will never sound less crazy it will always be good.

*Not recommended or as far as I know ever used in the dish.

Advertisements

News Clips From Around The World Of Stupid

Yep it’s that time again, the time to make fun of some of the recent news stories.  I know you are all as excited as TSA agent when they see a small child so let’s get started.

Remember If You Don’t Support Cop Killers You Hate Children.

“Between negotiating for more benefits and teaching their students, the California Federation of Teachers has adopted a resolution of support for convicted cop-killer Mumia Abu-Jamal.”

I don’t need more of a reason to hate teachers unions than I already do (I went to public school).  But seriously this is what they are worried about?  A fucking cop killer?  The man was a racist and killed a cop over a traffic ticket and admitted to doing so.  Well until he realized he had a thousand useful idiots out there that would back him and did want to ride the lightning changed his tune.  I really don’t know how this guy hasn’t been executed yet other than bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit.  Anyway, of all the things the teachers union could be worried about they are worried about this?  50% of our children can’t read or compute at their grade level and we are yelling about a convicted cop killer?  For those of you who don’t remember how grades worked in school getting 50% on a test meant you failed.   No matter how stupid, ignorant or crazy the demands of the teachers unions are any time you disagree with them their only answer is to scream about how much you must hate children and then they waste their time on this crap?  How about this; if you want better pay and benefits show us the children are learning more and doing better in school and actually earn the higher paychecks.  Right now all you are doing is crying like babies and running off on idiotic crusades to help cop killers. Also California is broke, the country is broke how much money do you think there really is to spend?  I don’t hate teachers, although there are quite a few I did hate and I can honestly say most of the teachers I have had in my life dealing with the public schools were not very good with many being downright terrible, but I don’t hate them all.  I can say I had 4 good teachers sadly it doesn’t sound as good when you remember I had 4 good ones during 12 years of schooling and each year of schooling I had at least 6 teachers.  So for all the BS yelling about people hating children I look at it like this, if you support the teachers unions you are the ones who really hate children.

That and Mumia needs to get executed already.

Because Terrorists Have High Moral Standards

“Meet Nagla Al-Imam, an Egyptian lawyer who suggests a novel form of “resistance” for Palestinian “fighters” contra Israel: Sexually harass Israeli women.

Al-Iman assures us that this won’t lead to rape, because resistance fighters’ “morals” are much “loftier” than that. But even if it does, she says, Israeli women would have no “right” to be upset, for this would merely square them with the Palestinians whose land they rape. And “few things,” Al-Iman tells us “are as grave as the rape of land.”

You have to see it to believe it, folks.”

Yeah this would never lead to rape especially since the only countries I know about that punish rape victims for being raped are run by Moslems since Moslems never rape anyone ever.

Or murder kids…

I love the part where she is asked by the reporter if this is will get people to break sexual harassment laws and she just basically say we don’t have any so who cares.  She doesn’t even act like it’s a bad thing they don’t have any.  This lady literally says that while she knows these “freedom fighter” have such high morals that they would never rape a woman (because the Islamists in Iran never raped women in prison so they wouldn’t have to execute a virgin for example), but if they did who cares and the woman because she is Israeli has no right to be upset.  Yeah the woman deserved it for being Israeli. I really, really hate the Middle East.

Suicide Solution

“Disgraced politician John Edwards is said to be deeply depressed – to the point of being suicidal – over the prospect of a criminal trial that could end with him being jailed if found guilty.

The 57-year-old former Presidential candidate reportedly told a close friend: ‘I won’t go to jail. I’d kill myself first!’

Yeah, sounds like a great idea asshole.   You are such a piece of shit you cheated on your wife while she was dying of cancer and then you pull a bunch of illegal bullshit moves to try to hide it and what upsets you is the thought of going to jail and actually paying the consequences?  You still have children, your children just lost their mother and you and going to kill yourself and make them orphans instead of spending a year or two in jail?  I knew the guy was a piece of shit years ago but I didn’t know he was this bad (I’m not surprised though, I really wish I was, but I’m not).  OK this might all be bullshit I don’t know if it is true but if it is fucking hell.  The sad thing is the end of the article makes it sound like the person who wrote this is trying to make us feel bad for the guy.  No, no I do not, in fact I feel even less bad than I already did for him.  It doesn’t make me happy it just kinda makes me hate him, and I really don’t want to care about the fucker enough to hate him.

Apparently The U.N. Hasn’t Filled It’s Quotient Of Crazy This Month. 

“UNITED NATIONS — Bolivia will this month table a draft United Nations treaty giving “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans — having just passed a domestic law that does the same for bugs, trees and all other natural things in the South American country.

The bid aims to have the UN recognize the Earth as a living entity that humans have sought to “dominate and exploit” — to the point that the “well-being and existence of many beings” is now threatened.”

This reminds me of the term “Watermelon”.  It’s someone who is green on the outside and red on the inside.  Meaning it’s a communist using environmental issues to push communism.  Especially since Bolivia’s laws specifically said they need to “end capitalism”.  The funy thing about this is that we are talking about the U.N.  Most of the member states of the U.N. are dictatorships with no freedom or human rights so are they going to give the earth the same rights they give their own people? I can’t wait till someone tries to say we are raping Mother Earth and Iran puts on trial for adultery and tries to stone her to death or China tries to throw Mother earth in Jail and execute her for saying something they don’t like and selling her organs on the black market.  Maybe Saudi Arabia will try to execute Mother Earth for apostasy or Cuba might try to jail her for reactionary thought.  The Sudan will try to sell her into slavery and England will bring her up on hate crimes charges for that natural disaster that hiss anyone who isn’t white.  And we can all have a good time yelling at Mother Earth because she doesn’t distribute her natural resources evenly and bring her up on trial for that.  It’s as if the U.N. is the longest running Monty Python sketch only it’s dead serious and there is always a chance it will get you killed, raped or starved to death.

Another question I has is if a natural disaster happens in a poor country do we charge Mother Nature with a hate crime or class warfare?

Obama Has The Worst Collection Of Pokemon.

“HONOLULU — The Honolulu Police Department confirmed that a close friend of President Barack Obama was arrested Monday in connection with a prostitution sting case.

Police arrested Bobby Titcomb, 49, a Punahou School classmate of Obama, at 9:40 p.m. in downtown Honolulu at the corner of Pohukaina and South streets. He was released after posting $500 bail, police said.

Police arrested four men in connection with a reverse prostitution sting involving a fake online female escort website, sources said.

The offense is considered a misdemeanor. Titcomb’s initial court appearance is scheduled May 2.

Titcomb usually spends the holidays with the president and his family when they spend time in Hawaii. He has been seen playing golf and attending picnics with the president.

The first family attended a barbecue at Ticomb’s Waialua home in December.”

There was the Racist, the Terrorist, the Communist what else does he need to collect them all?

Target Is A 13 Year Old Male In Possession Of A Tuna Sandwich And Some Pudding, Should I Take The Shot Sir? 

“Chicago school bans some lunches brought from home

To encourage healthful eating, Chicago school doesn’t allow kids to bring lunches or certain snacks from home — and some parents, and many students, aren’t fans of the policy”

I don’t think it’s the responsibility of the schools to provide lunch for children it’s the parent’s job.  This is where we all pause for a moment so you can yell about how much I hate children.  OK now that we have that bullshit out of the way we can move on.  I remember the lunches when I was in school and healthy wasn’t the first word I would use to describe them but I’m sure Chicago runs their school lunch programs better than they ran Cabrini-Green.  I really don’t know if this is to take more control away from parents or just to line the pockets of the contractors that provide the school lunches (for a nice little donation during election time of course), but it doesn’t matter it’s wrong either way.  Yeah some parents won’t take care of their children but unless the state is going to put them in a group home there isn’t much you can do about that.  The thing is this is taking away the right of the parents that do take care of their children.  I remember the packed lunches I got when my parents still made them for me.  It was a sandwich (meat, cheese, lettuce, pickle and tomato) a small bag of chips/popcorn (oh noes!!!) and a piece of fruit (usually a banana, apple or orange).  Sounds like I got all the food groups covered there.  Then I switched to the school lunch program (because I was old enough to make my own lunch but was lazy so my parents just paid for the school lunch) and I ate pizza or nachos every day (because it was the only things they served that could be considered edible.    Hell the school lunches we so small I would get two of them every day.  Granted I never eat breakfast unless I work out in the morning so I always eat a large lunch but that doesn’t matter.  I’m not fat, I never was fat.  I wasn’t some health nut in school and only started to work out semi-regularly recently so that wasn’t why I wasn’t a fat ass as a kid.  It was because my parents threw me outside and told me to play, so I did and as I got older I did other things like play drums (if you practice for a while it’s a good workout).  If you are really worried about the kids make gym class more demanding that was the whole point if it to make kids get some exercise anyway so use it.  Forcing kids to eat the terrible school lunches is putting a Band-Aid on a severed limb.  You can tell yourself you are helping but you aren’t even pretending to get to the root of the problem.  Hell the whole point of school lunches in the first place was to make sure the kids whose parents weren’t taking care of them wouldn’t go hungry at lunch time because their parents were too poor or lazy to make the kid lunch and now we are using more and more tax dollars to feed kids whose parents have the money to feed their kids.  My tax dollars are going to feed the children of people that make more money than I do.  One of the kids I went to school with father was and still is a US Congressman.  Are you saying that kid needed the school to make him lunch or he would starve?  He did however leave the school after 2 years to transfer to a private school because our school sucked bad and he had pissed off one of the local gang members that went there.

More from the article:

Fernando Dominguez cut the figure of a young revolutionary leader during a recent lunch period at his elementary school.

“Who thinks the lunch is not good enough?” the seventh-grader shouted to his lunch mates in Spanish and English.

Dozens of hands flew in the air and fellow students shouted along: “We should bring our own lunch! We should bring our own lunch! We should bring our own lunch!”

Fernando waved his hand over the crowd and asked a visiting reporter: “Do you see the situation?”

I like this kid.

“At his public school, Little Village Academy on Chicago’s West Side, students are not allowed to pack lunches from home. Unless they have a medical excuse, they must eat the food served in the cafeteria.

Principal Elsa Carmona said her intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.”

Yes we must protect you from yourself, or your parents…

“Any school that bans homemade lunches also puts more money in the pockets of the district’s food provider, Chartwells-Thompson. The federal government pays the district for each free or reduced-price lunch taken, and the caterer receives a set fee from the district per lunch.”

And part of that money helps line people’s reelection campaigns.
“At Little Village, most students must take the meals served in the cafeteria or go hungry or both. During a recent visit to the school, dozens of students took the lunch but threw most of it in the garbage uneaten. Though CPS has improved the nutritional quality of its meals this year, it also has seen a drop-off in meal participation among students, many of whom say the food tastes bad.”

I know it’s a running joke that healthy food tastes bad but it’s not true.  Everyone loves beef stew and it’s not that hard to use low-fat beef and put a lot of vegetables in there, make it nice and healthy and serve it over rice or pasta.  Everyone loves stir-fry and it’s not that hard to make without using that much oil and it’s filled with healthy things.  You want a healthy burrito?  Throw in some black beans, lettuce, cheese, olives, onions, tomatoes and some rice and not only to you have a very good burrito but it tastes good and the kids would love it.  But you won’t do that because you think burritos aren’t healthy.   People act like the only thing you can eat is rice cakes and tofu burgers to eat healthy (at least 8% of rice cakes don’t taste like Styrofoam and ass, tofu on the other hand always tastes like shit).  It’s bullshit.  Hell you learn about the food pyramid in school and they can’t figure out how to use it to make healthy food that tastes good?

“For many CPS parents, the idea of forbidding home-packed lunches would be unthinkable. If their children do not qualify for free or reduced-price meals, such a policy would require them to pay $2.25 a day for food they don’t necessarily like.”

“We don’t spend anywhere close to that on my son’s daily intake of a sandwich (lovingly cut into the shape of a Star Wars ship), Goldfish crackers and milk,” education policy professor Diane Whitmore Schanzenbach wrote in an email. Her son attends Nettelhorst Elementary School in Lakeview. “Not only would mandatory school lunches worsen the dietary quality of most kids’ lunches at Nettelhorst, but it would also cost more out of pocket to most parents! There is no chance the parents would stand for that.”

Not only is this parent making her family is fed but she is taking the time to make it fun.  Think about how much better a child is going to do in school when they know that they have that lunch made with love for them every day.  It sounds a lot better than some grumpy lunch lady (it’s a stereotype I know but when I was in school it was 100% correct) dumping slop onto a tray.

I love the end of the article though.

“Many Little Village students claim that, given the opportunity, they would make sound choices.

“They’re afraid that we’ll all bring in greasy food instead of healthy food and it won’t be as good as what they give us at school,” said student Yesenia Gutierrez. “It’s really lame. If we could bring in our own lunches, everyone knows what they’d bring. For example, the vegetarians could bring in their own veggie food.”

“I would bring a sandwich or a Subway and maybe a juice,” said seventh-grader Ashley Valdez.

Second-grader Gerardo Ramos said, “I would bring a banana, orange and some grapes.”

“I would bring a juice and like a sandwich,” said fourth-grader Eric Sanchez.

“Sometimes I would bring the healthy stuff,” second-grader Julian Ruiz said, “but sometimes I would bring Lunchables.”

Is it always going to be that healthy?  No.  Who cares there is nothing wrong with a pizza, some fried chicken or a burger.  You just eat more than just that.  Sometimes you want a salad and sometimes you want hot-wings and there is nutritional value in both and there are things you get in one you can’t get in the other.  That’s why we have the food pyramid because you need it all, you just need it in the proper amounts.  Yesterday I have fried chicken, mash potatoes and green beans with bacon for lunch.  For dinner I had a very large salad.  I got everything I needed (other than the grains since I don’t think the breading is enough to qualify for the whole serving) but I live.  The other day I had a half a bag of potato chips and a giant bowl of broccoli for dinner.  Yeah my eating habits are weird but I get what I need.  See parents know what their children will eat.  They know the kid won’t eat brussel sprouts but they will eat green beans, carrots or corn.  I didn’t eat brussel sprouts or asparagus when I was a kid (I do now) but I loved broccoli and mixed vegetables as long as there wasn’t any types of squash or mushrooms in it (still won’t eat either).  And every kid will eat a fruit cup just as fast as they would eat Jell-o or pudding.  Parents know this and they know what their kid will eat and how to get them to eat healthy food yet for some reason the people running the school (many who have children) can’t figure this shit out.

I hate to admit when a dirty hippy is at least a little right but in this case I will.  Go to this link and it gives a nice suggestion on making a kid a healthy lunch they will eat  (you don’t need to use the organic/free-range/overpriced whatever they want you to though.  It’s about the bento boxes (they are not usually as fancy as the ones on the last link though) they have in Japan and a little bit on how to make them on your own.  The idea of a bento is that it’s a box with several compartments that you put different foods in and it is a common lunch thing in Japan.  I eat them quite often for lunch.  It’s usually a main dish, some rice, a vegetable, some pickles and some fruit but there are a lot of different varieties, I like the tonkatsu (it’s fried and breaded pork cutlet with this awesome sauce called tonkatsu sauce – the best being the Bulldog brand) or meat loaf ones.  There are ones made to be hot and ones made to be cold.  Either way, they are good and you can make them with different leftovers to save money.

After I wrote all this I say something that said the Principle in question backtracked and said she was taken out of context or that she didn’t mean to say what it sounded like she said.  It sounds more like when a bunch of people got angry she tried to back herself out of it.

Wendy’s Has New Fries And In Other News The Reporter May Have Been Paid To Plug A Different Food Joint In this Article. 

“When Wendy’s (NYSE: WENNews) created its Natural Cut Fries With Sea Salt, which it introduced last fall and is now promoting in new TV ads this week, the company’s product development team found a way to leave the potato skins on, make the fries crispier and give them a much tastier flavor. What they didn’t manage to do, however, is make the fries an actual all-natural product. That, says CMO Ken Calwell, would be too difficult given fast food customers’ demands for items that are cheap and can be hoisted through a car window.”

Last time I checked Fark.com has a whole section on advertisements masquerading as news.  This is one of those things.  The thing about it is why the lady that wrote the article keeps mentioning Five Guys as if they are either the greatest thing on the planet or the standard to what all food should be held too.  That or she got paid a bunch of money by Five Guys to act like that.   Now for the record I have never eaten at Five Guys and honestly I’m apathetic towards them.   Wendy’s on the other hand I have eaten and do like their food.  I even worked at a Wendy’s years ago (yes I worked at one and will still eat their food).   To me they are one of the better fast food joints but their fries always were a problem.  The problem with their fries was that half the time they were a little undercooked for my tastes.  Now when they were cooked long enough that they were all crunchy they were some of the best fast food fries you could get but a lot of time you had the undercooked kinda soggy ones and they just kind of sucked that way (as do all fries). But oh how I love a triple and a large chili.   I haven’t been able to try the new fries because they don’t have Wendy’s in Japan anymore so I can’t say if the new ones are better or not.  My problem with this article is that the reporter sounded like she wrote this article more to plug Five Guys rather than talk about the new Wendy’s fries.  I really want to say that Wendy’s having new fries isn’t news but at least this is in the financial part of Yahoo News so we can at least say it has some merit to people that are either investing in Wendy’s or thinking about it, but when it all comes down to it aren’t we all going to get the same information from the next commercial break?

Right Now There Is A Cop Drunk Dialing Your Girlfriend And A Sniveling Little Bureaucrat Touching Himself For Thinking This Whole Thing Up.

“Michigan: Police Search Cell Phones During Traffic Stops
ACLU seeks information on Michigan program that allows cops to download information from smart phones belonging to stopped motorists.

The Michigan State Police have a high-tech mobile forensics device that can be used to extract information from cell phones belonging to motorists stopped for minor traffic violations. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Michigan last Wednesday demanded that state officials stop stonewalling freedom of information requests for information on the program.

ACLU learned that the police had acquired the cell phone scanning devices and in August 2008 filed an official request for records on the program, including logs of how the devices were used. The state police responded by saying they would provide the information only in return for a payment of $544,680. The ACLU found the charge outrageous.

“Law enforcement officers are known, on occasion, to encourage citizens to cooperate if they have nothing to hide,” ACLU staff attorney Mark P. Fancher wrote. “No less should be expected of law enforcement, and the Michigan State Police should be willing to assuage concerns that these powerful extraction devices are being used illegally by honoring our requests for cooperation and disclosure.”

A US Department of Justice test of the CelleBrite UFED used by Michigan police found the device could grab all of the photos and video off of an iPhone within one-and-a-half minutes. The device works with 3000 different phone models and can even defeat password protections.

“Complete extraction of existing, hidden, and deleted phone data, including call history, text messages, contacts, images, and geotags,” a CelleBrite brochure explains regarding the device’s capabilities. “The Physical Analyzer allows visualization of both existing and deleted locations on Google Earth. In addition, location information from GPS devices and image geotags can be mapped on Google Maps.”

The ACLU is concerned that these powerful capabilities are being quietly used to bypass Fourth Amendment protections against unreasonable searches.”

And every time I yell about the encroaching Orwellian state we are all trying to get to people call me paranoid.  I can’t wait till politicians and other state officials try to track down people that have their daughter’s phone numbers.  I can just see how that would go.

Police Officer:  So tell me Mr. Smythe why do you have a Kathy Johnson’s phone number in your phone?

Kyle Smythe:  Um, what is this about officer?

PO:  Just answer the question kid before you end up like you little friend Jimmy there!

KM:  Please officer, I didn’t do anything we have a group project due next week and needed to exchange numbers with the groups!

(Officer slaps child)

PO:  Don’t lie to me boy do you know who Miss Johnson is!?  Do you!?

(Child is crying)

KM:  Please officer, stop hitting me… We have social studies 5th period and Mrs. Nguyen has us doing a group project on Mesopotamia…

PO:  Well Senator Johnson seems to think otherwise?

KM:  What?

PO:  So am I to assume that you are just doing a “group project” with Miss. Johnson even though your parents voting record shows they voted for Senator Johnsons rival in the last election?

KM:  Sir, I’m 14, I don’t pay attention to that stuff.

(Officer slaps child)

PO:  Shut up and tell me why your parents donated 50 bucks to Senator Johnson’s rival in the last election and don’t lie to me boy!

KM:  Because apparently you and Senator Johnson are a bunch of fascist assholes and if I knew about this then I’d have told them to donate a lot more and spent less time playing X-Box and more time with the crazy militia guys that hang out in Baker’s Woods.

(Child passes out from blow to the head and scene fades to a picture of Kyle being led into a camp called Sunshine Farms Youth Reeducation Center).

So Does This Mean White People Can Get In On The Affirmative Action Policies Or Are They Still Not Allowed To Trick Or Treat At That House?

New census data confirm that some major metropolitan areas flipped from majority white to majority populations of minorities during the past decade.

White people are now in the minority in 46 of the nation’s 366 metro areas, including New York, Washington, San Diego, Las Vegas and Memphis, said William Frey, a demographer at the Brookings Institution.”

One thing I think is silly about this whole thing is they lump everyone that isn’t white into the same category of “Minority”, hell they even lump people that are white into the non-white (or minority) category like many Hispanics who are or 100% European decent but are somehow different than someone from Italy or Greece considering they are all of Mediterranean decent but the last two are jumped into the white (non-minority) category and the first into the minority category.      Anything to divide us I guess.

Honestly I could care less as long as they don’t vote for Progressives.

Out Of Fear That Nerds Might Try To Declare A Mulligan On History And Travel Back In Time To Support the Kuomintang China Bans Science Fiction Staple. 

“Hong Kong, China (CNN) – China has been cracking down on dissent of late, as the recent detainment of artist Ai Weiwei suggests.

But the latest guidance on television programming from the State Administration of Radio Film and Television in China borders on the surreal – or, rather, an attack against the surreal.

New guidelines issued on March 31 discourage plot lines that contain elements of “fantasy, time-travel, random compilations of mythical stories, bizarre plots, absurd techniques, even propagating feudal superstitions, fatalism and reincarnation, ambiguous moral lessons, and a lack of positive thinking.”

“The government says … TV dramas shouldn’t have characters that travel back in time and rewrite history. They say this goes against Chinese heritage,” reports CNN’s Eunice Yoon. “They also say that myth, superstitions and reincarnation are all questionable.”

The Chinese censors seem to be especially sensitive these days. But for the television and film industry, such strictures would seem to eliminate any Chinese version of “Star Trek,” “The X-Files,” “Quantum Leap” or “Dr. Who.”  And does that mean rebroadcast of huge Hollywood moneymakers like “Back to the Future” and the “Terminator” series are now forbidden?”

All I can think is that the Chinese government thought that if people think to hard about time travel they might get crazy ideas like what would happen if we all went back in time and stopped the communists from taking over and murdering tens of millions of us and oppressing the ones that managed to live.  Also since the last thing a communist is, is sane, they might be worried that some poor dissident might get so engrossed in the concept of time travel he ends up finding a way to do it and does the world a favor by beating to death Mao Zedong to death on his 18th birthday and does the entire world and the Chinese people a huge favor.  He’d be the best superhero ever.  Think about it he could call himself The Vigilante of Time and it could be a TV show.  It would be if Quantum Leap was about a Chinese guy jumping through time putting a bullet in the head of every shithead who ever needed it before they got a chance to be the bastard they would grow up to be.  I’d watch that show.  Hell I have no idea why that show hasn’t already been made.  If this show is ever made I don’t want any money for the idea just give me a mention in the credits and make sure you have episodes where they take out Che Guevara, Karl Marx and Hitler.  Also one where they stop they guy who invented Auto-Tune (he doesn’t have to die just stop the invention).

And Duke University Still Has Their Fingers In Their Ears While Yelling “La, La La, I Can’t Hear You”.

Durham, N.C. — Family members of a man who was stabbed in his home April 3 say he died Wednesday evening. Crystal Mangum, the Durham woman who falsely accused three Duke University lacrosse players of rape in 2006, has been charged with assaulting him.

“Durham police confirmed Thursday morning that Reginald Daye, 46, had died.

“The case remains under investigation, and we do anticipate upgrading the charges. However, no new charges have been filed at this time,” police spokeswoman Kammie Michael said in an e-mail to WRAL News.

Police said Mangum, 32, stabbed Daye in the torso with a kitchen knife during a dispute at 3507 Century Oaks Drive early on April 3…

In February 2010, police arrested Mangum after an altercation between her and a different boyfriend. In that incident, she was accused of assaulting the man in front of her children and setting some of his clothes on fire.

She was later convicted of child abuse, injury to personal property and resisting a public officer in the case, but prosecutors dismissed an arson charge after a jury couldn’t reach a verdict.”

You know if they had just locked her up for the first round of bullshit this might not have happened.  Granted I don’t know how long a jail sentence you get for false accusations are (and even though I’m on the internets right now I’m not looking it up) but it might have at least stopped for a bit the progression of her offenses.  I wonder if Mike Nifong is punching himself in the face right now.  If he isn’t he should be.

I hate it here.

A Drunken Rant From My Nuclear Wasteland: Cooking Tips, Pointless Rants, Your Mom, Cheap Obama Jokes And Other Reasons To Rage Against The Dying Of Existentialist Training In Primary School.

I would like to say something about video games and the people who make them.  If you are making a video game and you have a boss fight followed directly by another boss fight with no time in between the two you are a cheap asshole.    People work your way up to the fight give it your all and instead of having the downtime to replace your items, health, ect you go directly into another large fight that you had no idea you would unless you used a cheat guide.    I shouldn’t have to use a cheat guide or a walkthrough in order to play a fucking video game.  Not only that but if you die fighting the second boss guess what you have to fight them both over even if you kicked the first one’s ass.  Fuck you guys, seriously fuck you.

Cheap ass motherfuckers…

OK I have used walkthroughs for games before but that is when I was really stuck on something and wanted a little extra help.  I’m not saying it’s wrong to use them but it is very annoying to make a game you need the thing to play.

I like Tetris…

I don’t know if my heart isn’t in it any more or I found shit to do but I really don’t post on here much anymore do I?  Maybe it is the fact there are only so many Obama Teleprompter jokes you can make before you just don’t care anymore.   You all liked me more when I didn’t have a life didn’t you?   Either that or you are happy I have mostly shut up.   The sad thing is that this post took over a month to write.  It’s not that it took me a month to type this it’s that I would write a little, stop, write some more, stop still not post it because it wasn’t long enough or whatever and stop.  It’s not that bad considering I wrote about 10,000 words for another post in 2008 and keep forgetting to finish it.  Maybe I should go…

Oooo, nachos..

I bought a duck the other day (frozen, not as a pet).  I hadn’t roasted one in a while so I thought it sounded like a good thing to spend a Saturday doing (apart from playing video games and drinking beer, oh lord do I need to get a girlfriend).  On the package was anthropomorphic family of ducks that looked all happy holding hands.  I know that someone thought this was cute and a good way to catch people’s attention so they would think “Oh, look a happy family and since I want my family to be happy I will get this frozen duck for them and my family will all be happy together”.  All I could think was “I’m about to eat one or your children.  I’m not sure why you are smiling I can only assume it’s that you don’t understand someone killed your son and I’m going to shove garlic, onion and some of my famous spiced  butter  where his heart used to be roast the fuck out of him and eat him”.  It’s not like milk.  You have a smiling cow in sunglasses that says “Look at me I’m an awesome cow, and I make awesome milk, here have some and we can party on the milk train”.  This is more like “I can’t feed my family so I will sell you one of my children to make it through the winter.  Please smile mister so the rest of the kids don’t think something is wrong” kind of thing.    Don’t get me wrong I’m not going to become a vegan.  I’m not a big enough of a stupid pretentious asshat for that shit (if you know anything about evolution it was eating meat that helped our brain develop enough to get us out of the flinging our shit at everyone and drinking our own piss stage of development), I just find the whole happy duck family thing on my food funny since I’m about to eat the fuck out of you and I’m not sure why you are smiling.  Maybe it’s just that this is Japan and if it doesn’t have a cartoon on it and it isn’t beer or condoms you don’t buy it.  Is it an Emo duck?  “Woohoo I’m about to die, thank you Mr. I just couldn’t go through with it on my own you helped so much!!!”  Well I know it’s not a Goth duck, they would have been wearing black and have at least fought back unless I told them I was a vampire first…

For people that want to know my famous* spiced butter is really just a strange concoction I use for baking poultry that involves butter, an assortment of random spices (aka at least a pinch of everything on the spice rack but mostly basil and pepper), worcestershire sauce, teriyaki sauce, garlic, beer and sometimes a bit of water.  I also might add hoisin or duck sauce (if it is duck, but not if it is chicken or turkey).  It’s better with the duck sauce (if you use that you use more duck sauce and less butter) but it’s good either way.  You heat this concoction enough to melt the butter and then slather it on everything and inside everything (aka the poultry).  It does not even in the least look or sound like it is edible but oh lord is it good.

I actually cook almost everything with booze.  I use sake instead of the rice wine they make for cooking (I never use cooking wine, too much salt and while I don’t have a problem with salt I’m going to get that someplace else).  A good pasta sauce is always made with a good red wine (usually Chianti or Merlot).  Chili, burritos, shepherd’s pie, beef stew, hamburgers, beer.  My food might drink more than I do.

Well we are on cooking so let’s go with it.  I learned how to cook when I was very young to the point that by the time I was 8 I would make entire meals for the family.  I have always been pretty good at it and enjoy it.  I don’t think I could every do it as a job though.  There are a lot of reasons for that.  When I was younger I made it a point to make the presentation a part of the meal (as you would expect from a chef) but as I got older I cared a lot less about presentation and a lot more for how it tastes.  I can still try to make it look nice but I live alone and unless I have a girlfriend over (and since I don’t have one at the moment) I really don’t care how it looks.  This has led me to invent some very, very tasty dishes that look absolutely horrendous.  One dish is fried potatoes, onions and pork chops cooked in balsamic vinegar and mint (with some other spices in various amounts).  Everything comes out black, it’s good, excellent even but it’s a bit disconcerting.  Another is a recipe for lamb that turns the lamb green because I basically cook it in a concoction that the best way to describe is a mix between mint tea and mint pesto.  A marinade for steak I have turns the entire steak a grayish brown (not matter how rare it is).  You take 2 Guinness, a little garlic, some pepper, a little basil (I put basil in almost everything), a lot of scallions and about a 4th of a cup of sugar (the scallions and sugar are important otherwise it will be bitter) and you marinate the steak in it at least overnight (sometimes 2), pull it out throw it on a grill cooking it to your taste (I like rare or sometimes medium rare), and you eat.  It is good but the color of the meat always looks a little off.  Now people might be thinking “yeah so you like it but you are cooking it for your own tastes, does anyone else like any of this?”  Yes, yes they do.  Even my friend who is a professional chef likes it (although being the asshole he is he will always makes comments about what he would of done, but it is more of a trade thing rather than a complaint about the taste).

Another thing about my cooking is I don’t think any of it is very low in calories.  Thank Vishnu I have a high metabolism or I would be 400 pounds.  To give you an example I have a recipe for hot wings where the sauce is mostly butter and Louisiana Hot Sauce.

Maybe I just like my food weird.  The trick to good BBQ pork ribs is to rub the meat with a little garam masala (or at least a little cinnamon) mixed with a few other more normal things like pepper, onion and garlic salt and a bit of chili powder before you throw it on the grill.  That and while you put the BBQ sauce on in the end you want to char the outside a little.  It sounds wrong but trust me.  A little bit of a crunch on the outside and a lot of juicy rib on the inside and you are golden.   Sometimes I think I get invited to cookouts just because they want me to cook.

Still half of my food looks inedible and my recipes don’t really have any standardized measurements.  It’s more of keep adding things until it tastes right.

I really hate it at work when people expect me to deal with their constant fuck ups.  Lucky for me people have started to realize I am going to hold them to at least the minimum standard they are supposed to be at so they don’t ask me to hook them up or fix their shit anymore.  The problem is that rather than get their shit together they find someone else to try to get me to hook them up for them.  Now I have to explain to the other department managers that “no we do not hook them up, they are incompetent buffoons stop listening to them or being nice to their stupid asses or they will never learn”.    Fuck at least if you tried to talk to my boss and get him to force me to do it, it would be less annoying.  I know why you don’t do this.  Because there is a 505 chance my boss will either give you the same answer I did or tell you to fuck off.  Then there is a 49.9% chance my boss would ask me to do it if I can but not try to demand it and let me tell him I won’t do it (unless I feel nice that day and try to help him out of the bullshit because I have time [5% chance]) , and a .01% chance they will force me to do it no matter what I say (these numbers and percentages hold up even with the one boss that hates my guts).

Speaking of work if I tell you something is not possible.  Such as something needs to get done in the next ten minutes (because you waited till the last minute to turn something in) and the systems required to do it are down (server screw-up, secluded maintenance, act of Vishnu, ect), why do you feel the need to get angry at me for it?  Do you think yelling at me and irritating the ever living fuck out of me is going to make things faster, make the systems (I don’t run only use) get up do a little happy dance and start working?  Do you think I’m going to push everyone else’s shit aside to fix your fuck up, especially considering you want to be rude about it?  I’m not going to sit here and say I’ve never hooked someone up or helped them out.  But those people came to me apologized for the late requests and were humble and nice about it and were understanding about technical difficulties when there were.  They offer to get me lunch, a sixer, something (I never accept this offer but it’s nice to know it’s there).   You on the other hand want to be a dick and act like it is my fault.  Fuck you.

Fuck work.  I spend all day there I don’t need to bitch about it on here.  Well that much anyway…

The world needs more bike lanes. Every street should have them.  Now this isn’t some hippie “save the world, we need more people riding bikes” type crap.  No, it’s because they piss me off.  They need to keep bikes off the road and out of traffic and away from my car.  They also need to keep the things off of sidewalks, people are walking there and since we can’t ban their use altogether to keep the fucking things away from normal people I think we should only allow their use is specially designated areas (preferably in the ocean or an active volcano).  Since you don’t walk in the street and you don’t drive on the sidewalk well you should either have to use a bike lane or go fuck yourself.

Nothing good can ever come from large amounts of alcohol and your ex.

Of all the stupid things that get made into TV shows or movies why has the webcomic Something Positive never been done?  Oh, right people don’t actually like sarcasm as much as I do…

Fuckers…

And now a funny video.

“Couldn’t we give them nothing instead and have them hate us for free?”  Oh if only…

Thanks Dr. Bulldog and Ronin

Why does most spam go to the “about” section of this blog?  Really they have some of the best comments that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Such as:

“I have to voice my affection for your kind-heartedness for men and women who require assistance with this one situation. Your special dedication to getting the solution up and down had become exceptionally beneficial and has in every case made regular people much like me to achieve their aims. Your amazing helpful guidelines entails this much to me and even more to my office workers. Thanks a lot; from everyone of us.”

Does that make any sense?

I just watched Inception.  A lot of people have questions about it but the only real question I have is did Mr. Saito get out?  Also am I the only person that gives a shit?  I might need a life…

Best Super Bowl Commercial:

Speaking of Doritos there was an ad that has the Salsa Verde Doritos.  Are they back?  If they are that is fucking awesome I loved those but then I guess they stopped making them or only selling them in select markets and they were gone.   Woohoo!  Oh, right I live in Japan and they don’t have them out here…  Foiled again, foiled again…  But at least I can get seaweed flavored potato chips…  Seriously do not eat seaweed flavored potato chips.  You will though, you won’t try to but you will see a bag of chips at the store and it will look like sour cream and onion chips (but they’re not) and you aren’t really paying attention because it’s 2am and you are a little drunk and just grabbing shit off the shelves. All you wanted was some sour cream and onion chips (and a hot dog, Pocari Sweat, a tuna sandwich, 5 cans of Yebisu, shrimp flavored chips, chicken on a stick, and well anything your drunken mind decides is food…) and oh god nooooooooooo!

Yeah speaking of the Super Bowl I really want to be angry but it was a good game and the Steelers fucked up.  Lord is it hard to find a place in Japan to watch the thing live.  You can watch it like 7 hours later on some stations but lord is it hard to watch it live.  OK the Steelers lost  but it’s OK they still have more rings.  Although if they did get a seventh I could make a Lord of the Rings joke.  Granted I would have to hope there is enough crossover between Nerds and football fans that anyone would get it but I would still do it anyway.  Of course I could still make a joke since the Packers can now say they’re the Elf Kings but I wanted the Dwarf Lords joke, and I should just stop right now…

In news you may already know they cancelled “Caprica”.  Fuck you guys, seriously fuck you.  Yeah I’m late but I watch things after I can get it or rent it on DVD or Blue-Ray.  If was a good show but the ending was rushed.   Mostly because you fucks cancelled it!

I have recently found out that Bruce Lee was part German.  Apparently his mom was half German.  Is this important?  Not really, but interesting.

Speaking of Bruce Lee I like this quote from him:

“Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it”

The greatest thing Metallica ever did was throw Dave Mustaine out of the band.  If they hadn’t we wouldn’t have Megadeth.  It was also the dumbest thing they ever did because really Metallica sucks and hasn’t even pretended to write a good album in 20 years.   Megadeth on the other hand is still one of the greatest bands ever.

So the other day someone broke into a house and then when the owner returned while they were there they get scared and lock themselves in the bathroom and call the police.  Seriously the guy way afraid the owner of the house had a gun and might hurt them so they called the police for help.  The fucked up thing is that the homeowner called the police at the same time so you had one 911 operator talking to the perp and one talking to the victim.  The criminal didn’t even know if the homeowner had a gun he was just afraid they might.  So afraid he called the police (the people going to take him to jail) to save him.   If that isn’t a case for gun ownership I don’t know what is.  I also wish I had been that 911 operator that took the call.  I would have seriously told the guy I hope the homeowner does have a gun and blows his fucking head off right before I hung up.

And now time for something completely different:

The Middle East is burning, I’m trying to care.  Really I hope something good comes out of all the revolutions and protests but it’s been so, so very long that anything good came out of the Middle East that I’m really just not that hopeful over the whole thing.

Radiation levels in Tokyo have recently risen to the level of “Still Not Anywhere Close To What You Got From That X-ray At The Dentist Last Week” (that is the official scientific term for the current levels).  Please continue to freak the fuck out.  I’ll say it like this.  If you spend the entire day outside you will be exposed to the same amount of radiation you get in a 6 hour flight.  You don’t spend 24 hours a day outside and you don’t hear about airline pilots mutating into monsters or dying or radiation poisoning every 5 seconds so please continue to freak the fuck out.

Click to enlarge.

Thank you xkcd

Seriously, nothing good can ever come from large amounts of alcohol and your ex.

I hate it here…

* The use of the word “famous” may or may not be an outright lie.

Culinary Horrors And Indian Food

So I was at an Indian restaurant the other night, you don’t care but you’re reading this so lets move on.  Indian food is tasty, I love Indian food, however I made a fatal mistake.  You see at many Indian joints they have these little after dinner candy that look like tiny jimmies and I believe they are supposed to be some sort of digestive but what the fuck do I know.  I think it’s called a Mukhwa (Mukhwas?), but I might be wrong and I was eating something else.  They are not candy, and I can only imagine that they were invented by either Satan or Nancy Pelosi.  Some might ask what is the difference?  Well while Nancy Pelosi does look like she could command an army of ghouls from the netherworld she doesn’t have enough class to do so.   Satan has class, plus no one would ever believe that Pelosi was once the most beautiful of all the angels…  I digress…  The little candy things, right…

At first they taste sort of like a Good N’ Plenty, candy outside liquorice inside, but with a twist, a horrifying twist.  The other tastes kick in, what is that taste, I have no idea but it tastes like eating incense.  Seriously it tasted like eating incense and a Good N’ Plenty.  At fist this isn’t that bad, and you almost don’t mind it, but it only gets worse from there, the initial candy and liquorice flavor leave and all you taste is incense, and it gets stronger and stronger, within an hour I had consumed several beers, orange juice and a pack of cigarettes just to get the taste out of my mouth and it didn’t help.  Oh God it didn’t help, I was ten seconds away from eating the container of moldy – I have no idea what this is anymore – shit in the back of my fridges in the hopes that even if it didn’t get the taste out of my mouth it would at least put me out of my misery.  Finally I just went to sleep, at least after a good nights sleep it would be gone right?  I was wrong, I was so, so wrong… I could still taste the shit the next day, even after practically drinking a bottle of mouth wash, several more beers, pizza, onion rings, chili fries, tacos, another pack of smokes, shrimp flavored potato chips and wasabi flavored rice crackers I could still taste the shit deep, deep down. I’ve enjoyed eating sea urchin for fuck’s sake.  I can eat anything.  This was a hatecrime!

Seriously India what the hell have I done to you?  You lure me in with the Kingfisher beer the garlic nan and keema matar and you do this to me?  Why?!  Did I kick your puppy or something?  Is it a practical joke?  Look a good joke is fun, like telling someone that wasabi is really a Japanese form of lime jello.  But wasabi only does it’s thing on the victim for a moment, then it’s gone and fun was had by all.  This lasts for days, that’s not funny it’s a crime.  It’s like you are trying to tell people that unless they come back to your restaurant  and order the spiciest curry there they will never get the flavor out of their mouths.  That’s not a marketing scheme, it’s blackmail and a hostage situation!

India, you make such nice food why would you do this to people?

.

I hate it here…

Culinary Disasters Of The Orient

When either traveling or moving to another country it is always a good idea to try new foods.  Some of them are wonderful and upon returning to your home you can only dream of getting it again.  Some things are interesting, you expect it to be disgusting yet turn out to be if not very good at least pleasing enough to consume, such as Sea Urchin or Adobo in the Philippines (something that can only be described as looking like what happens when you put a whole chicken in a blender).  Some are horrible messes you wonder how anyone could possibly enjoy, such as the shit that comes out of the oden pots (we always just called it “The Bucket”) at every other Japanese convenience store.   Seriously, tofu and octopus already taste terrible but you can choke it down without crying or wanting to kill yourself.  Somehow though simmering for hours in one of those buckets can make something taste like what I would assume Satan’s asshole would do to your tongue, and if it can do that with a radish imagine what it can do to tofu or fish sausage.

This is the horror:

oden

But I’m not here today to talk about all the wonderful things you can try while traveling I’m here to talk about things you shouldn’t even try, the things even worse than a bucket full of convenience  store Satan Ass, like fried spiders, balut, maggot cheese and this:

shirouo

Shirouo

Why yes kids, those are live fish.  And yes, you are going to eat them while the poor little bastards are still swimming around in your soup.

“The cute little fish will arrive on your table in a big bowl, darting through the water and most likely dreaming about sex. It’s their annual mating habit that has them swimming up the river, and getting them into the trap that brought them to your table.

Along with the bowl of fish come a quail egg and a bottle of vinegar. You crack the egg and pour it into the cup provided, then mix it with some vinegar.

Then, you start the delicious cruelty with a device which is half ladle half sieve, you catch some of the fish out of the bowl and throw them into the smaller bowl of quail egg / vinegar mix. Locals will tell you that the vinegar is numbing the fish, rendering it unconscious. But if you look at the proceedings yourselves, you will discover that the vinegar may be pure torture to the poor little beast – it wriggles like crazy…

My Japanese friends tend to swallow them alive… and then tell me that they swim freely through their stomach and irrite their intestines, which was of course always a great excuse for drinking large cups of strong shochu to get rid of those strange feelings deep inside their bellies…”

I think the shochu is more for getting so drunk you forget what you just ate, but I think going for the shochu first might be better so you’re drunk enough to eat it in the first place, not taste it and then not remember anything about it in the morning.   I know this comes from Japan a country whose only contribution to the culinary arts in most people’s minds is raw fish (it’s not), but this is going to far, I like my sushi fresh but I also like it dead before it hits my plate.

  • Calendar

    • November 2017
      M T W T F S S
      « Mar    
       12345
      6789101112
      13141516171819
      20212223242526
      27282930  
  • Search