In The World Of Who Cares Doormen Go On Strike

“It has been nearly two decades since New Yorkers faced their last doorman strike, but as the deadline for a new contract for building workers approached, the questions being posed throughout the city remained largely unchanged on Sunday.

Who will safeguard my apartment as I sleep? Greet my children when they come home from school? Accept deliveries? Clean the hallways? Sort the mail? Operate the elevator? And who, for goodness sake, will let the cleaning lady in?

Residents, co-op boards and building management companies have been busy planning for the sudden complications that could come at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday with the possible departure of the building workers who, among many other things, hold open the city’s doors.”

For the love of God don’t make me open the door to my own apartment building. What is this some third world country or the rest of the fucking planet?  Um let me put it this way door opening peoples, we are in a recession, you have a job, a job that is almost worthless.  What,  you don’t think it’s a pointless job?  Years ago they invented a machine that will do this automatically  yet they still can’t invent a machine to make fast food.  The 16 year old fry cook at Wendy’s can be considered “skilled labor” compared to a Doorman.  Just be happy you have a job.  People that graduated not only high school but college can’t get a job right now and you want to complain about it?

Let’s get to some of those pesky “questions” the people of NYC have:


Who will safeguard my apartment as I sleep?

It’s called a locked door, an alarm system and a loaded .45 and a shotgun.

Who will greet my children when they come home from school?

You.  They are your children, try talking to them once in a while and they wouldn’t be shooting up their schools, getting pregnant at 13 and idolizing rappers and other junkie.

Who will accept deliveries?

UPS/FEDEX/DHL leave a note if you are not home and you can pick it up after hours in their office.  You could also have it sent to your work so you can sign for it yourself.

Who will clean the hallways?

Find a broom if you can’t all pitch in and get a maid.

Who will sort the mail?

The mail man, it’s sort of their job.


Who will operate the elevator?

You can’t push a fucking button?  Are you serious?  You live on the 12th floor and can’t figure out that if you push the button that has a 12 on it the elevator will take you there?  Please kill yourself before you breed.

And who, for goodness sake, will let the cleaning lady in?*

Give her a key it’s not like you are there to make sure she’s not stealing shit anyway you might as well just give her a key.  Or just clean your own damn house.

Next you freaks are going to be asking me who is going to change the channel on your TV’s and remind you to breath.

Isn’t Doorman sexist, shouldn’t they be called Doorpersons now?

.

I hate New York…

* I am almost 99% certain that the person who wrote this article did it just to make this joke.    If it wasn’t that I have no other explanation.

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2 Comments

  1. Really! Have any of these people heard of DIY?

  2. “You can’t push a fucking button? Are you serious? You live on the 12th floor and can’t figure out that if you push the button that has a 12 on it the elevator will take you there? Please kill yourself before you breed.”

    That’s the best one.

    I’m sure it’s a New York thing, having a doorman, but in all seriousness, they’re simply not vital, nothing against doormen, but that’s just the reality.


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