It was going to happen so why not have fun with it!!!

Finding dates on the internets can be a silly thing.  Very silly or maybe even traumatic at times just try looking under the personals in craigslist and you will know what flavor of hell I am talking about.  No I would not try to find a date on there but I did have to check it out to see the train wreck of human interaction that it is.

I did however try some sites in an experiment and didn’t get a very good result such as eharmony telling me I would die alone or the epic failure of The Marriage Project on this little pit stain of the interwebs.  There is a lot of fun in the digital dating world such as Match.com the place notorious for Nigerian money scams and general douchebaggery.  There is Adult Friend Finder a place that I think is nothing more then perverts looking to spread syphilis and show close ups of their various pubic regions.  Then there is always hundreds of “Mail Order Bride” sites dedicated to getting lonely people desperate women from third world shit holes green cards.

To say the least when Newton Minow called TV a “Vast Wasteland” he had yet to experience the great atrocity of the internets.  That is not to say that TV isn’t a wasteland a few exceptions of course but the internets is a much larger place, filled with perversion, lies, hate, idiocy, pointless arguments and other such shit (like high school with more porn and less shootings).   Take Facebook where you post pictures of yourself doing drugs and acting like an ass so your future employers can understand why they don’t want hire you.  If that’s not good enough for you there is always The Daily Kos because someone has to make /b/tards look classy and intelligent (please don’t hurt me Anonymous I hate Scientology too).  Granted there are a lot of wonderful things on the Interweb such as Cracked, free Tetris, news and commentary sites like NRO or Slate,  and well Letters To a Dying Dream (shameless plug bitches).  There is Youtube a mix of shit and goodness.  You can watch the debates or a good music video or some useless asshole bitch about politics like he has anything intelligent to say when he doesn’t (thanks P. Diddy).

OK look I spend more time on the internets then maybe I should so I can’t talk that much shit but it does give people a place where people can be the biggest assholes on the planet and forget all concepts of decency (Daily Kos).  It’s good and bad but you can get more truth out of it then you think.

Anywhoo back to the point if there ever was one.  Internet dating.  Since the internets is filled with everything you can possibly want or think of (and some things you wish didn’t exist) I can find things. Many things.  What you ask did I find?  I found the best dating site ever!  Why is it the best?  Because I find it funny as hell that’s why!  And what is this magical and wonderful place?  Well kids it’s called Otaku Booty!  Yes Otakubooty.com a place where all the freaks can find a date, well might find a date. Some people couldn’t even get laid in Thailand a place where 5$ can get you anything you want (plus herpes from a underage transvestite you thought was a girl), but we aren’t talking about that kind of degeneracy.  It’s Otakubooty (I love the name) a place where the Nerds, Geeks, Otaku, fan Boys, Freaks, NEETs, Fan Girls, Hikikomori, and Dorks can interface and chat up one another.  Yes a place for the lonely freaks to find other lonely freaks to talk to.  And since most of these people haven’t been inside a pussy since they dropped out of one they are defiantly cleaner then the fucks over at Adult Friend finder (cleaner in the STD world not the bathing world although I’m sure some of them do shower daily).  Why do I talk about this rather then say the VP debates right now?  One because because I don’t have a TV so can’t watch it and will see it this weekend on Youtube (or parts since I might just give up like on the last one) and two since this is more important (since constitutionally the VP’s only job is casting the deciding vote in the event of a tie and siting around doing nothing until the event of the death of the president).  Really though if you don’t know where everyone stands by now you haven’t been paying attention (do I lie?).

Yes caring about Otaku dating websites is the most important thing we can care about at this very moment! Especially since we really need to finally get them out of the Maid Cafe’s and it’s not like we can change anything in this world right now anyway.  Really think about it, you can’t solve shit and you know it!  If your stupid hippie ass could fix shit smoking pot, not showering and having a drum circle don’t you think it might have done so by now?  Do I lie?  You have tried the same shit for forty years and it got us where? Smelly assholes, pointless unintelligent ranting and crappy jam bands (try to listen to Phish or the Grateful dead sober and even pretend they don’t suck a fat one).

Oh the point… There was one right?  Oh yeah nerd dating sites are awesome!  I can’t say they are better then the other dating sites but really these are at least fun.  I might have to do another experiment and try it out just to see if how fun it can be.  It’s not like the other ones are any better anyway and at least this place won’t judge me on my thing for Anime, bad Yakuza and zombie films and my obsession with Tetris.

What I am really trying to say is this:

You might finally score that Asian girl you have been thinking about nerdboy  (maybe but I can’t say it will be a cute one or really a girl, and lets face it many of you are hopeless since rolling a twenty is not going to get you laid but it will help you kill the Tentacle Rape Monster in Henti D&D).

In the end all I have to say is Eat Me!

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2 Comments

  1. Hi! I like your article, but must say that OB has an underlying, much-overlooked sense of togetherness that I had not seen previously on various otaku-geared forums. It’s certainly not for kids, though.

    “I drink and so should you.”

    I drink rum! Cheers!

  2. They should make Human Tetris into a real video game — NES original


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