Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here: Hell And The Japanese DMV

There are a lot of factors in Japanese society people believe contribute to the above average suicide rate, my theory is the Japanese DMV.  If America ran their DMV like Japan does people would be using the term “Going DMV” instead of “Going Postal”.  Unlike America guns are not as easily obtained in Japan because the only people who sell them are the Yakuza and they are very picky on who they sell them to.  The Japanese DMV is like the 10th circle of hell, I had to go to 10 different offices in the same compound get 400 stamps (they had people there just to stamp the fact that I got the correct stamp from the last guy before moving me on to stamp the next 10,000 pages of paperwork and pay the 18 different random taxes necessary just to get the car inspected to be eligible to pay another 12 random taxes and get another 600 things stamped so I can say I own the thing and might be allowed to drive it.  Then after all that I still have to go to the police station and after proving to them I own not only have the car and the millions of pages of paperwork all properly stamped and taxes paid but that I either own or rent a parking space.  Once the police see the Prime Minister has finally approved of the fact that I have this car I can pay the police more money just for the right to not only drive my car but use the parking space that I either own/rent (you might accuse me of exaggeration, I am but not by much).  Next year around this time I will have to do the whole thing again.  Unlike the DMV in America at least the people there are helpful and nice to you.  But I think it’s out of pity because they understand your pain, or it’s for the same reason a serial killer smiles at his victim.  Either way I feel cold, cold and dead inside.

And now kids you know why everyone takes the train because the idea of being shoved into a train that was meant for only 60 with 500 other people sounds like a better idea than going to the DMV.  The funny thing is that cars are really cheep in Japan, the car is everything else is more expensive.  If your car note is 200 a month you give 300 a month to the DMV and you don’t even want to think about road tolls (it’s cheaper to take a plane or a train from Tokyo to Osaka than it is to drive unless you want the trip to take the 6 years it will take you to find all the non-toll roads in between the two).

This is what a Japanese road looks like if you remove the buildings.

Really why do I drive in this country?   Yeah, I paid almost nothing for the car (I literally bought it for a round of beers) nothing is free, and when you think it’s almost free it isn’t.  I think he made out on the deal…

This is the least confusing road sign in the entire country of Japan.  Add 6 more squiggly lines on it and some algebraic equations and that is what they normally look like.  Now try to read it  going 65 miles an hour while trying to do the math in your head.

They also light up, and blink, and dance, I have yet to figure out why.


I hate is here…


1 Comment

  1. Shit that’s scary looking. As for the Japanese DMV, that’s even crazier, it’s surprising though, given that one of their main industries is manufacturing. You’d think they’d like to make the owning of and buying their own shit easier, i guess that doesn’t compute for them or something.

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