Japanese Prime Minister’s Wife Abducted By Aliens: No Word Yet On E.T.’s Views Concerning North Korean Nuclear Proliferation


OK, I admit I failed to get up to speed on the current election cycle in my new homeland, I knew there was an election coming up and every time I told myself I was going to do some research on what was going on and the candidates from my local district I just didn’t, instead I have spent my time alternating bullshiting with my friends at happy hour and going to local punk shows.  On the day before the election rather than pay attention I went to a hardcore and metal music festival in Shibuya had some beers, broke my nose in the pit and slept off the whole thing on election day.  To be fair I’m not a citizen of Japan or a member of ACORN so I can’t vote in Japanese elections but since I live here I should pay more attention.

Anyhoo,  a quick look at Japanese Politics.  Japan has a Parliamentary  system with a written Constitution.  Japan has many different political parties – I will go over some but not all – it has been dominated by one for most of the last 60 years the Liberal Democratic Party or LDP.

The Liberal Democratic Party (LDP):

The LDP is considered the “conservative” party however this should not be confused with the American definition of political conservatism.  The LDP is more like a European conservative party rather than the American definition that really means Traditional Liberal.  Although there are divisions and some of them are more in line with Traditional Liberal economic values.   The LDP was an amalgamation of several different parties larger and smaller with different agendas and ideals but united at the time by two main things; the distaste for Communism and cooperation with the United States economically militarily and in foreign policy.

The main base of LDP support was in large cities, business interests, nationalist groups (although they are the fringe now but they still play some part on policy making) and the Yakuza (who much like ACORN could always be counted on to rig the vote a bit, although unlike ACORN they are honest about it).  While the LDP’s policies do allow for a large export market they also have a lot of protectionist policies resulting in this like rice being twice as expensive in Japan as it should be to keep cheaper foreign imports from overtaking the Japanese rice market.  basically other than some of the members of the LDP supporting more economic liberalism and the repeal of the 9th Amendment to the Japanese constitution (real needed change) for them most part they are the status quo and like shoving all the moderate Republicans and Democrats in the US into the same party.

The Democratic Party of Japan (DJP):

The DJP is a center-left  party (think moderate and Blue Dog Democrats).  They  Support smaller government tax cuts and more economic liberalism with some social welfare programs pacifism and a more independent relationship with the US on foreign policy.

Social Democratic Party (SDP):

Socialists, that’s what you need to know.  Some of their more moderate members fled to the DJP.  They hate the US and any support for the US.  Massive welfare state, pacifism and all the other silly things people think up when stoned.

People’s New Party (PNP):

Similar to Traditional Liberal parties, might help form a coalition with the moderate members of the DJP.

Happiness Realization Party (HRP):

Possibly crazy, but fun and they have good points.  They are for economic liberalism, lower taxes (a flat tax) and the repeal of the 9th Amendment.  They support a strong stance against North Korea and China (on nuclear weapons and China’s support of North Korea and their military buildup).  They support immigration (something most parties don’t) in order to stop the low birthrate in Japan and encouraging the Japanese population to have more children.  They also support total nuclear disarmament  in the world (pie in sky).  To a point they sometimes sound like hippies (without the socialism, communism and pacifism, if guns were legal in Japan they would probably have them), a religious cult, John Locke and the Dalai Lama all rolled into one.

Your Party:

Started by disaffected members of the LDP – It’s so small it barely qualifies as a party under Japanese law – the Your Party believes in small government releasing most control to local governments and drastically reducing the size of the Japanese government and political class.  it’s essentially a Traditionally Liberal party.  And while blunt and to the point they could use a better name.

If it was up to me I wouldn’t bother with most of the Japanese political parties and make a new party using people from the Your Party,  the sane parts of the Happiness Realization Party,  People’s New Party, and some of the disaffected members of the LDP and DJP. If you want to know why it’s because the Japanese government needs a lot of reforms, they need to get rid of the high confiscatory taxation system, the overly large bureaucracy , the protectionist policies, deal with the low birthrates by either allowing more immigration mixed with encouraging  the native Japanese to have more children and get ride of the pacifist foreign policies enshrined in the 9th Amendment (something I will write on later).  Granted it doesn’t matter what I think very much since I’m not a Japanese citizen and can’t start a new party, however if there are any female Japanese citizens out there willing to help me become a citizen please go here.

Anyhoo, time for the fun part (the part I make fun of people).  Well there was this big election (I slept through)  and the DJP won and the new Prime Minister is Yukio Hatoyama.  Now I don’t usually like to use peoples family against them but the guys wife Miyuki Hatoyama is bat-shit crazy.

“Miyuki Hatoyama, wife of Japan’s Prime Minister-elect, Yukio Hatoyama, is a lifestyle guru, a macrobiotics enthusiast, an author of cookery books, a retired actress, a divorcee, and a fearless clothes horse for garments of her own creation, including a skirt made from Hawaiian coffee sacks. But there is more, much more. She has traveled to the planet Venus. And she was once abducted by aliens.

The 62-year-old also knew Tom Cruise in a former incarnation – when he was Japanese – and is now looking forward to making a Hollywood movie with him. “I believe he’d get it if I said to him, ‘Long time no see’, when we meet,” she said in a recent interview. But it is her claim in a book entitled “Very Strange Things I’ve Encountered” that she was abducted by aliens while she slept one night 20 years ago, that has suddenly drawn attention following last Sunday’s poll.

“While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus,” she explains in the tome she published last year. “It was a very beautiful place, and it was very green.”

Lets take this one at a time.

Lifestyle Guru:

This can only mean one of two things.  A con-man that dupes morons out of their money for advice about life or in the case they are not a con-man hippie asshole and lunatic that thinks they know more about life than everyone else living it.  In her case I will go with the second one.

Macrobiotics Enthusiast:

I don’t eat right and suffer from a protein deficiency.

Skirt Made From Hawaiian Coffee Sacks:

Bat-shit crazy…

Knowing Tom Cruse in a Past Life when He was Japanese:

See Crazy people flock together no matter how many times they are reincarnated.  Further more I think she is proud of it, I can’t believe people would be proud to know this version of Tom Cruse was the old version that much better?

Traveling to Venus and Alien Abduction:

Really Bat-shit crazy.  Granted it’s at least a change from the usual way Japanese woman get abducted since it was aliens for once rather than the North Koreans.  I’m not going to bother with the environmental conditions on Venus and how it would kill you because I guess if you are abducted by aliens they would have the technology to keep you alive on Venus.  What I will ask is why would aliens abduct this lady and take her on vacation to Venus.  Granted she was quite attractive in her youth but still wouldn’t an intergalactic trip to Venus to impress an earth girl be a little expensive and don’t the aliens have chicks on their planet they could be hitting on much cheaper?

Does the new Prime Minister really believe all this crap or does he just go along with it because his wife is cute?  I’m not going to hold it against the guy if it’s the second reason since men will put up with amazing amounts of BS from a woman they find attractive, and even more amounts of BS if they are in love with said crazy girl, but if you were supposed to be the Prime Minister you think you would keep her from the microphone or out of interviews.  I dated enough crazy women in my life to understand where people are coming from, there is fun crazy, and the stab you in the middle of the night crazy, and the first one isn’t so bad.  The thing is that if the guy really believes all his wife’s weird crap Japan might have a problem since that would mean he is also crazy, and that is never good in elected officials.

Next time I might actually talk about the policies of the new Prime Minister  but for now the alien abduction thig was too good to pass up.


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