I’m back with the ranting and some other things.

Ah time for a rant and some random news updates and things I missed while I was away (in other words old news).

OK for those people that have not been paying attention (as in almost everyone), I have moved to Japan, and while I did say that if Obama got elected I would move out of the country I was joking, I believe I said so during that rant in fact.  I was already planning on doing this before the primaries even started, but it does sound funny.  So now I am in Japan, it’s nice here, I know I lived here before for several years, it’s like my second home, hence why I wanted to move back here.  I know people will miss me, or well I hope more people miss me in the states than the people who are happy that I left, but we all know the truth.  Yes I will still be yelling about American politics, but I will eventually start talking a little more about Asian politics and countries other than North Korea, my usual target when talking about Asia.  In many ways Japan is like America so the culture shock isn’t too great, more amusing if anything, unless your an asshole. It’s a nice place sometimes it’s odd though. take this for example. I have yet to convince the girl working at McDonald’s to put mustard on a chicken sandwich, really how hard is that, Burger King does it, and I hate Burger King, especially their creepy ass commercials and not just the fact I swear they give me food poisoning every time I eat there.  Really every other fast food chain here will do it, McDonald’s, no.  For some reason they will take things off of what you order but will never add things that don’t normally come on the sandwich.   So if you want a Big Mac, but you want Mustard or Ketchup on it instead of the “Secret Sauce” it’s not going to happen.  I don’t even like McDonald’s that much but it’s right next to work so sometimes I say fuck it and go there.  I wouldn’t even go if there was a good ramen place or a Mos Burger near work.  But no, there isn’t so no mustard on the chicken sandwich.  Seriously this country has an almost perverse addiction to mayonnaise, and I hate mayo.

Another fun thing about Japan people might want to know, well especially the American Otaku , is that Japanese girls are not “just like” girls in Anime.  The girls here will think you are nerds, just like American girls will.  In Japan being called an Otaku is not a good thing.  yeah I like some Anime too, but seriously don’t come out here thinking the girls are going to fall all over you just because of your vast knowledge of Japan (that only comes from video games and Anime).   You will be a joke, just like you are in America.  Do please knock the shit off. OK on to other things right now.

Michael Jackson, is dead, and all over the world people are really upset about this, I have no idea why.  Really the guy was a psychotic baby rapist for fucks sake!  He was a freak, so he had a couple high selling albums in the 80s, I thought his music was crap but some people like crap, how the hell do you think Madonna, Britney  Spears and Coldplay are popular.  People like crap music.  The guy was a a fucking baby rapist, not to mention all the other insane shit this guy did like hacking his own face up and turning himself into a white woman.  Fucking hell people the guy was such a big pedophile that he had to build himself an amusement park in his back yard just to lure in the young kids.  Yes I know he wasn’t convicted but when you pay off the family to drop charges it’s kinda easy to get away with it.  Knock the crap off, stop crying and cutting your fucking wrists over this freak.  Farrah Fawcett died the same day and people hardly noticed, and she was a good person, or at least she wasn’t a bloody baby rapist.  Michael Jackson has gotten more press than all the other things going on right now, important things, Like the demonstrations in Iran, North Korea’s nuke program and succession worries, how about all the bullshit Congress is doing?  No, it’s all about how wonderful Michael “baby rapist” Jackson is and how sad people are he’s dead.  Well guess what, I’m not sad, the fucker should have gotten the electric chair for what he has done to children not a bill to honor him in congress!

OK, enough of the crazy mutant baby rapist.

Obama, well anyone who reads this crap knows that I don’t like the guy, but he is funny though.  Like this picture:

obama looks at girls ass

Am I the only one who noticed that Obama is staring at that lady’s ass?  I’m not saying I wouldn’t but if you are married and the President you might not want to get yourself photographed doing it at an international summit.  Plus it’s like a photo of every skinny high school dweeb, he looks at her and knows he can never have her, unless he pays for it.

Back to Obama, he swatted a fly and PETA yells about it, come the fuck on PETA I already hate your crazy asses enough don’t piss me off more by forcing me to defend Obama!  It’s just rude.  Seriously flies  are not your friends, they are dirty pests that spread disease,  like politicians or hippies, and thank god that unlike the last two flies  are legal to kill.  Really PETA I know you have tons of flies  with you all the time, they are not your pets, they are just attracted to dirty smelling things, like you, the second you freaks wise up enough to shower they will go away. You do you not want them to go away?

Rachel Maddow, really who gave this moron a show, the first time I saw it I though the kid from The Wonder Years grew up went crazy and got himself a talk show.   Really if Danica McKellar could grow up got to school for mathematics and write an educational book on the subject why couldn’t Fred Savage grow up get a degree in Douchebaggery and get a job at MSNBC and Air America.  Then not only do I figure out it isn’t M.r Savage but it’s a girl, or it says it is, but it says a lot of stupid shit, just watch it’s show, anyway it was an odd day.  Rachel Maddow is like the smug “I think I’m so smart collage freshman”  to Keith Olbermann’s insane angry smug prick in MSNBC’s version of the odd couple.  To be fair though Rachel is less annoying, and unlike Keith comes off more silly than insane.

I need to apologize to Mr. Savage I didn’t mean to insult you by thinking that freak was you.

I used to love Hulu.com, I don’t anymore.  You Bastards, why did you knot warn me that I couldn’t watch your goodness from a Japanese IP address!!!  I was all excited why I got teh internets hooked up in my new (well new for me) house and what do you know.  Nothing just a warning that the site cannot be used from an IP address outside of the U.S.  Crap how the hell am I going to watch The Simpsons next season?  Ah now I have to wade through a ton of Japanese language web-sites to see if I can watch it someplace, I don’t want to do that.

Speaking of Japanese IP addresses, does Google really need to automatically force me to their Japanese site, if I wanted google.co.jp I wouldn’t have typed in google.com!  Fucking hell, yes I’m in Japan I know that, I also know the difference between the addresses for web-sites hosted in Japan and those hosted in America,  If I wanted the Japanese one I would go there, so knock the shit off already.

The 4th of July is not a holiday, Independence Day is a holiday, it happens to be on the 4th of July.  Stop saying happy 4th of July, IT’S INDEPENDENCE DAY!  How do you even what to know or think about all the people who gave their lives for Independence, and to maintain it?  Well it was a lot, so celebrate Independence Day not the 4th of July.

I’m now the proud owner of a 1990 Toyota Corolla hatchback, it’s like a little bubble of death, my death mind you, since I’m waiting for it to blowup the next time I start the thing, well it’s not an American car so the chance of it blowing up is slim, the biggest worries are the tiny ass roads or get creamed by the legion of insane drivers in this country, the people on motorcycles and scooters are the worst, I have no idea how they live longer then a week on one of those things the way they ride them.  But the car was free, from a friend who wanted something a little less stupid looking, thanks friend, now I look like a moron.  Thank god most girls in this country don’t expect people under 30 to have a nice car, or even a car for that matter, otherwise I would never get a date.  Yes I  got a car in a country where driving is mostly pointless, since mass transit in Japan is very nice and unlike the states It’s safe so I don’t have to bring a gun with me just to ride two stops without getting killed.  Yes it is almost unnecessary to own a car in Japan, especially if you live around the Tokyo/Yokohama area.  The only reasons to have one is driving to work, the grocery store, or on a weekend holiday, and most people take the train to work.  But Like I said the car was free and I don’t like riding the train to work since I am probably one of the few people in this area where driving to work takes less time than riding the train and walking.  Why am I saying this?  Because I can. Why do you care?  You don’t.

More on Japan, in Japan driver must stop at cross walks to yield to pedestrians.  It’s the law, so thankfully I moved into a house right next to the one crosswalk in Japan where this is not true.  I swear to god they speed up even, I thought I was going to have to dive into the road to save a 90 year old lady and her grandchild the other day.  I am starting to think the nice old lady who runs the convenience store across the street is taking bets on how long it is before I get creamed trying to run across the street for a bag of chips and a beer.  I can see it now, her laughing at me in a bloody mess while asking me if the bag of shrimp flavored rice puffs and the can of Kirin was really worth the risk of crossing the street.  For god sakes people there are two schools and a shrine on this block with kids everywhere, please people, at least slow the fuck down a bit around those turns.  Think of the children, and my shrimp flavored rice puffs and can of Kirin!

I would like to thank my landlord for giving me the incorrect information on trash days in my area.  Really thanks, the fact that you have to sort trash into 20 different bags and everything goes out on some random day isn’t bad enough you have to tell me the wrong days.  So I drop off my properly sorted trash on what you told me was the correct day for this kind of trash only to come home from work and it’s still sitting there on the sidewalk only now it’s got these nice little angry yellow notes pasted on it from the trash men.  Thanks now I look like a schmuck because every old lady in the neighborhood watched me put it out before work, and then they get to watch me pick it back up after work and walk the 20 yards back to my house from the collection site.  Thankfully the lady at the local grocers next door was nice enough to explain the correct days to me otherwise Monday I would be doing it all over again.  Thank you, now my neighbors think I’m an asshole, well I am, but not that kind of asshole.

Speaking of my landlord, while I love the house could you have at least cleaned it up a bit before I moved in?  Really I think I found dust in here from the Meiji era. Apparently when my realtor told me the house was old and she had newer ones to show me, and I told her it didn’t bother me I just want a house with a deck or some small plot of a yard (something not easy to get in this area) I should have took more of a warning from the odd look she gave me about his particular home.  OK it’s not a bad house it just needs cleaning.  I need a maid, not all the time I’m too cheep for that, I just need someone to help me get started.  If not a maid a bitchy  girlfriend, they can help you get a lot done before you change your name and move to a different country to get away from them or dump them in Tokyo bay.

Sarah Palin resign, OK you you all happy now?  really she was treated like the anti-Christ.  People still had to keep trying to destroy her and her family even after she lost the election. Really what was it that made her such a bad person that people had to attack her like they did?  I know I go after politicians all the time but that was for real things this was a witch hunt.  Obama hangs out with racists and domestic terrorists and the media doesn’t care, Palin has a funny accent and is governor of a state most people will never go to and all hell breaks loose.   Well anyway I don’t know if it was a good move or a bad move for her, it’s to early to tell, hopefully it will give her and her family some time away from all the insane freaks out there that are out for her and her families blood.

Anyway when it all comes down to it drink more beer and try not to go fuck yourselves too hard, unless you are Congress then I would really like it if you killed yourself.  Next time I think I will go after Iran and North Korea more….

I’m done for now.  Merry Christmas…

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7 Comments

  1. Welcome back! Not “back” back but back to the blog.

  2. Yeah, nice to see you getting settled over there, nice rant, thoroughly enjoyed it. Looking forward to hearing more of your experiences in Japan. Always wondered what things are like over there.

  3. Thanks.

    I love Japan it’s a really nice place, however that will not stop me from making fun of it. Much like everything else on this planet.

  4. Speaking out against something is one thing but when doing it just like those you are speaking against; well that to is another thing. Have you ever thought about how you breed the same kind of hate you are so against? I am just asking. Wow it is true I guess that when the going gets tough the tough get going. There is no where to run from what is happening kind of like those Dooms’ Day planes they have built for those in Washington. None of you seem to understand that all that is belongs to Almighty God including the sky and Japan.

  5. Michael Jackson didn’t bleach his skin or any shit like that. If you hadn’t noticed, he had two rare skin diseases: vitiligo and lupus; the vitiligo partially lightened his skin, and the lupus was in remission; both illnesses made him sensitive to sunlight. The treatments he used for his condition further lightened his skin tone, and, with the application of pancake makeup to even out blotches, he could appear very pale.

    And no, he wasn’t a baby-rapist. He had a number of complex, and a “child’s mind”, as described by a number of leading psychologists.

    I used to think you were an informed, hippie-hating, Jap-loving, all-round awesome guy. Turns out, your just as much a douhe as my neighbor Ted the Hippie.

  6. So the name Jordan Chandler doesn’t ring any bells? Oh but I guess since he paid the kid off not to talk and get the charges dropped it doesn’t count. So he had a skin disease that doesn’t explain all the other crap he did hacking up his face.

  7. I admit, he did have some plastic surgery, most notably on his chin and his nose, although most of the work on his nose was due to difficulty breathing.

    In relation to Jordan Chandler, I firmly believe that the parents wanted to milk Michael for all he was worth. This, however, is just my opinion and I am entitled to it, just as you are to yours.

    And he had two simultaneous skin diseases.


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