Oh, North Korea How You Complete Me.

Is this photo relevant to the post?  No, but it’s funny so shut up while I get on with the rest.

Ah, my best running joke friend North Korea is back in the news so today I have with me two delicious helpings of fun from the Hermit Kingdom.

First off I’m going to go with the quick and easy jokes and the first story:

“U.N. Expert: No. Korean Farm Controls Causing Hunger:

North Korea should let farms produce freely and allow food to be sold in local markets because the communist government cannot provide enough food for its people, a U.N. human rights investigator urged Monday.”

Easy Joke Number 1:

It’s the U.N. and they pretty much invented the concept of Complete Fuck-Up.  It’s what they do for a living, so when they say you fucked up hardcore you know they know what they are talking about.

Easy Joke Number 2:

Communist/Socialist Farm Controls cause hunger, since when?  Oh, right, Cambodia (Pol Pot), The Soviet Union (The Ukrainian Famine, 70 Years of bad harvests, ect..), China (The Great Leap Forward… into starvation and death…), Zimbabwe (just as the Ukraine was the “Bread Basket” of Eastern Europe Zimbabwe was that to Africa, it’s not now, thanks to Mugabe and his “Land Reforms”, prick…).  Seriously at what point in history have “Land Reforms” by left-wing tyrants not ended in starvation?  Thanks U.N. guy for stating the obvious.

Easy Joke Number 3:

“The U.N. estimates that 8.7 million people need food aid in North Korea. The country has relied on foreign assistance to feed much of its population since the mid-1990s when its economy was hit by natural disasters and the loss of the regime’s Soviet benefactor.”

I’m pretty sure the “natural disasters” are really called Kim Il-sung, Kim Jong-il and the idiocy that is Communism.  The thing they called a “Natural disaster in the 90’s was mud slides that whipped out much of the agricultural base because people clear cut the mountains to hide private farms so they wouldn’t starve since the government took all the food from the communal state farms to feed the Kims, some of the army and the Kims army of concubines.  Now what happens when you use very primitive farming technics on a mountainside because you can’t afford to terrace it because it would be too obvious you have an illegal farming operation up there and you have removed the trees that help hold the dirt up there?  It’s called a mud-slide, and good for them these mud-slides killed the state farms below.  Now no one has food.  Woohoo!
The country only lasted till the 90’s because the Soviet Union was giving them welfare payments for their food.  They entire country’s economy was based on Soviet welfare payments.  Interestingly enough if the Soviet Union hadn’t been giving them this for… I don’t know… North Korea’s whole existence not only would North Korea not exist but the Soviet Union might have had enough money to keep themselves afloat for another 10 years before they collapsed from the idiocy that was their economic system.  Hell the only reason there are still people in North Korea is because of the very, very large amount of land mines in the DMZ, otherwise it would have looked like the Berlin Wall (mother fuckers trying to jump the bitch every day).

Easy Joke Number…  Fuck it…  I’m just going with the rest of them here:

“Muntarbhorn has never been allowed to visit North Korea, which views his mandate as a violation of its sovereignty.

Basing his information on U.N. and non-governmental agencies active in North Korea, he said soldiers routinely steal or extort agricultural produce from farmers in the country. He said interviews with refugees also provided valuable information about the plight of rural North Koreans.

“People should be able to generate that food and keep it rather than being extorted as they are today,” Muntarbhorn said. “They should be able to trade; to generate income the state is not able to provide.”

Muntarbhorn presented his report Monday at the U.N. Human Rights Council, prompting an angry North Korean rebuttal.

North Korean diplomat Myong Nam Choe accused the investigator of being part of a Western effort to discredit the Pyongyang government.”

Soldiers steal food… what, really?  Yeah they steal and extort food and sometimes it’s for themselves rather than the State.  It’s because the country doesn’t have a functioning economy, the State has always stolen and extorted food, the reason that the Army is doing it more than they are told to is because the government doesn’t even bother to try to feed them well.  At least when they were still on the Soviet Welfare program the Government sent food to the military.  Now they are barely bothering to do that.  What do you think is going to happen?

“People should be able to generate that food and keep it rather than being extorted as they are today”,  Really?  Is that true?  Isn’t that sort of the entire concept of Traditional Liberalism?  You know the ability to keep your own shit and hasn’t that done more for the world economy than any other system ever invented?  What next the U.N. will talk about property rights and limited governmental interference?  How the hell did this Professor Muntarbhorn get a job at the U.N. considering the U.N.’s motto is “Thievery, Rape, Incompetence”?

“North Korean diplomat Myong Nam Choe accused the investigator of being part of a Western effort to discredit the Pyongyang government.”

Yeah, because someone really needs to try and do that one.  Your countries entire economy is based on getting people to give you money to knock off your crazy shit.  You test a missile then tell the world you will stop if they give you money for food.  The world feels bad and gives you money.  You run out of money so you do it again.  Your entire economy is like a person on welfare that tells you that they will rob you house if you don’t keep giving them money, because lord knows he isn’t going to go out and get a fucking job and you don’t what to deal with a the crying the liberal twats (I know putting liberal and twat is redundant but I did it anyway) around the world will do if you just shoot the bastard.  Well played North Korea, well played.  For now at least, some day someone is going to pimp-slap the liberal twats (I did it again), tell them to shut the fuck up and shoot the bastard (think Saddam Hussein at the end of a rope).  yea, Sean Penn might get upset but what does he know?  I seriously thought the movie I Am Sam was a documentary of his life until I remembered that he isn’t that smart.  He’s the person the Retarded call retarded.  A rock has a better chance of being sentient than Sean Penn…  Wait what was the point…  Something, something, Sean Penn is is an idiot, North Korea…  Right that was it…
OK on to the second part:

“SEOUL, South Korea — North Korean leader Kim Jong Il may die within three years, a senior U.S. envoy said in Seoul last month, according to a report published Wednesday.

Assistant U.S. Secretary of State Kurt Campbell told U.S. Ambassador Kathleen Stephens, a South Korean lawmaker and activists in a closed-door session that he doubted the 68-year-old leader would live beyond 2013, South Korea’s Chosun Ilbo newspaper said.

Campbell based his estimate on medical information, the report said, citing unidentified source.”

OK, I think it’s more a news think than a joke but I had to bring it up.  I don’t really think I need to once again get into the Kim Jong-il being dead thing because I have gone over it in length.  But why is this fun?  Well for one Kim is going to be dead and that makes me laugh and two, well read these other posts like I said and you will get the point:

Letters from the Hermit Kingdom: North Korea and the Kim

Silliness in the Hermit Kingdom and fun with North Korean succession

Silliness in the Hermit Kingdom Part II

Now some of the information and the posts are old but it all makes more sense when you start from the beginning and at least on the third one if you read the comments section because I do go over a lot of different things about the possible death of Kim Jong-il and the repercussions of it.  I’ll end with some fun photoshop from North Korea.

Yes he wasn’t really in that picture.  He was probably in a hospital at the time but they needed to make it look like he wasn’t.

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