The Internet Makes You Write Stupid Things

Some people need real jobs, especially many people who write for a living.  Before you try to call me a hypocrite, I don’t write for a living, I don’t get paid for this and neither does anyone else, and I’m not trying to get paid for it either.

Anyway back to people who write for a living but shouldn’t.  I’ll give you a list:

1. Anyone who writes for anything (newspaper, websites, magazine) talking about celebrities, or if they write the celebrity columns in normal media outlets.

2.  Anyone who has any financial stake in the Daily Kos.

3.  People that write articles on fashion, dating or horoscopes.

4.  Everyone at the New York Times.

5.  And anyone who does those lists on how to be trendy. Like this person:

“12 Words You Can Never Say in the Office”
by Carolyn Duffy Marsan

‘If you’re old enough to understand the reference in this headline — George Carlin, anyone? — then you’re old enough to need a refresher course when it comes to talking about technology.

We’ve put together a list of outdated tech terms, phrases that you shouldn’t be using at work anymore because they will make you seem old. This is especially true if you’re looking for a new job. For example, on an interview, you should be talking about “cloud computing,” not “ASPs” even though they are basically the same thing.

This list is useful for 20-somethings, too. Now when the senior person in the office uses one of these terms, you’ll know what he’s talking about.”

Oh Carol please tell me how to be hip and tech savvy, without your great wisdom 13 year old kids might think I’m uncool, and my boss might know what I’m talking about!

I’m not going to go after everything on the list, just some of it.

#1. Intranet:


“Today, every private network runs IP. So you can just use the term virtual private network or VPN to describe a private IP-based network.”


Yes I can say “Intranet” in the office because if I say “Intranet” in the office everyone knows what I’m talking about even the ones just out of high school.   Not only do all companies not use this VPN thingy but if you work for the Government not only do they us a “Intranet” but they have several version of it with many other names ending in “net”.

#3. Web Surfing:


“When is the last time you heard someone talk about surfing the Web?


Twice today and both people saying it were under 20.
“You know the term is out of date when your kids don’t know what it means.”


If they go to public school they also don’t know what war the Battle of the Bulge happened in or how to read at their grade level.  Kids are ignorant, it’s normal.  I was talking to a kid the other day who likes Gangsta Rap and they didn’t know who NWA was.  Does that mean I can’t listen to NWA anymore because some kid doesn’t know squat about his own musical tastes?


“To teens and tweens, the Internet and the World Wide Web are one and the same thing. So it’s better to use the term “browsing” the Web if you want to be understood.”


No it’s “Surfing The Web”, it always has been and it always will be if your kids are too stupid to learn basic English you have failed as a parent.  Further more not being a Tween (I hate this word) or Teen I understand as an adult that what the kids think is usually stupid and they must guided by the rest of the adult population to grow up.  If the kids think you are “uncool” you are doing something right.  If they think you are cool it means you are failing at life.  In fact I have never even heard a child use the term “browsing” when talking about the internets or anyone else for that matter.  It’s either only your own children or you are making things up.

#6. Personal Digital Assistant (PDA):


“PDA was still in use in 1996, when the Palm Pilot was the hottest handheld in corporate America. Today, the preferred generic term for a handheld like a Blackberry or an iPhone is a “smartphone”.


Nope it’s still a PDA, and while I will admit some people do use the term “Smartphone”, PDA is still the most used term for the thing, plus anyone who has an iPhone always calls it an iPhone, I have never heard anyone calling it anything else until just now.  With the Blackberry I have heard it called other things but it’s only one of these three; Blackberry, PDA or Crackberry.  And back on the kids thing, who the hell gives their children a Blackberry or iPhone and what do they need it for?

#11. Long-Distance Call:


“Thanks to flat-rate calling plans available from carriers for at least five years, nobody needs to distinguish between local and long-distance calls anymore. Similarly, you don’t need to distinguish between terrestrial and wireless calls because so many people use only wireless services. Like pay phones, long-distance calls — and their premium prices — are relics of a past without national and unlimited calling plans.”


You have apparently never had to deal with international calling have you?  Granted yes most long distance calls no longer exist however since international call are still different and many people still use the term “Long Distance” for these calls along with “international”, I don’t think it’s quite time to send the term to the wood shed.  But you did almost have a point there.

#12. World Wide Web:


Nobody talks about the “World Wide Web” anymore, or the “Information Superhighway,” for that matter. It’s just the Internet. It’s a distinction that Steve Czaban, the popular Fox Sports Radio talk show host, likes to mock when he refers to the “Worldwide Interweb.” Nothing dates you more than pulling out one of those old-fashioned ways of referring to the Internet such as “infobahn” or “electronic highway.”


Yes, it’s teh Internets, or teh Interwebs,  but really who cares, should I?  Oh please tell me great teacher of teenage wisdom!

But really, how is this your job?



  1. Indeed that people get paid to write things like this is an embarrassment to the free market system almost as bad as the fact that Maureen Dowd still has a job and the New York Times still counts as the “paper of record” in some diseased way.

    And by the way, I found your site while surfing the world wide web

  2. nice site get a free blackberry curve

  3. You’re right, what’s that fool talking about. I’ve never heard anyone call a blackberry or an iphone a ‘smartphone’. And yes, i’m surfing the web, if you want to be specific, surfing the blogosphere.

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