You may be a Jihadi if…

taliban_showerYou refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth.

You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You’ve ever opened a can of falafel with a mortar round.

You used a Stinger missile given to you by George Bush Sr. to shoot at a helicopter sent by George Bush Jr.

You’ve ever had your camel repossessed.

You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.

You get really excited by the idea of a goat beauty pageant.

You’ve ever been asked, “Does this burka make my ass look fat?”

You think “The Kite Runner” is the funniest book you ever read.

You’ve felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman’s exposed ankle.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”

You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You believe rape is a crime punishable by death, for the victim.

You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

You’ve ever executed a goat for being sexually provocative.

You think homosexuals should be killed but see nothing wrong with molesting boys under 11 years of age.

You think there is nothing wrong with forcing 9 year old girls into marriage with 50 year old men.


NOTE: Why yes this was stollen from the “You may me a Taliban if…” jokes but it works for Al Qaeda and the rest of the crazy Jihadies as well.  Before you ask  I have no idea who the original source was so don’t ask and I did add some things.


1 Comment

  1. This was great!

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