Government Cheese.

honest_panhandler_small1Since by this point even bloggers are requesting their own bail out I figure I might as well get in on the action.  Lets face it the money I take in from this cyber-space skid mark is minimal.  Well so minimal in fact that I don’t make any money at all.  However I still have overhead and thus this is keeping me perpetually in the red.  I know the auto industry is in the red as well but unlike them I don’t make crappy cars. I make crappy jokes something I feal is much more necessary in this world and less dangerous then the brake lines on a Chrysler or Chevy.  Granted I don’t have any workers but I do supply several industries with large amounts of money in order to write this tripe.

For every 1000 to 2000 words I write I require at least 6 twelve ounce bottles of Liquid Inspiration and one plate of nachos or can of wasabi peas.  This can get expensive since I refuse to lower myself to drinking the cheep shit or buying the off brand jalapeno cheese.

Since this post would put me at 205 articles minus the 23 or so posts that are just music videos and the 17 or so posts that are just links to other peoples tripe would make it about 165 posts with an average of 1300 words per post that would make if necessary to purchase at least 1287 bottles of Liquid Inspiration this is about about 214 six packs or 54 cases.  This is not cheep,  and we wouldn’t want me to post sober without inspiration now would we?

Secondly since unlike the people over at the Daily Kos I have a real job and don’t live in my parents basement so I have to do things like pay rent and utilities.  I also am not subsidized by a crazy Marxist billionaire so all of this having a real life and not leaching off of other people thing takes money out of my Drunken Ranting fund.  To say the least I need money… government money and unlike my old neighbor I’m not going to use me government check to buy crack and  heroine.  She was a nice lady other then the whole thing with drugs and randomly stabbing her boyfriend every other month but I’m not going down like that.  I am going to be doing something with the tax dollars the government steals from you and gives to me.     Look all I am asking for is a measly 150 million.  We waste billions in this country every day paying public school teachers to teach 12th graders how to read at a 3rd grade level is 150 million too much to ask for?  Plus unlike the public schools you will actually get something out of this investment.

Heres what your tax dollars stolen from you and given to me will proved:

1.  More Drunken ranting.

2.  A mini fridge  I can use just for beer so I don’t have to walk the extra five feet to the real fridge.  Plus I will have more room in the regular fridge for my collection of mustard and microwavable burritos.

3.  I can hire a staff of minions thus creating jobs.  The staffs duties will be to spread hate and discontent 24 hours a day in 120 different languages.  They will also get me beer and nachos.

4.  A new liver I think the old one is almost used up.

5.  I can upgrade my current computer an old Commodore 64 to a newer and faster Commodore 128.

6.  I will finally  purchase the 1967 GTO and the 1958 Chevy Bel Air I have always wanted thus helping to kick start the U.S. Auto Industry.

7.  I will  purchase as many paintings by Pablo Picasso as possible and burn them saving the world from ever having to look at that crap again.

8.  I will reanimate all the dead cast members  of Hogan’s Heros and put the show back on the air.  Consider this my gift to humanity similar to the burning up all the Picasso paintings thing.  The researched used here will also help me start my Zombie Army.

9.   For an extra 150 million on top of the first 150 million I will stop writing altogether thus saving you all from my wrath and poor spelling.

10.  I will release 1500 squirrels into the the House and the Senate on the 15th of every month except during a recess where I will fill both chambers with horse manure.

11.  I promise to buy at least $145,000  worth of guns and ammo helping to support the booming U.S. firearms industry.  They also make great Hanukkah or Christmas gifts.  Nothing says Happy Holidays like a new 45.  Plus I’m starting my own militia.

12. Hiring a full time staff will also let me branch out into other annoying ventures.  By that I will start my old comic strip back up and be able to offend people in art form.

13.  It keeps me from grave robbing.

14.  Seriously If I don’t get that money I’m going to dig up and sell Abraham Lincoln’s bones to the crazy guy from Pakistan that lives in my apartment complex.  I have no idea why he wants them but he is going to pay in cash.

15.  I will pay Lou Ferrigno to punch Joe Biden and Barney Frank in the face as hard as he can.

16.  I will use the money to make a film based on the comic book Johnny the Homicidal Maniac.  It will star Edward Furlong even if he is forced to do it at gunpoint.

17.  Buy more nachos, salt n’ viniger chips and gummy bears.

18.  I will buy a cage and lock up P. Diddy, Paris Hilton, Sean Penn, Hugo Chavez, Tom Cruse and Mariah Carry so we will never have to see these asshats again.

19.  I will burn down the entire town of Berkeley California.

See not only will people still get to enjoy my great writing and wonderful web site but they will get all these others things as well.  So hurry up and force Congress to give me my money!  Don’t make me come over to your house…

Chain Letters to a dying dream… Oh how I hate it here.

I would really like to thank Michele for this but I’m not going to.  Instead I am going to light her AMC Pacer on fire and roll it into the local burn ward.

Because the internets doesn’t have enough weird shit someone started this little crapfest.  A fucking chain letter for blogs?  What the bloody hell!

Here are the rules.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random, arbitrary things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.  (This could be a problem.)
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.
7. If you don’t repost this I’m going to come to your house and beat you to death with a parking cone.

Screw rule 4, 5 and 6.  If you want to steal this shit and annoy your friends with it have fun with that.  I’m not going to do it.  Well I can’t since all my friends come from a liquor or pet store.

I added rule 7.

And on with the idiocy:

1.  I stopped making jokes about midget porn after I watched one.  Really it sounds funnier then it really is.  In fact it’s kinda creepy, disturbing even.  The point is if you think midget porn is funny you have never watched one or you should be in prison.

2.  I  often give people fake names when I’m in a bar.  I do it mostly to see if anyone will get the literary reference from the name.  That and since I don’t like most people why do they need to know who I am.  The sad thing is very rarely does anyone notice even when it’s obvious like John Galt or Emmanuel Goldstein. I think I’m just going to give up on literature and use something like Hideyoshi Toyotomi or Vladimir Ulyanov and see if anyone gets the joke.

3.  I was once a member of a lesbian punk band.  I’m not a woman or gay.  Like you, have I have no idea what I was doing there.

4.  I found the best way to get a telemarketer to stop calling your house is to threaten their children. This is not legal but it is effective.*

The conversation went like this:

TM. Hello would you like to hear about our deals on vinyl siding for your home?

ME.  What the fuck?  I live in an apartment what the hell you I need vinyl siding for?

TM.  Well could you give me the name and number to the manager of your apartment complex?

ME.  What?  I work nights and you wake me up and want me to go help you sell shit to my landlord?

TM. well…

ME.  Look lady this is the 50th time you guys have called me! How about this next time you guys wake me up for this shit I’m going to come to your house late at night wake up your entire family and disembowel them with a rusty knife and eat your fucking dog while you watch! You got that!?

Click…

5.  I know what jet fuel tastes like.  I wish I didn’t but I do.

6.  In a thousand years I want the world to still remember me.  I also want them to still hate my guts for what I did.

* Do not do this.  If they call the cops it wil take the cops all of 5 seconds to find your address and the only time cops are late is when you need them, not when they are coming after you.  But it does work.

Ranting for Rantings sake.

booze-kittenSo since I have spent most of my day listening to hardcore punk and drinking I guess it’s time for another little rant, or whatever the hell I do on here anyway…

Since I’m on the music kick I guess I’ll start with that.  What the hell happened to music lately?  Really come the fuck on people!  The only songs on the radio that almost don’t suck are ones from bands that haven’t been popular since at latest the mid 90’s.  Come on people try to wake the hell up and write a half decent song once in a while.    Granted I know the radio sucks and always has but when radio stations have to rehash the crap that was on when I was 14 since they can’t even find new crap to play we have a problem here don’t we?

If I started a band now would I look like the old guy trying to relive his youth or the old guy trying to bring back good music?  OK I might not be that old but how old is too old to start a punk band?

When you are 15 you go to a show and run into the pit get your ass kicked and wake up the next day feeling golden.  When you are around 30 you go to a show drink enough to run into the pit and get your ass kicked and wake up with a hangover and a bad back.  The good thing about this is that since most bands suck now you have less shows to go to so only hurt yourself every couple months.

Why the hell did Obama run his whole campaign off the idea of change then when he gets elected every person he picks for his team is either from the Clinton administration, an old D.C. insider or worked for Fannie Mae or Freddy Mac?  That’s not really change asshole it looks more like the crap we already had or still do you shithead!

Wait I know because you all got suckered morons!!!  What the fact he was a Chicago politician didn’t clue you assholes in?

I shouldn’t pick on Obammers considering the guy still needs to have someone change his diapers it’s not like he knows any better.  Well I shouldn’t pick on him but I will.

Really congratulations to Obammers I wish you well especially since I’m moving out of the country and will get to watch your stupid ass fuck up from several thousand miles away!

Why can’t Obama show his birth certificate?  Come on, the Obama is not a U.S. citizen thing is the easiest conspiracy to disprove!  Just show the thing.  Or is the fact you won’t proving the conspiracy right?  Hmm….

As a change of pace for the day I switched from Black Flag and the Cro-Mags to the Damned…  Not regretting that right now since it does go well with beer.

I had someone threaten to sue me for comments I made on someone else’s blog.  It was the funniest thing about this week.  Really you are going to sue someone for making fun of you on the internets?  Really?  Considering the fact you only post on the site to yell and swear at people is trying to sue them what you really want to try?  I know people are stupid but come the fuck on!  If you want to read the fun go here, or here.  Trust me any time that little Pocono talks is fun for the whole family.

In Islam the Prophet Mohammed married a six year old girl but waited to consummate the marriage (fuck) till the girl was nine.  When I said that was sick and there was no point that that was anything but rape and a terrible;e thing a person tried to defend against the my comments saying it was a beautiful thing and that I just had to think about the context of it.   When I asked in what context is a man in his fifties raping a nine year old girl a beautiful thing they stopped talking to me.  Apparently they realized they didn’t have any real arguments.

If Islam is the religion of peace why do they keep blowing shit up in Allah’s name?  It’s like the purest form of doublespeak I can think of.

Before people try to rush to the defense of Islam they might want to read up on the truth about it. Yes Mohammed was a pedophile and a rapist.  Even the freaks from Scientology can’t claim that kind of fucked up shit.

If you get offended by me talking about Islam I don’t care.  What I find really offensive is pedophiles and what just happened in India this week.

I wrote a 7,000 word article on Vietnam a month ago and haven’t figured out how to finish it, I should probably get on that.

The reason most casual sex is bad is the fact that you spent the last several hours at a bar getting drunk trying to have casual sex.  No matter how good you think you are after several beers and a ton of tequila shots you are not going to bring your A game.  the good thing about this is she is probably to dunk to care since if she was sober she probably wouldn’t of fucked you in the first place.

Also be nice enough to your kids never to tell them that their parents met by being the last resort at last call.  Lie to them and say something about dog walking in the park.

Since it’s thanksgiving I’ll tell you what I’m thankful for.  I’m thankful I’m not you!

And beer cause I likey the beer….  And Korean woman, but not Korean beer…

Well speaking of Thanksgiving I decided to forgo the turkey and get a duck.  Why?  Because the ducks that live in the park by my apartment are very easy to catch and there are not any turkeys living in the city.

Thousands of people have read my blog and I have no idea why.

A lot of people recently seem to be worried about their guns.  I say to them don’t worry about your guns worry about if they are loaded of not.  If there not loaded then worry.

I might not always be right but I’m not always wrong.  Some people however are always wrong it usually however takes practice or a degree in Sociology or Woman’s Studies.

Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it hate speech. Sometimes it the truth and you just don’t want to admit it.

They say it takes more muscles to frown then it does to smile.  Well I’m not lazy…

Some days I think the only thing that keeps me going is hate… Well hate and gin anyway.

They say that anyone who likes children can’t be a bad person.  This is not true some people like kids a little too much.  They are very bad people.

Best movie line of the week:

“I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that all of platoon 4 will get a change of underwear this afternoon.  The bad news is that Platoon 4 will change with platoon 5.”

Quote of the day…

“If this is about morality, our president-elect has admitted to doing crack, and he’s our president. Does that make him a bad person?”

Crystal Gunns

Well it does not make him a good person if that’s what you want to know…




Victory in Iraq!

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Woohoo it’s Victory in Iraq day!  Time to pack up our shit and go the hell home!  Wait we aren’t going to do that…

OK by this point there isn’t a war going on.  Well if you consider walking through Chicago a war then we are still technically at war but trust me Iraq is safer then Chicago or even Trenton NJ. So why are we not packing our things and rolling out you ask?  Well until the Iraqi Army and the police force are up to snuff and can fully take over the job of securing and defending Iraq from the small pockets of lunatics still left in the country the presence of foreign troops with be necessary.  They are getting there though.  However as the Iraqi’s take more and more responsibility for their country the need for the foreign troops will be less and less resulting in a gradual drawdown.  Soon all will be left is some advisors and maybe a Carrier Group to help with air support until the Iraqi Air Force is up to the job and take over.  It might take a minute to two but it’s going to happen.  I guess that whole “Surge” plan kinda worked out there didn’t it?  Yeah let’s celibrate now before the media figures out a way to say it was Obama that did this.

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I know there where mistakes in the war but it’s war it can never be perfect.  Nothing ever can be for that matter.  People want to sit around and Monday morning quarterback the whole war like they would really have known what to do in the first place.  Right now the Iraqis are taking control of their country and building a free and just society. It’s going to take some work but it is working.  No longer are People being tossed in mass graves or sent of to torture chambers and “rape rooms”.  The Iraqis no longer have to worry about their own leader using chemical weapons on them.  We are at the home stretch and that is all we need to worry about now so for all the assholes and hippies out there…

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Well the brave people that fought and died in Iraq to help bring about a better country need a Thank You.  When the guys get home make sure you buy them a beer.  Do not let our men a women come back to the same crap they got when they came home from Vietnam!

Nations with troops currently deployed in Iraq:

United States
United Kingdom
Australia
South Korea
Romania
El Salvador
Czech Republic
Azerbaijan
Albania
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Ukraine
Estonia
Macedonia
Moldova
Bulgaria
Singapore
Tonga

Nations who have had troops in Iraq and deserve our thanks:

Latvia
Mongolia
Kazakhstan
Armenia
Georgia
Poland
Denmark
Slovakia
Lithuania
Italy
Japan
Norway
Portugal
Netherlands
Nicaragua
Honduras
Dominican Republic
Philippines
Thailand
Hungary
New Zealand
Iceland

And we can’t forget the brave people of Iraq!

Now on with a little video and some pictures.



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iraq-3

iraq-4

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And a special thanks to ZOMBIETIME for getting people involved in this!

Victory in Iraq Day November 22nd.

With the hostilities in Iraq at an all time low so low in fact as to barely garner mention in the press Zombie from Zombie Time has decided to declare November 22nd as VI Day.

For more information on and the reason behind her ideas and hot support VI Day go here.

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Full post here.

Rights of man

I would like to thank Xanhippa for the H/T because she knows whats up.  She lived under the Iron Curtain and came to the new world to find a better life.

And she found it.  What is your excuse?